Out the other end
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Hi all. I recently rejoined this forum after initially joining over 6 years ago. I'm thankful ly at the end of the hellish journey which all of us have found ourselves on and I just wanted to tell my story in the hope that it would give some of you a glimmer of optimism and hope that things can work out ok.
My knock came in January 2017 when I was at work and the kids aged 12 and 15 were at school. I came home from work to find the house upside down and no sign of my husband, though his car was still in the driveway. His phone was turned off. Complete confusion and fear turned to horror and devastation when he came back in an unmarked police car with 2 officers, who told me he'd downloaded indecent images and had to leave the family home.
Like all of you here my life was turned upside down.
So began the nightmare of Social Services, lying to friends and family, money worries, trying to hold it together for my children, putting a brave face on at work, constant set backs and delays by the justice system and then when I thought things couldn't get worse, my mum took cancer and passed away, COVID hit and I couldn't work, I'm self employed and it was ages before I got any financial help.
The hardest part was the loneliness. When your life is a lie you pull back from people. I didnt live near my family so as far as they were concerned, I was still living with my husband in a happy marriage, and my mum passed away never knowing the truth.
The case was finally heard in Crown Court in May last year. He got a suspended sentence and it wasn't reported on, so in a way it was worth 5 years of lies and loneliness so no one knew what my childrens father did.
What got me through that horrible time was this utter faith that there has to be some reason for this happening and that something good had to come from it, and it did. I'm a much stronger, happier, contented and grateful person now. Very little annoys me anymore and I get so much joy from little things that before I wouldn't have paid any attention to. I retrained and became a hypnotherapist and im so proud that I can help others going through terrible times. This is something which I would never have thought of doing if it had not been for my experiences. Im closer to my children than any other parent I know, because of our shared experiences, and they have turned out so well, I couldn't be prouder of them.
The reason I came back on this forum is because I remember 6 years ago reading others experiences and to be honest, it scared me so much that I couldn't read anymore and had to leave. It just seemed to be one horrific experience after another, and it's so so sad that there's literally no help out there to support partners going through this hell. I just wanted to give some of you hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel and it really isn't the end of the world, though it may seem so at the time. Exercise, music, mindfulness and meditation helped me enormously. I also got a dog, who made me laugh every day. This experience does change your life, but it's not always for the worse.
I really hope this helps some of you xx
My knock came in January 2017 when I was at work and the kids aged 12 and 15 were at school. I came home from work to find the house upside down and no sign of my husband, though his car was still in the driveway. His phone was turned off. Complete confusion and fear turned to horror and devastation when he came back in an unmarked police car with 2 officers, who told me he'd downloaded indecent images and had to leave the family home.
Like all of you here my life was turned upside down.
So began the nightmare of Social Services, lying to friends and family, money worries, trying to hold it together for my children, putting a brave face on at work, constant set backs and delays by the justice system and then when I thought things couldn't get worse, my mum took cancer and passed away, COVID hit and I couldn't work, I'm self employed and it was ages before I got any financial help.
The hardest part was the loneliness. When your life is a lie you pull back from people. I didnt live near my family so as far as they were concerned, I was still living with my husband in a happy marriage, and my mum passed away never knowing the truth.
The case was finally heard in Crown Court in May last year. He got a suspended sentence and it wasn't reported on, so in a way it was worth 5 years of lies and loneliness so no one knew what my childrens father did.
What got me through that horrible time was this utter faith that there has to be some reason for this happening and that something good had to come from it, and it did. I'm a much stronger, happier, contented and grateful person now. Very little annoys me anymore and I get so much joy from little things that before I wouldn't have paid any attention to. I retrained and became a hypnotherapist and im so proud that I can help others going through terrible times. This is something which I would never have thought of doing if it had not been for my experiences. Im closer to my children than any other parent I know, because of our shared experiences, and they have turned out so well, I couldn't be prouder of them.
The reason I came back on this forum is because I remember 6 years ago reading others experiences and to be honest, it scared me so much that I couldn't read anymore and had to leave. It just seemed to be one horrific experience after another, and it's so so sad that there's literally no help out there to support partners going through this hell. I just wanted to give some of you hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel and it really isn't the end of the world, though it may seem so at the time. Exercise, music, mindfulness and meditation helped me enormously. I also got a dog, who made me laugh every day. This experience does change your life, but it's not always for the worse.
I really hope this helps some of you xx
Wow, thanks for sharing your story. I've also trained as a hypnotherapist following all of this. Like you, my children have thrived both personally and academically and we are incredibly close even if we have different views on my person and the level of relationship we want to have with him. Would be great to chat on messages at some point if you're up for that. I also got a dog who fills our lives with love and mischief. We are almost 3 years post knock and 2 post sentencing. There is still work to be done and a lot of unknowns regarding our future but I never thought I'd get to this place so wanted to add to the encouragement of those in the earlier stages xxx
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Thankyou for this thread - it gives us all hope we will eventually move forward....
Thank you for such a thoughtful post. The light at the end of the tunnel is really important .
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Thank you for sharing your stories. They are so needed this week. I also keep thinking this must have happened for a reason. Thank you for your positivity and light.
Louise74
Very uplifting post and great to hear that there is a good life on the other side.
Very uplifting post and great to hear that there is a good life on the other side.
This gave me so much hope, thank you for sharing and well done you on all you have achieved throughout this
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Thank you so much for sharing your story. Echoing others sentiments on here in that it's so lovely to read a positive story on here. I don't doubt your post will provide many people with much needed hope for the future. xx
Thanks for all your positive comments, I do hope I've helped some people. To answer your questions, I'm not with my partner as in, I no longer live with him. I was the only support he had and I couldn't walk away from him completely though, so we're not divorced or even legally seperated. We had a great marriage before this, and though at times I despised him for what he did, I couldn't just stop loving him. I've discovered over time that I enjoy my own space and my own company, and though Ill never say never, for the time being I'm happy on my own. I've learnt so much about myself, and really come to like, value and respect myself, which I don't think would have happened if we hadn't seperated, though as I say, we had a happy marriage.
Distressed and pregnant, I would love to chat but I can't seem to access messages. It's telling me I need to register first, which Ive obviously already done, maybe you'd like to message me x
Distressed and pregnant, I would love to chat but I can't seem to access messages. It's telling me I need to register first, which Ive obviously already done, maybe you'd like to message me x