Advice wanted, please help!
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I've messaged you lovely. Xx
My heart goes out to you x
Take a deep breath, considerate on you and your baby x
It is such early days so dont rush in to any decisions x
This journey is full of anxiety, sadness and uncertainty, the police will tell you what you want to hear but do not trust them for a second, they want an arrest and charges
Until you know what your other half is charged off then you can decide on what you need to do,
How is he?apart from total shock
Dont even think what others tell you to do , yes he may have done a bad thing but it dosent change the person you love, no one will judge you here but we are here to offer support and advice and help so please please do not think you are alone in this because you are not xx
Sending strength and hugs and kindness xx
Take a deep breath, considerate on you and your baby x
It is such early days so dont rush in to any decisions x
This journey is full of anxiety, sadness and uncertainty, the police will tell you what you want to hear but do not trust them for a second, they want an arrest and charges
Until you know what your other half is charged off then you can decide on what you need to do,
How is he?apart from total shock
Dont even think what others tell you to do , yes he may have done a bad thing but it dosent change the person you love, no one will judge you here but we are here to offer support and advice and help so please please do not think you are alone in this because you are not xx
Sending strength and hugs and kindness xx
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Life x
So long as you both get the much needed support x
I understand the anxiety, in my case it was my son who offended and from the day of the knock he was suicidal, but he is still here so I am truly grateful, no case on here is the same the outcome are completely different so try not to compare his crime to others as it really does depend on the day in court and the judge x
If he is asked to go in for questioning please ensure he has legal representation,
Its also advisable to not tell anyone the situation you are both in as once told it cannot be undone x
As I mentioned earlier please be kind to yourself 1st and try to take a day at a time, this is a journey that we have no control over even though you will be feeling like you have no where to turn to, you have us xx
So long as you both get the much needed support x
I understand the anxiety, in my case it was my son who offended and from the day of the knock he was suicidal, but he is still here so I am truly grateful, no case on here is the same the outcome are completely different so try not to compare his crime to others as it really does depend on the day in court and the judge x
If he is asked to go in for questioning please ensure he has legal representation,
Its also advisable to not tell anyone the situation you are both in as once told it cannot be undone x
As I mentioned earlier please be kind to yourself 1st and try to take a day at a time, this is a journey that we have no control over even though you will be feeling like you have no where to turn to, you have us xx
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I'm sorry that you find yourself here. I can appreciate how worrying this is for you especially when you are pregnant.
just keep an open mind. The police will have told your partner exactly why he was arrested and they explain what they have found. Just be aware that your partner may not be telling you the whole story. Did he have a duty solicitor present because you could speak to him/ her together.
My ex was arrested nearly a year ago. His offence was also on Kik which he deleted. The " intelligence " against him was shown to him at the police station although he didn't tell me exactly what they'd found for months. Im not sure if they will find enough evidence on his phone to charge him because he deleted the app and wiped his phone. I made the decision not to stay because whether they find it or not he still did it.
I understand how difficult this is for you.... I was also a few weeks away from getting married and I had to cancel everything which was heartbreaking.
Take your time and do what's best for you and your baby. Big hugs
just keep an open mind. The police will have told your partner exactly why he was arrested and they explain what they have found. Just be aware that your partner may not be telling you the whole story. Did he have a duty solicitor present because you could speak to him/ her together.
My ex was arrested nearly a year ago. His offence was also on Kik which he deleted. The " intelligence " against him was shown to him at the police station although he didn't tell me exactly what they'd found for months. Im not sure if they will find enough evidence on his phone to charge him because he deleted the app and wiped his phone. I made the decision not to stay because whether they find it or not he still did it.
I understand how difficult this is for you.... I was also a few weeks away from getting married and I had to cancel everything which was heartbreaking.
Take your time and do what's best for you and your baby. Big hugs
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The police said the same to me after they took my OH away. In fact, the Sargent who stayed with me assured me I'd receive help and information via the post in an "unmarked envelope" so that it's discreet. Almost a year down the line but still no marked or unmarked envelope. They gave him details for LFF though.
the Sargent also said according to her information she didn't this would lead to anything IF nothing further was found on his devices or via chat logs.
I had a call the following day from the OIC and she said if nothing else is found then the one decoy chat would more than likely NFA. That was the first time I came across that term - NFA.
devices should be back in 3-4 months but it took over 8 months. Although nothing more was found except that chat with the decoy the cps decided to press charges.
Unfortunately, the police do say whatever it takes for you to open up. They want to see results. In their opinion, if they've spent time and resources to get an arrest then they'll be wanting a conviction too because otherwise it's been all that work for nothing.
Sadly, the police nor our loved ones gave us a second thought. In the process we the silent victims of this end up having our life destroyed through no fault of our own. X
the Sargent also said according to her information she didn't this would lead to anything IF nothing further was found on his devices or via chat logs.
I had a call the following day from the OIC and she said if nothing else is found then the one decoy chat would more than likely NFA. That was the first time I came across that term - NFA.
devices should be back in 3-4 months but it took over 8 months. Although nothing more was found except that chat with the decoy the cps decided to press charges.
Unfortunately, the police do say whatever it takes for you to open up. They want to see results. In their opinion, if they've spent time and resources to get an arrest then they'll be wanting a conviction too because otherwise it's been all that work for nothing.
Sadly, the police nor our loved ones gave us a second thought. In the process we the silent victims of this end up having our life destroyed through no fault of our own. X
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Hi,
I'm so sorry you are here. I thought I'd try to give a bit of advice from my experience.
-If he is under bail restrictions he has to abide by them as otherwise he is breaking the law. However should the time come bail restrictions and social care restrictions can be the same/different. For example my oh was RUI (released under investigation) so had no bail restrictions but social care but their own restrictions in place which we had to follow
-Social care often won't do assessments or make decisions regarding the future until they know the outcome of the investigation. Police will share information with them. They can assess whether you can supervise, if supervision can be in the home, that sort of thing. But until they know the court outcome it's doubtful they will say anything about the future (other than worse case scenario)
-depending on the outcome of the investigation/sentence he could get a SHPO and the restrictions on this will play a big part in what will happen
-whether you choose to stay or not, if you would like your baby to have contact with their dad you'll have social care involvement. The best thing to say is that you aren't making a decision until you know all the facts but you are learning about how to protect your child so they can have a safe relationship with their father
-get in touch with SaferLives/talking forward for support. The Lucy faithful partner inform programme and the stopso partner course are invaluable for understanding the offences and understanding the risks to your child.
-working with social care and being proactive is the best thing. Don't let them rush you into any decisions.
My oh was arrested before I got pregnant. We are post sentencing- he got a community order and no contact restrictions on his SHPO. We had a battle with ss, but life now is good. He lives at home with us, social care are now closing our case. We have a future as a family.
it can be a really hard and long journey, make sure you look after yourself. Get a good support network in place but I wouldn't tell too many people. I have a stopso therapist as well, she is amazing. Reach out to people on here. Talking forward has given me friends who have been invaluable.
I would ignore the time frames given to you- it took almost 2 years for us to get to court.
I'm so sorry you are here. I thought I'd try to give a bit of advice from my experience.
-If he is under bail restrictions he has to abide by them as otherwise he is breaking the law. However should the time come bail restrictions and social care restrictions can be the same/different. For example my oh was RUI (released under investigation) so had no bail restrictions but social care but their own restrictions in place which we had to follow
-Social care often won't do assessments or make decisions regarding the future until they know the outcome of the investigation. Police will share information with them. They can assess whether you can supervise, if supervision can be in the home, that sort of thing. But until they know the court outcome it's doubtful they will say anything about the future (other than worse case scenario)
-depending on the outcome of the investigation/sentence he could get a SHPO and the restrictions on this will play a big part in what will happen
-whether you choose to stay or not, if you would like your baby to have contact with their dad you'll have social care involvement. The best thing to say is that you aren't making a decision until you know all the facts but you are learning about how to protect your child so they can have a safe relationship with their father
-get in touch with SaferLives/talking forward for support. The Lucy faithful partner inform programme and the stopso partner course are invaluable for understanding the offences and understanding the risks to your child.
-working with social care and being proactive is the best thing. Don't let them rush you into any decisions.
My oh was arrested before I got pregnant. We are post sentencing- he got a community order and no contact restrictions on his SHPO. We had a battle with ss, but life now is good. He lives at home with us, social care are now closing our case. We have a future as a family.
it can be a really hard and long journey, make sure you look after yourself. Get a good support network in place but I wouldn't tell too many people. I have a stopso therapist as well, she is amazing. Reach out to people on here. Talking forward has given me friends who have been invaluable.
I would ignore the time frames given to you- it took almost 2 years for us to get to court.