Contact with kids
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Hi all it's been 2 weeks post knock. Had the social services visit where she was satisfied I can safeguard my children because they have no contact with father, I've changed the locks, told the school and removed him fro access to anything kids related and requested him to disable his social media. The social worker had stressed that while the father can have supervised visits, it's best not to put the children at risk. No photos or video shared. We discussed the kids grandparents as supervisors but as they are sympathetic with the father, they may not be able to properly supervise any visits. It was also stressed with me that just because the father is allowed supervised visits, doesn't mean that I have to allow access if I am not comfortable and it is within my right to decide how much contact I want hem to have.
Spoke to my mother in law today and she is insisting that he can have supervised visits and that social worker said its absolutely fine and the kids are perfectly happy.
A totally different conversation to what I had and now being pressured to allow access but due to new information I got from the police, I am not comfortable with this idea.
Looking to see what other people have done in this situation. How can social worker have two different views when speaking to us separately??
Spoke to my mother in law today and she is insisting that he can have supervised visits and that social worker said its absolutely fine and the kids are perfectly happy.
A totally different conversation to what I had and now being pressured to allow access but due to new information I got from the police, I am not comfortable with this idea.
Looking to see what other people have done in this situation. How can social worker have two different views when speaking to us separately??
I had a similar situation.
social worker didn't tell me what I was allowed but we discussed it based on the circumstances.
only supervused and contact centre ( I found out later why). his folks couldn't do it and we discussed why. Social worker agreed with my rationale. His folks tried to fight it ... and told the kids lies ...
but ... he had told lies to his parents and his solicitors as he had instructed action against me. The solicitors letters were ludicrous... as to where to meet... I did tell the solicitor that through one of my documents to a judge....
his folks blamed me for stopping contact , even now after custodial when they heard what I did. People choose to hear what they want but they think he is not to blame...
if I had agreed to his folks, and been pressurised by the solicitors I could have lost the children.
it took months for the initial social services report so I stood by conversations. I am glad I did. In my case. I was proven right. Their view on safeguarding and their actions since are disgusting.
if you have concerns soeak to the social services again, but if you don't feel they are appropriate supervisors trust your instincts. My ex parents couldn't in my opinion and I was right.
plus it is a big responsibility.
Ultimately they will believe their son. They won't want to think he is a risk, they will think they can understand.
Take care,
social worker didn't tell me what I was allowed but we discussed it based on the circumstances.
only supervused and contact centre ( I found out later why). his folks couldn't do it and we discussed why. Social worker agreed with my rationale. His folks tried to fight it ... and told the kids lies ...
but ... he had told lies to his parents and his solicitors as he had instructed action against me. The solicitors letters were ludicrous... as to where to meet... I did tell the solicitor that through one of my documents to a judge....
his folks blamed me for stopping contact , even now after custodial when they heard what I did. People choose to hear what they want but they think he is not to blame...
if I had agreed to his folks, and been pressurised by the solicitors I could have lost the children.
it took months for the initial social services report so I stood by conversations. I am glad I did. In my case. I was proven right. Their view on safeguarding and their actions since are disgusting.
if you have concerns soeak to the social services again, but if you don't feel they are appropriate supervisors trust your instincts. My ex parents couldn't in my opinion and I was right.
plus it is a big responsibility.
Ultimately they will believe their son. They won't want to think he is a risk, they will think they can understand.
Take care,
Thank you for sharing. I think using the excuse to wait for social services report is a good idea. That way they cannot argue facts.
It's all very frustrating.
Xx
It's all very frustrating.
Xx
Hi,
I'm sorry that you find yourself here. In my situation I was pregnant so had some time to get my head around things before any contact happened.
Some things that I wanted to let you know as someone who is the other side of sentencing and has a different view point now; the police aren't actually allowed to give you any information whilst an investigation is ongoing so don't dwell on what they've said too much. Once your children's father is charged and has been through sentencing you will have all of the information the police had if you go to court. This can take an extremely long time.
I feel that the things that your sw has said shows either a lack of experience in these cases or an attempt to manipulate your decision probably subconsciously. In my case the sw wrote in the report that I'd "made the right decision to end the relationship " essentially saying that any other decision was wrong in terms of safeguarding. This is simply untrue, the same as I feel that saying that the grandparents being "sympathetic" is unhelpful. The grandparents are probably disgusted, distraught and worried that their son and themselves will not have a relationship with your children.
The report from ss could take months and probably be reopened after sentencing since this is when they will get all of the information passed over to them. Be aware that the sw is only human too and they are given limited information so it's possible for their brains to go into overdrive and fill in any gaps.
If I had my time over again I would make sure I have everything in writing (via email) and challenge inaccuracies as and when you notice them. I'd also ask for myself and grandparents to do a safeguarding course, for a meeting with the sw to be held after our completion of the course and for our case to remain open to ss until after sentencing so that myself and my children had access to some support, an opportunity to build a relationship with the sw and to explore all options. At two weeks post knock I was also no contact as he was remanded. If you can have a conversation with his parents without saying that you don't trust them to supervise that would be good. Maybe you could find somewhere in public that you'd be comfortable with your children going with their father and grandparents as often as you deem appropriate until after sentencing as kind of a middle ground while emotions are high. Please don't feel pressured by anyone including professionals. Try to rest and eat when you can, the start of this journey is painful but it will get easier. Love and strength xxx
I'm sorry that you find yourself here. In my situation I was pregnant so had some time to get my head around things before any contact happened.
Some things that I wanted to let you know as someone who is the other side of sentencing and has a different view point now; the police aren't actually allowed to give you any information whilst an investigation is ongoing so don't dwell on what they've said too much. Once your children's father is charged and has been through sentencing you will have all of the information the police had if you go to court. This can take an extremely long time.
I feel that the things that your sw has said shows either a lack of experience in these cases or an attempt to manipulate your decision probably subconsciously. In my case the sw wrote in the report that I'd "made the right decision to end the relationship " essentially saying that any other decision was wrong in terms of safeguarding. This is simply untrue, the same as I feel that saying that the grandparents being "sympathetic" is unhelpful. The grandparents are probably disgusted, distraught and worried that their son and themselves will not have a relationship with your children.
The report from ss could take months and probably be reopened after sentencing since this is when they will get all of the information passed over to them. Be aware that the sw is only human too and they are given limited information so it's possible for their brains to go into overdrive and fill in any gaps.
If I had my time over again I would make sure I have everything in writing (via email) and challenge inaccuracies as and when you notice them. I'd also ask for myself and grandparents to do a safeguarding course, for a meeting with the sw to be held after our completion of the course and for our case to remain open to ss until after sentencing so that myself and my children had access to some support, an opportunity to build a relationship with the sw and to explore all options. At two weeks post knock I was also no contact as he was remanded. If you can have a conversation with his parents without saying that you don't trust them to supervise that would be good. Maybe you could find somewhere in public that you'd be comfortable with your children going with their father and grandparents as often as you deem appropriate until after sentencing as kind of a middle ground while emotions are high. Please don't feel pressured by anyone including professionals. Try to rest and eat when you can, the start of this journey is painful but it will get easier. Love and strength xxx