Absolutely terrified of my child being taken from me
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Hi so this is my first time posting, I was going to write more about my story & situation, but this by far is my biggest fear.
Long story short, my partner was arrested on allegations of possessing inapropriate images of children, while the investigation is ongoing we're still together as no one can make heads or tails of where this had even come from, he's been nothing but loving and supportive all the years we'd been together, especially since we became pregnant after years of trying.
I've had to deal with the stress of his allegations and social workers near enough my entire pregnancy with no end of meetings, assessments and everything else in between. While I know no one can exactly explain why, but I think the sheer amount of stress I've been under with this was the reason my baby was born premature.
Although they're prem, they've been amazing, growing stronger every day and soon looking to be discharged from hospital- now here is where the fear kicked in.
Because my baby was born premature & due to my partner's bail conditions we won't be allowed to live at the same address until the court hearing, we knew this from the start and while I know it'll be hard, it'll be something I have to learn to deal with. I've had to temporarlily move back in with my parents, an issue none of us have had as my family have been very supportive to us throughout this whole mess.
My partner's had a couple of supervised visits to see our baby, all which have been very postive even by the social worker's words but I am absolutely terrified now because the hospital can no longer keep them as they're a fit and healthy baby. They were ready to be discharged last week but because we have to have a discharge meeting my baby won't be allowed to leave until this meeting, but my worry is the social workers have not done an assessment on my parents' home and if this is another requirement that needs to be met before my baby can come home, then they'll have no choice but to send my baby into care.
I'm literally crying my eyes out as I'm typing this, I have done abosoltely nothing wrong, I've done everything the social workers and police have said and I'm just so scared they'll put my child into care and I'll have no idea when or if I'll see them again. The hospital staff have tried to support me in saying that this is the extreme worst case scenario and is very unlikely, but the fear is still there, I honestly don't know what I'll do or how I'll cope if my baby's taken, my mental health has already taken a catastrophic blow because of the entire situation, but this has just made everything a whole lot worse and the worry of not knowing what will happen for a few days yet is the worst I've ever felt in my entire life..
Long story short, my partner was arrested on allegations of possessing inapropriate images of children, while the investigation is ongoing we're still together as no one can make heads or tails of where this had even come from, he's been nothing but loving and supportive all the years we'd been together, especially since we became pregnant after years of trying.
I've had to deal with the stress of his allegations and social workers near enough my entire pregnancy with no end of meetings, assessments and everything else in between. While I know no one can exactly explain why, but I think the sheer amount of stress I've been under with this was the reason my baby was born premature.
Although they're prem, they've been amazing, growing stronger every day and soon looking to be discharged from hospital- now here is where the fear kicked in.
Because my baby was born premature & due to my partner's bail conditions we won't be allowed to live at the same address until the court hearing, we knew this from the start and while I know it'll be hard, it'll be something I have to learn to deal with. I've had to temporarlily move back in with my parents, an issue none of us have had as my family have been very supportive to us throughout this whole mess.
My partner's had a couple of supervised visits to see our baby, all which have been very postive even by the social worker's words but I am absolutely terrified now because the hospital can no longer keep them as they're a fit and healthy baby. They were ready to be discharged last week but because we have to have a discharge meeting my baby won't be allowed to leave until this meeting, but my worry is the social workers have not done an assessment on my parents' home and if this is another requirement that needs to be met before my baby can come home, then they'll have no choice but to send my baby into care.
I'm literally crying my eyes out as I'm typing this, I have done abosoltely nothing wrong, I've done everything the social workers and police have said and I'm just so scared they'll put my child into care and I'll have no idea when or if I'll see them again. The hospital staff have tried to support me in saying that this is the extreme worst case scenario and is very unlikely, but the fear is still there, I honestly don't know what I'll do or how I'll cope if my baby's taken, my mental health has already taken a catastrophic blow because of the entire situation, but this has just made everything a whole lot worse and the worry of not knowing what will happen for a few days yet is the worst I've ever felt in my entire life..
Trying to keep hope ... I am so sorry you are going through this on top of everything else . I have no advice for your situation sorry but I didn't want to read and not comment. I pray everything works out for you lovely and congratulations on your beautiful baby Xx
Hi Tryingtokeephope - I am so sorry that you have all this extreme worry going on. Of course you have the fear that any mother would have if faced with the idea of their baby being taken away from them. I'm no expert and I don't want to tell you anything that might not be 100% correct but I do know that children's services can't just remove a child unless it's because they are in extreme danger at that moment. They have to hold a pre-proceedings meeting to see if the family can provide the necessary care. You understand the conditions of your OH's bail and you're going along with that so I can't see how there would be a problem with you living at your parents or even back in your former home with your baby, as long as your OH was never alone with his child, or only saw him/her with supervision and away from the home. That supervision could be you or your parents depending on what your social worker assesses as best and safest (they might think you're likely to allow more than they assess as safe if you're supervising on your own. I'm not suggesting you would but that seems to be how they sometimes think!)
PS This helpline might give you more specific advice than my waffling! They are great at advising families https://frg.org.uk/get-help-and-advice/
We are grandparents and our son is the offender, living with us at the moment, but we go along with him whenever he sees his children to supervise and they stay with us too, although he has to sleep elsewhere which is a costly nuisance but we're happy to comply with the conditions so he can spend quality time with them. It might be slightly different with a baby as there would be things like nappy changing etc to consider but as long as you let the social worker know you fully understand the risks (even if in your heart you feel sure your baby would be safe) then they really should work with you to help these early days go by as smoothly as possible.
When I think how my emotions were swirling around after my babies were born and that was with nothing traumatic going on in my life, I'm not surprised you are in such a state and shame on anyone who has implied you are going to lose your precious baby without giving you a few things to work towards and reassure you.
Sending you a very big hug xx
PS This helpline might give you more specific advice than my waffling! They are great at advising families https://frg.org.uk/get-help-and-advice/
We are grandparents and our son is the offender, living with us at the moment, but we go along with him whenever he sees his children to supervise and they stay with us too, although he has to sleep elsewhere which is a costly nuisance but we're happy to comply with the conditions so he can spend quality time with them. It might be slightly different with a baby as there would be things like nappy changing etc to consider but as long as you let the social worker know you fully understand the risks (even if in your heart you feel sure your baby would be safe) then they really should work with you to help these early days go by as smoothly as possible.
When I think how my emotions were swirling around after my babies were born and that was with nothing traumatic going on in my life, I'm not surprised you are in such a state and shame on anyone who has implied you are going to lose your precious baby without giving you a few things to work towards and reassure you.
Sending you a very big hug xx
Hi,
I may be wrong on this but from a ss perspective there would be no reason to do an assessment of your parents home or even of your parents since your baby will be released to your care not theirs. From a medical standpoint if your baby does not require any equipment whilst at home there will be no need for an assessment as this would be purely to suggest arrangements for any medical equipment. If your baby has no need for any then an assessment should just be things like do you have a suitable sleep space for your child, sterilising equipment and generic baby stuff. If you can ask your parents to send you pictures of these in preparation for the meeting then they should agree to baby being released into your care. You may have a health visitor who works with ss for a while. Mine was lovely and signed baby over to access universal care so no visits outside of the usual checks that they do at around 9-12 months and two years etc. I'm happy for you to message me. I should add that we were post sentencing just before baby arrived so you may have the special health visitor until the investigation comes to an end and you no longer have involvement with ss. As has already been stated there are procedures that must be followed before they consider removing a child. How are you feeling in yourself? Having a premature baby is stressful in itself without this added stress xxx
I may be wrong on this but from a ss perspective there would be no reason to do an assessment of your parents home or even of your parents since your baby will be released to your care not theirs. From a medical standpoint if your baby does not require any equipment whilst at home there will be no need for an assessment as this would be purely to suggest arrangements for any medical equipment. If your baby has no need for any then an assessment should just be things like do you have a suitable sleep space for your child, sterilising equipment and generic baby stuff. If you can ask your parents to send you pictures of these in preparation for the meeting then they should agree to baby being released into your care. You may have a health visitor who works with ss for a while. Mine was lovely and signed baby over to access universal care so no visits outside of the usual checks that they do at around 9-12 months and two years etc. I'm happy for you to message me. I should add that we were post sentencing just before baby arrived so you may have the special health visitor until the investigation comes to an end and you no longer have involvement with ss. As has already been stated there are procedures that must be followed before they consider removing a child. How are you feeling in yourself? Having a premature baby is stressful in itself without this added stress xxx
When I had the first visit from SS the woman said we don't take children away from the family unless in serious danger my oh was still allowed to come home each day for hours at a time just sleep somewhere else. They may look around your parents to check the conditions. Our first visit for the assessment was just a chat understanding of what my oh was on bail for tried speaking to the children but they were to young at the time and looked in the bedrooms to check they had everything they needed
Thank you everyone that took the time to message me back and I have an update.
To my whole family's relief the meeting went, well I'd like to say good but my main concern of my baby being taken into care was never even mentioned, it was a thought that was put in my head while my baby was in hospital by the nurses, not maliciously I'm sure but for any parent hearing that would no doubt be completely terrified. Baby is now at home with me and my parents and is doing really well.
However why I say the meeting didn't go as well as we hoped is because we were always told and it even states in my OH's bail conditions that he isn't allowed to sleep at the same address and no unsupervised contact but the SS worker has now added that he won't be allowed any contact unless supervised by a professional and only on set days, needless to say my partner exploded. He's only ever seen his own child under supervision no more than 3 times & to make matters worse, again we were told even by the police that he could have contact within my parent's home supervised by my parents and myself, now we've been told thats not happening at all. My parents and their home still needs to be assessed more into seing if they're suitable to supervise my OH, but now we've been told by the SS that even if my parents supervise, it can't be at the home only in a public space.
I know he's had a serious allegation against him, but now he's completely broken, doesn't want to work with SS or anyone even in his benefit, he won't even talk to me anymore so I'm seriously worried about his mental health, I've told him numurous times about the stop it now helpline or other support he can get but now he has the "what's the point of anything" mindset.
It feels as if we go 1 step forward then 5 steps back and while I'm over the moon that my baby is with me, not having my OH here as it is our 1st is getting really hard some days.
Thanks again everyone for your support x
To my whole family's relief the meeting went, well I'd like to say good but my main concern of my baby being taken into care was never even mentioned, it was a thought that was put in my head while my baby was in hospital by the nurses, not maliciously I'm sure but for any parent hearing that would no doubt be completely terrified. Baby is now at home with me and my parents and is doing really well.
However why I say the meeting didn't go as well as we hoped is because we were always told and it even states in my OH's bail conditions that he isn't allowed to sleep at the same address and no unsupervised contact but the SS worker has now added that he won't be allowed any contact unless supervised by a professional and only on set days, needless to say my partner exploded. He's only ever seen his own child under supervision no more than 3 times & to make matters worse, again we were told even by the police that he could have contact within my parent's home supervised by my parents and myself, now we've been told thats not happening at all. My parents and their home still needs to be assessed more into seing if they're suitable to supervise my OH, but now we've been told by the SS that even if my parents supervise, it can't be at the home only in a public space.
I know he's had a serious allegation against him, but now he's completely broken, doesn't want to work with SS or anyone even in his benefit, he won't even talk to me anymore so I'm seriously worried about his mental health, I've told him numurous times about the stop it now helpline or other support he can get but now he has the "what's the point of anything" mindset.
It feels as if we go 1 step forward then 5 steps back and while I'm over the moon that my baby is with me, not having my OH here as it is our 1st is getting really hard some days.
Thanks again everyone for your support x
Hiya,
I have no advice on this but relieved to read your last post. The knock was when my baby was 8 weeks old and I was a wreck. Early postpartum and dealing with this is possibly the hardest thing I've ever done.
You're in my thoughts and if you ever need to vent, talk etc just pop a message over to me x
I have no advice on this but relieved to read your last post. The knock was when my baby was 8 weeks old and I was a wreck. Early postpartum and dealing with this is possibly the hardest thing I've ever done.
You're in my thoughts and if you ever need to vent, talk etc just pop a message over to me x