I don’t even know where to start
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I am new here and I have no idea what I am meant to do or how to move forward.
it's been a week since we got the knock which was a total shock! Myself and my husband have never had any dealings with the police so this was a complete shock to us both.
They arrested him for uploading indecent images of children... again news to both of us. At his interview they gave him the date and time that this happened from our IP address and is now on bail until we hear more. They took laptops etc from our home so not sure how long these will be kept for.
We spent the last week going through everything we possible could to figure out how this has happened and not sure what we can do from here. I know a lot of people will say "well he must have done it". He did not and I whole heartily believe that. I feel absolutely awful for families that this has happened to and it has turned out to be true and to be honest I don't even know why I'm writing this but I need somewhere safe to talk. Even though I know it's not true, I have now been suspended from work due to the sector I work in. He has also been suspended from work. How do people survive this? How do you go on normally? It's affecting every aspect of our lives and at the moment I can see no way forward.
Thankyou for taking the time to read!
it's been a week since we got the knock which was a total shock! Myself and my husband have never had any dealings with the police so this was a complete shock to us both.
They arrested him for uploading indecent images of children... again news to both of us. At his interview they gave him the date and time that this happened from our IP address and is now on bail until we hear more. They took laptops etc from our home so not sure how long these will be kept for.
We spent the last week going through everything we possible could to figure out how this has happened and not sure what we can do from here. I know a lot of people will say "well he must have done it". He did not and I whole heartily believe that. I feel absolutely awful for families that this has happened to and it has turned out to be true and to be honest I don't even know why I'm writing this but I need somewhere safe to talk. Even though I know it's not true, I have now been suspended from work due to the sector I work in. He has also been suspended from work. How do people survive this? How do you go on normally? It's affecting every aspect of our lives and at the moment I can see no way forward.
Thankyou for taking the time to read!
Sorry you're joining us here, I hope your journey is straightforward from this point.
it takes AGES to get devices back, given you both must be in sectors that you might be given priority in the queue, still expect months rather than weeks.
Look after yourself at this time, the shock is horrid and you might want to seek support from your GP or similar.
be wary who you tell, you don't know what May yet happen and once you've told someone, you can't untell them
x
it takes AGES to get devices back, given you both must be in sectors that you might be given priority in the queue, still expect months rather than weeks.
Look after yourself at this time, the shock is horrid and you might want to seek support from your GP or similar.
be wary who you tell, you don't know what May yet happen and once you've told someone, you can't untell them
x
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I'm so sorry you've joined us here. It's certainly the place nobody ever dreams of being. You'll find loads of practical help and advice here for dealing with things at different stages. Right now all you can do is try and look after yourself and try to process everything. As already mentioned, be careful who you confide in.
There have been many ladies join over the years whose partners have categorically denied any guilt for them then to find out later down the line that isn't the case. With that being said there are ladies whose partners denied it and then received an NFA (no further action). So there's never a sure way to know, all I can advise, for your own sanity and wellbeing, is to leave a tiny bit of room in your brain for the possibility of there being some truth behind it and try to plan what you would do if that is the case. My partner was arrested for a communications offence, I prepared myself for the possibility of them finding more but luckily they didn't and he was acquitted, I supported him the whole way through which I had planned to do until I could fully make a decision once evidence was released. Take things a day at a time xx
There have been many ladies join over the years whose partners have categorically denied any guilt for them then to find out later down the line that isn't the case. With that being said there are ladies whose partners denied it and then received an NFA (no further action). So there's never a sure way to know, all I can advise, for your own sanity and wellbeing, is to leave a tiny bit of room in your brain for the possibility of there being some truth behind it and try to plan what you would do if that is the case. My partner was arrested for a communications offence, I prepared myself for the possibility of them finding more but luckily they didn't and he was acquitted, I supported him the whole way through which I had planned to do until I could fully make a decision once evidence was released. Take things a day at a time xx
Hi Bubba,
I'm surprised to hear you've been suspended too. I work in children's social services and wasn't and I'm wondering if you can challenge this (if you want to) if there's no indication of it having anything to do with you?
Good luck. I hope you get the outcome you want. Our devices (around 15) took 5-6 months to come back which is very quick compared to many of the stories I've read on here.
I'm surprised to hear you've been suspended too. I work in children's social services and wasn't and I'm wondering if you can challenge this (if you want to) if there's no indication of it having anything to do with you?
Good luck. I hope you get the outcome you want. Our devices (around 15) took 5-6 months to come back which is very quick compared to many of the stories I've read on here.
Thankyou so much for all of your replies! It's really nice to know someone is there reading this and understanding what is happening.
Apart from our jobs who had to be told and our parents (due to them panicking when it happened as no one could get hold of us). We have no intention of telling anyone else anything. As a few of you have said... once you tell someone you can't untell them and this could in turn just cause more issues than wanted.
I have now been told I have a meeting at work tomorrow morning so hopefully I will be told I can continue to work.
I can't wrap my head around the fact that items are kept for so long! I understand that they need to be examined etc but they gave me my phone back the next day and kept everything else?! Also, the police kept continuously saying that they don't want it to impact ours lives etc but literally by having our electronics and how it's so quickly affected our jobs I just feel like they weren't being sincere! I guess at the end of the day they have a job to do like all of us but part of me feels let down by them! Not sure if anyone else feels like this?
As for keeping a part of me open to something more coming to light... I agree I do need to do that. And I already have an answer in my head if anything does come to be true. For now I am just praying that he's telling me the truth and that I don't look like a fool!
Thanks again everyone, you have really helped me this evening!!
Apart from our jobs who had to be told and our parents (due to them panicking when it happened as no one could get hold of us). We have no intention of telling anyone else anything. As a few of you have said... once you tell someone you can't untell them and this could in turn just cause more issues than wanted.
I have now been told I have a meeting at work tomorrow morning so hopefully I will be told I can continue to work.
I can't wrap my head around the fact that items are kept for so long! I understand that they need to be examined etc but they gave me my phone back the next day and kept everything else?! Also, the police kept continuously saying that they don't want it to impact ours lives etc but literally by having our electronics and how it's so quickly affected our jobs I just feel like they weren't being sincere! I guess at the end of the day they have a job to do like all of us but part of me feels let down by them! Not sure if anyone else feels like this?
As for keeping a part of me open to something more coming to light... I agree I do need to do that. And I already have an answer in my head if anything does come to be true. For now I am just praying that he's telling me the truth and that I don't look like a fool!
Thanks again everyone, you have really helped me this evening!!
Hey Bubba,
I'm so sorry you've joined us here where no one ever thought they'd be. As others have said, please be kind to yourself right now. The first few weeks following the knock are the worst and it takes weeks to get over the initial shock.
Lean on the forum as much as you want to. The people on here are wonderful and each and every one of us know exactly how you're feeling right now. We've all been there too so we know how awful you're feeling right now. It's a safe space here and there are a lot of wise words from others further down the road.
As others have said, be careful who you tell and my advice would be to keep your circle of people in the know as small as possible. Many on here have lost friends/family as a result of finding out - myself included. I wish I could take back confiding in some people who I thought were true friends and I've since lost, but sadly, once you tell someone, you can never untell them.
Take care of yourself and sending you support from afar xx
I'm so sorry you've joined us here where no one ever thought they'd be. As others have said, please be kind to yourself right now. The first few weeks following the knock are the worst and it takes weeks to get over the initial shock.
Lean on the forum as much as you want to. The people on here are wonderful and each and every one of us know exactly how you're feeling right now. We've all been there too so we know how awful you're feeling right now. It's a safe space here and there are a lot of wise words from others further down the road.
As others have said, be careful who you tell and my advice would be to keep your circle of people in the know as small as possible. Many on here have lost friends/family as a result of finding out - myself included. I wish I could take back confiding in some people who I thought were true friends and I've since lost, but sadly, once you tell someone, you can never untell them.
Take care of yourself and sending you support from afar xx
Hi bubba,
So sorry you're here. It's a rubbish place.
My partner denied everything for about three weeks. Denied ever seeing any images etc. After three weeks something was niggling me and I gave him an ultimatum: if I go through this hellish journey for the next year or more with you to find you've lied to me and the kids all the way thru... We are over forever. OR you can be honest with me now and we can fight this together and theirs hope for us as a family. The next day it all came out... He admitted. I'm not at all suggesting your partner is the same... You do hear about these things happening by accident. But I just want the enthisise that if you have a niggle, ever, throughout any of this journey... Confront him. It's a long journey and you need to be tight together for you to ride it together xxx.
Also... I'm a teacher and wasn't suspended... Maybe that's because he had to move out of the family home... They legally cannot sack you if that's the field you work in. They're not allowed to do dismissal by association in England anymore since 2018.
It's going to be a long journey but you sound well supported xxx
So sorry you're here. It's a rubbish place.
My partner denied everything for about three weeks. Denied ever seeing any images etc. After three weeks something was niggling me and I gave him an ultimatum: if I go through this hellish journey for the next year or more with you to find you've lied to me and the kids all the way thru... We are over forever. OR you can be honest with me now and we can fight this together and theirs hope for us as a family. The next day it all came out... He admitted. I'm not at all suggesting your partner is the same... You do hear about these things happening by accident. But I just want the enthisise that if you have a niggle, ever, throughout any of this journey... Confront him. It's a long journey and you need to be tight together for you to ride it together xxx.
Also... I'm a teacher and wasn't suspended... Maybe that's because he had to move out of the family home... They legally cannot sack you if that's the field you work in. They're not allowed to do dismissal by association in England anymore since 2018.
It's going to be a long journey but you sound well supported xxx
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I am so sorry you are here with us, but we are lovely and you are in the best place.
I too believe that the police knew which device they were looking for. They only asked for my OH's phone. I insisted that they also took my laptop and a tablet that my OH had access to. They returned it the next day and it then took about 8 months for my OH phone to be returned and confirmation that they had found images.
I hope you are correct and it's all a big mistake. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy x
I too believe that the police knew which device they were looking for. They only asked for my OH's phone. I insisted that they also took my laptop and a tablet that my OH had access to. They returned it the next day and it then took about 8 months for my OH phone to be returned and confirmation that they had found images.
I hope you are correct and it's all a big mistake. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy x