Getting divorced
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A lot of women on this forum are currently struggling to keep relationships with their partners intact after the 'knock'. I absolutely take my hat off to you if you have made that decision - it's an extremely brave one. However, there are also other women, like myself, who decided to separate from or divorce their partners once the secrets and lies were revealed. I'm comfortable with that decision now, and have moved on in my life considerably in the two years since my divorce was made absolute. It wasn't easy at first, having a marriage suddenly implode as well as dealing with an impending court case, the associated press coverage, telling friends and family, dealing with neighbours etc etc. I wonder how other women in similar positions have found the whole business of separating/divorcing in these circumstances??
I made the same decision and it hasnt been easy especially since the knock came after we had been married only 6 months. I seperated from him straight away for our daughters safety but qas unable to file for divorce until the day after our 1st wedding annoversary ( 3 weeks ago)
I found the hardest part was this need I had to justify to him the reason I was filing and that his actions werent a good enough reason for him. He doesnt want to get divorced but were never going to be together again so i dont see the point in not divorcing.
Things have been complicated though as he was sentenced to prison 2 weeks before I could file. Sp i have to wait now to see if he will sign them without having contact with him
I found the hardest part was this need I had to justify to him the reason I was filing and that his actions werent a good enough reason for him. He doesnt want to get divorced but were never going to be together again so i dont see the point in not divorcing.
Things have been complicated though as he was sentenced to prison 2 weeks before I could file. Sp i have to wait now to see if he will sign them without having contact with him
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After many years together my partner proposed in Jan this year. All the wedding plans were made. Friends and family flying in from various corners of the world, reception arranged, church service etc....when four weeks before walking down the aisle THE KNOCK came at 6.45 in the morning and my world fell apart. He was arrested for downloadung indecent images of children and may go to prison. First the lies about how one of these files got downloaded by accident and then the reality as the police revealed the serious nature of his behaviour. I asked if he would move out for a few days to a hotel and once he’d gone, fully expecting to come back, I changed the locks and said that due to the nature of the investigation, I didn’t want him in my home. He is not the father of my two grown up children, but has two of his own who now refuse to speak to him,
Like most if you I find it so difficult to equate the man I loved and who cared for me so deeply, was living in this dark secret world for at least 18 months. Maybe longer. I dont know what to believe any more. To start with he came round every day to collect stuff which I would leave outside in black bin liners. I couldn’t bear to look at him. Or speak to him. This was five months ago. I feel as though I’m living in a parallel universe. Hang on, I was supposed to be married, and living happily ever after . What the hell happened? Hell being the operative world. The awfulness of cancelling my dream wedding, all the guests, the caterers, the flowers , the cake, the church....I’m sure you can imagine. About four close friends know the truth.
I have somehow had to find a way of buying him out so I can stay in the house that was mine before we met. He has lost everything. Me, his kids, his home, his life. I am trying, through therapy, and books like those by Paula Hall to make sense of all this. I miss him and our relationship so much. In the past couple of weeks I’ve seen him for coffee, and we’ve talked. Some friends advise against seeing him. But there is no blueprint for dealing with a situation like this. The policeman who said to me that when that knock on the door happens, they come into our lives like a ‘wrecking ball’ was right.
Like most if you I find it so difficult to equate the man I loved and who cared for me so deeply, was living in this dark secret world for at least 18 months. Maybe longer. I dont know what to believe any more. To start with he came round every day to collect stuff which I would leave outside in black bin liners. I couldn’t bear to look at him. Or speak to him. This was five months ago. I feel as though I’m living in a parallel universe. Hang on, I was supposed to be married, and living happily ever after . What the hell happened? Hell being the operative world. The awfulness of cancelling my dream wedding, all the guests, the caterers, the flowers , the cake, the church....I’m sure you can imagine. About four close friends know the truth.
I have somehow had to find a way of buying him out so I can stay in the house that was mine before we met. He has lost everything. Me, his kids, his home, his life. I am trying, through therapy, and books like those by Paula Hall to make sense of all this. I miss him and our relationship so much. In the past couple of weeks I’ve seen him for coffee, and we’ve talked. Some friends advise against seeing him. But there is no blueprint for dealing with a situation like this. The policeman who said to me that when that knock on the door happens, they come into our lives like a ‘wrecking ball’ was right.