Thoughts, questions, coping?
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Nearly 5 weeks post knock now and the last couple weeks have seemed a little better, a bit more normal sort of, but I think that's because I'm quite distanced from my person (we don't live together and they aren't my partner).
I've had minimal contact with my person these last couple of weeks, but I have been speaking fairly regularly to the person they live with. I think that has helped give me a bit of a break from it being at the forefront of my mind all the time, whilst still being in the loop for updates. I also re-started some medication for anxiety which has helped, though I've struggled today so I've found myself back here. For the first 2 weeks I think I read nearly every post on this forum trying to make some semblance of sense of this, but as time goes on I find myself here a little less, though still searching for recent sentencings every now and then...
I keep coming back to one thing that is really worrying me, and that's the amount of images and videos my person has stored. We knew it would be a lot from the length of time they have been searching and downloading them, I read lengyh of time, specific searches and amount are all aggrevsting factors. We now have a rough estimate from them how much they think there is stored and it's shocked me. It's more than I ever even imagined. I really think this is going to impact the sentencing and feel like they will definitely get a custodial for the maximum time for possession.
I suppose my primary concern here is my person's mental health. It's never been great, but right now they are expressing suicidal thoughts (GP has prescribed antidepressants) and though we (my family who know) think they will make it to sentencing, they have openly said they'd rather die than go to prison and they will end their life if that's the outcome.
As much as I'm (maybe selfishly?) trying not to think about this every day, I know it's still there and impacting me. Work is stressful, and I'm not coping very well (usually I'm very resilient and handle work stress well) - every day just seems to be a struggle and I know it's because I feel at capacity dealing with this situation on it's own, as well as my own health issues, trying to conceive with my husband (honestly thinking about this is just another thing that worries me about the future and my person's involvement) and a myriad of other things, but I don't know how to help myself right now. I referred myself through STOPSO to counselling and received reply that a counsellor would be in touch, but that was 2 weeks ago and I haven't heard anything from them.
How do you lovely people cope when balancing life/love/work, it seems impossible!
I've had minimal contact with my person these last couple of weeks, but I have been speaking fairly regularly to the person they live with. I think that has helped give me a bit of a break from it being at the forefront of my mind all the time, whilst still being in the loop for updates. I also re-started some medication for anxiety which has helped, though I've struggled today so I've found myself back here. For the first 2 weeks I think I read nearly every post on this forum trying to make some semblance of sense of this, but as time goes on I find myself here a little less, though still searching for recent sentencings every now and then...
I keep coming back to one thing that is really worrying me, and that's the amount of images and videos my person has stored. We knew it would be a lot from the length of time they have been searching and downloading them, I read lengyh of time, specific searches and amount are all aggrevsting factors. We now have a rough estimate from them how much they think there is stored and it's shocked me. It's more than I ever even imagined. I really think this is going to impact the sentencing and feel like they will definitely get a custodial for the maximum time for possession.
I suppose my primary concern here is my person's mental health. It's never been great, but right now they are expressing suicidal thoughts (GP has prescribed antidepressants) and though we (my family who know) think they will make it to sentencing, they have openly said they'd rather die than go to prison and they will end their life if that's the outcome.
As much as I'm (maybe selfishly?) trying not to think about this every day, I know it's still there and impacting me. Work is stressful, and I'm not coping very well (usually I'm very resilient and handle work stress well) - every day just seems to be a struggle and I know it's because I feel at capacity dealing with this situation on it's own, as well as my own health issues, trying to conceive with my husband (honestly thinking about this is just another thing that worries me about the future and my person's involvement) and a myriad of other things, but I don't know how to help myself right now. I referred myself through STOPSO to counselling and received reply that a counsellor would be in touch, but that was 2 weeks ago and I haven't heard anything from them.
How do you lovely people cope when balancing life/love/work, it seems impossible!
Hi Windchimes - just about to go out but wanted to reply quickly to your post about StopSo therapy. Our son sent in the online form and had no response so I asked on here and was advised to email them directly which our son did, but still had no response so he sent another email which did get a response very quickly. I wonder if they are just overwhelmed with requests at the moment? He is now waiting for a therapist to contact him so yet more waiting but at least he is in the system!! If I were you I'd keep emailing (or phoning but with emails you have a paper trail to refer to if you need to send a reminder). I hate bothering people but this was too important not to get started!
I'd like to reply to the rest of your post later but I'm sure others will do that as they read the forum xx
I'd like to reply to the rest of your post later but I'm sure others will do that as they read the forum xx
Hi, firstly you've found a coping mechanism that many of us rely upon particularly at the beginning of our journey in this forum. Reaching out or reading from afar is equally valuable however I would advise against sentence searching or prediction. This is completely out of everyone's control, the only person having control over this is the judge on the day. In our case we prepared for the worst and hoped for the best. No one predicted the outcome but a custodial sentence was decided by the judge on the day and this is what we have all had to adjust to. We are 6 months post sentencing and we have adjusted to our new temporary normal. It is what it is and we can't change any of it. I've had to learn to live in the present and accept that I will never make sense of it and I'm ok with that. We will be impacted by my husbands actions as a family but won't be defined by it.
Our journey from knock to sentencing took 18 months. That journey has been the most traumatic experience of my life and could have completely broken me, I couldn't see a way out of the darkness I was thrown into. Now I'm in a much better place, I'm more appreciative of the simple joys that surround us and I'm more direct and confident in my communication with my husband. Our journey was further complicated 2 weeks post sentencing when my husband suffered a heart attack. Perhaps it's the realisation that life is unpredictable and precious that has changed my outlook, who knows. Everything is possible xx
Our journey from knock to sentencing took 18 months. That journey has been the most traumatic experience of my life and could have completely broken me, I couldn't see a way out of the darkness I was thrown into. Now I'm in a much better place, I'm more appreciative of the simple joys that surround us and I'm more direct and confident in my communication with my husband. Our journey was further complicated 2 weeks post sentencing when my husband suffered a heart attack. Perhaps it's the realisation that life is unpredictable and precious that has changed my outlook, who knows. Everything is possible xx
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Rainyday, thanks so much for replying when you were heading out! I'll definitely email again and see what happens. I'm not sure how long it takes once they tell you who you're counsellor is as they did with me, but just said I'd get a call the following week (which never came!). Hopefully emailing will give them a nudge!
Life feels over, this forum has been one of very few things that has helped me keep my head above water! I do know the sentencing varies so much, I think I've just been searching for something of a similar magnitude to what we are expecting (possibly 100,000+ images and videos due to length of time and hoarding). I am definitely prepared for the worst, expect the worst and I'll be honest, my hope that it will be any less than the maximum custodial for possession is very low right now, but trying to maintain some hope for the future.
You are absolutely right, we may all be impacted by the decisions of our person, but we aren't defined by this and there is still a life to live for all of us, as well as them. I do believe that, I'm just not sure my person does.
Your journey does sound so very difficult, so sorry to hear of your husband's heart attack, hopefully he has made a full recovery! Your worry for him during that must have been awful. I do think this process/journey/world we have been thrown into puts things into perspective though. It's so difficult but communication is so needed, without it there's just no way to move forward, and I'm glad you have managed to harness that and gain some positivity from this. We have to look for those silver linings don't we!
Thank you so much, and look after yourselves xx
Life feels over, this forum has been one of very few things that has helped me keep my head above water! I do know the sentencing varies so much, I think I've just been searching for something of a similar magnitude to what we are expecting (possibly 100,000+ images and videos due to length of time and hoarding). I am definitely prepared for the worst, expect the worst and I'll be honest, my hope that it will be any less than the maximum custodial for possession is very low right now, but trying to maintain some hope for the future.
You are absolutely right, we may all be impacted by the decisions of our person, but we aren't defined by this and there is still a life to live for all of us, as well as them. I do believe that, I'm just not sure my person does.
Your journey does sound so very difficult, so sorry to hear of your husband's heart attack, hopefully he has made a full recovery! Your worry for him during that must have been awful. I do think this process/journey/world we have been thrown into puts things into perspective though. It's so difficult but communication is so needed, without it there's just no way to move forward, and I'm glad you have managed to harness that and gain some positivity from this. We have to look for those silver linings don't we!
Thank you so much, and look after yourselves xx