Failing at life
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I hope I'm getting close to reaching rock bottom, and from there can start building my way back, but I am consumed with a sense that as a consequence of all 'this', I am failing at life.
I am 14 months from Knock day. My person is in prison.
This is where I am.
- I have a horribly failed relationship.
- I have failed to give my children the happy, secture, content, confidence-inspiring childhood I so desparately wanted them to have and worked so hard for.
- I am failing at my career (having always been done well) as I just don't have the brain space, energy and capacity to be the best I can be.
- I am failing to cope - financially, emotionally, practically.
- I am failing to be happy - wasting my life.
- I am failing to be honest - I'm lying to so many people on so many levels. I hate it so much. Just feels that I am adding more and more layers of secrecy, deceit and shame to a situation that arose through secrecy, deceit and shame.
- I am failing in my own wellbeing - sleeping badly, eating badly, minimal time for expercise (or anything else really).
- I am failing to be normal. I and we are sentenced to a life of abnormality. Of judgement, secrecy, shame, restrictions, limitations, distrust, fear, dread and pain.
- I am failing to protect others from the impact of my sadness. the few family members who know anything are pulling back because much as I try to 'keep my chin up' they have NO IDEA of the burden and can't handle my grief.
- I am failing to be a good example to my children. They see me dragging myself through each day, each week. I'm not the mother I want to me.
- I am failing to be the daughter I was and should be to my elderly mum. I find myself avoiding speaking to/seeing her as I feel so wretched about the fact that any of this is even in her life, and impacting on her extended family so significantly.
- I am failing to socialise at all. But more than that, failing to give my boys experience of social interactions - there will be no more summer BBQs, new years' eve parties, no parties etc etc. Even family gatherings have been hit hard - relationships with the few who know are severely strained, and other family members would question where he is if we attend family events without him. Necessitating MORE LIES.
- I'm failing to believe my person when he says he's changed and that this is all behind him. I live in dread that when he's out he will misinterpret or accidentally breach one of the many restrictions on him, and we'll be back to square 1.
- I'm failing to understand how anyone could prioritise being a pervert over being a parent.
- I fail to see any hope of a happy future for any of us.
And I am failing to accept that my life has turned out like this when NONE OF IT IS MY FAULT.
Sending strength and serenity to all.
I am 14 months from Knock day. My person is in prison.
This is where I am.
- I have a horribly failed relationship.
- I have failed to give my children the happy, secture, content, confidence-inspiring childhood I so desparately wanted them to have and worked so hard for.
- I am failing at my career (having always been done well) as I just don't have the brain space, energy and capacity to be the best I can be.
- I am failing to cope - financially, emotionally, practically.
- I am failing to be happy - wasting my life.
- I am failing to be honest - I'm lying to so many people on so many levels. I hate it so much. Just feels that I am adding more and more layers of secrecy, deceit and shame to a situation that arose through secrecy, deceit and shame.
- I am failing in my own wellbeing - sleeping badly, eating badly, minimal time for expercise (or anything else really).
- I am failing to be normal. I and we are sentenced to a life of abnormality. Of judgement, secrecy, shame, restrictions, limitations, distrust, fear, dread and pain.
- I am failing to protect others from the impact of my sadness. the few family members who know anything are pulling back because much as I try to 'keep my chin up' they have NO IDEA of the burden and can't handle my grief.
- I am failing to be a good example to my children. They see me dragging myself through each day, each week. I'm not the mother I want to me.
- I am failing to be the daughter I was and should be to my elderly mum. I find myself avoiding speaking to/seeing her as I feel so wretched about the fact that any of this is even in her life, and impacting on her extended family so significantly.
- I am failing to socialise at all. But more than that, failing to give my boys experience of social interactions - there will be no more summer BBQs, new years' eve parties, no parties etc etc. Even family gatherings have been hit hard - relationships with the few who know are severely strained, and other family members would question where he is if we attend family events without him. Necessitating MORE LIES.
- I'm failing to believe my person when he says he's changed and that this is all behind him. I live in dread that when he's out he will misinterpret or accidentally breach one of the many restrictions on him, and we'll be back to square 1.
- I'm failing to understand how anyone could prioritise being a pervert over being a parent.
- I fail to see any hope of a happy future for any of us.
And I am failing to accept that my life has turned out like this when NONE OF IT IS MY FAULT.
Sending strength and serenity to all.
I don't see you failing, I see you acknowledging what is going on for you. This is not a failure.
I hope that you are too able to find some serenity and strength xxx
I hope that you are too able to find some serenity and strength xxx
I see a strong mother still standing despite the challenges thrust upon them outside of their control. I see a strong mother adapting to a huge shift in life's journey. I see a strong mother protecting her family by making conscious choices. I see a strong mother showing her children that in life we face adversity but we can overcome the hurdles. I see a woman experiencing overwhelming feelings strong enough to post honestly.
I don't see failure. I hope you find the time and space to find some peace. Sometimes we need to see situations from a different perspective xx
I don't see failure. I hope you find the time and space to find some peace. Sometimes we need to see situations from a different perspective xx
You're not failing, you are surviving the most shocking situation. What other major life situation do you have to deal with alone with little or no support and understanding from others. With no understanding and usually limited information.
Getting through each day shows you aren't failing.
Xxx
Getting through each day shows you aren't failing.
Xxx
Tatters x
I do not see a woman who has been to hell on this journey as failing I see a very strong, caring, empathetic person who has so much to deal with, not one ounce of this had been caused by you , but what you are doing is getting through each day, been a mum, juggling work, home, children, and yet you do it even when you cant face it ,
We as mums take on the burden of everything and I am sure your children do not see the full extent to how you are because you protect, provide, and love them unconditional xx
You are so so much more than you see yourself, you have never and you will never Fail
Please remember that hun xxx
I do not see a woman who has been to hell on this journey as failing I see a very strong, caring, empathetic person who has so much to deal with, not one ounce of this had been caused by you , but what you are doing is getting through each day, been a mum, juggling work, home, children, and yet you do it even when you cant face it ,
We as mums take on the burden of everything and I am sure your children do not see the full extent to how you are because you protect, provide, and love them unconditional xx
You are so so much more than you see yourself, you have never and you will never Fail
Please remember that hun xxx
Absolutely NO way are you failing, you are coping with the most horrendous journey imaginable.
sending a hug x
sending a hug x
We are always our own worst critics and it's so easy to compare yourself to others and see yourself as a failure; but you are not. I see someone with a huge amount of resilience carrying on despite everything thrown at you. That in itself is an achievement.
It's easier said than done but try not to beat yourself up - this situation makes you feel awful enough without making yourself feel worse by beating yourself up in the process. And besides, I would challenge anyone to handle it "successfully".
Be kind to yourself. xx
It's easier said than done but try not to beat yourself up - this situation makes you feel awful enough without making yourself feel worse by beating yourself up in the process. And besides, I would challenge anyone to handle it "successfully".
Be kind to yourself. xx
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Everyone here has stood where you're standing and felt those feelings. But you must be kinder to yourself.The most important words you'll ever hear are the ones you say to yourself, and if you're constantly telling yourself you're a failure then that's what you'll be. You have come through so much and you're still standing, and keeping it all together,that makes you a hero in my eyes. You have to recognise that you didn't ask for any of this but it happened to you nonetheless and you're dealing with it the very best you can.
Start to pay attention to what you're achieving and winning at, even if it's just getting out of bed in time! Write lists every day of what you're grateful for and I promise, the more you do it, the more you'll find to be grateful for. Listen to motivational podcasts and audiobooks, and when you're feeling low, journal. I wrote numerous letters to my person telling him exactly what I thought of him and what he did, I never sent them but burnt them instead, and watching them go up in flames in some way alleviated my anger.
I can say hand on heart I know what you're feeling, but you have decide for your own sake and that of your children's that you're as low as you can go and now you choose to get better. You deserve a happy life, but only you can take the steps to achieve it. You can't change your past, it's done now, but you came through the worst situation that you could ever imagine and you didn't crumble. You're a warrior, all of us in this forum are and we all deserve peace.
Im six years on from my knock, so I know what I'm talking about, if I can be of any help at all please just message xx
Start to pay attention to what you're achieving and winning at, even if it's just getting out of bed in time! Write lists every day of what you're grateful for and I promise, the more you do it, the more you'll find to be grateful for. Listen to motivational podcasts and audiobooks, and when you're feeling low, journal. I wrote numerous letters to my person telling him exactly what I thought of him and what he did, I never sent them but burnt them instead, and watching them go up in flames in some way alleviated my anger.
I can say hand on heart I know what you're feeling, but you have decide for your own sake and that of your children's that you're as low as you can go and now you choose to get better. You deserve a happy life, but only you can take the steps to achieve it. You can't change your past, it's done now, but you came through the worst situation that you could ever imagine and you didn't crumble. You're a warrior, all of us in this forum are and we all deserve peace.
Im six years on from my knock, so I know what I'm talking about, if I can be of any help at all please just message xx