Family and Friends Forum

My husband lost his job. He applied with agencies and although they said they had work they never did contact him. Luckily he did find something, by applying on his own, told them everything and so far so good. Like most jobs he had a 6 month trial so I'm just playing it by ear. I'm still thinking something bad will happen. I mean really why would people employ people with a record? Maybe I am just panicking. Hopefully your partner will find something soon. Tell him not to give up and just be honest with them x

Can I shed a bit of a different light on things? I'm also panicking about my partner's employment, as he's the main bread winner. I've always managed people and I think historically, if I'd found out someone had a criminal record for these types of offences, I would have been hesitant to employ them. However, this whole process has changed my outlook and I would definitely be more open to employing someone, though obviously I'd want to understand what had happened and have honesty.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that there must be other hiring managers out there like us, who have a more "human" approach?

Crystal, 100% it's made me more open minded. Likewise, I'm so much more appreciative; I was happy before but I didn't realise quite HOW happy I was. I also don't take the little things for granted any more, so as unhappy as I might be now, and as uncertain as my future looks, I know I'll never judge people in the same way again. Xx

Jayne G has your partner been convicted? I'm sure there are people out there who give people chances. If it was me I would like to know more details and then decide from there but to be honest if someone proves they are good at their job then why not. People can be in jobs for years with a good record then something can happen. Like we know, you just cant predict the future.



Crystal good luck I hope you get good news soon x

Hi Rainbow, no, he’s not been convicted at this stage, but it feels like a waiting game. I agree - if someone is good at their job and they’re not a threat, they should have a chance to redeem themselves. I know my partner just wants to provide for me and the kids, and the thought that he might not be able to is tearing him up. Like he says, he’s always worked, always paid his taxes, and doesn’t want to be in a position where he can’t contribute. Xx

Hi Jayne if your partner was to get convicted would it be best for him to tell his employer? They might keep him on. Fingers crossed though that it doesn't get that far.



Lee1969 I'm so sorry to hear that. It's so unfair that you have suffered and it was even your fault. I do hope you find something soon. Can your husband speak to a probation officer? Quite a tricky situation x

My partner has told his employer - he was arrested AT work (preferable to being arrested at home in front of the kids), so he was open and honest with his work. He’s already told them that if he’s convicted he’ll leave so as not to bring the company into disrepute, but they’ve actually been more supportive of him (so far) than my employer has been of me. Bizarre! We both went down the route of honesty being the best policy, but my boss was much more judgemental of me because I haven’t walked away at this stage.

Lee, it sounds like a horrible situation you’re in work-wise. I’m sure you and your daughter will be ok once you’ve got the move sorted, and I really hope your husband sorts something out too xx

Lee I really feel for you and wish i could help you. It's so unfair that people can be that cruel especially when you are innocent plus it's still being investigated so people shouldnt be judging so quickly. Would the samaritans be able to offer advice or citizens advice?



Jayne that does sound positive about your partners job so hang in there. Really strange about your job though as this is nothing to do with you. Why cant people see that. I left my job as they knew and I just felt like I needed a new start away from people who would judge. My new work dont know and I'm wondering whether I should say but then it means reliving it all again x

Hi lee, yes, you’re spot on - I decided I couldn’t stay in a place where I was being judged so openly, when I’ve done nothing wrong. I have managed to find a new role and I handed my notice in this week. I don’t intend to tell my new employer anything unless a time comes when I absolutely have to, but I already feel like I’m being “looked after” better by them. (Also, changing jobs has given us a legitimate-sounding reason to tell people that we’ve put our wedding back a year!)

I know what you mean about the fresh start - it’s soothing in a strange way to know you have the opportunity to just be you, not to be a sex offender (allegedly)’s partner xx

It’s a small business and my boss is the owner, so I don’t think he can have been surprised when I handed it in; he spoke to me in a really disrespectful way a couple of weeks ago, all because I’ve not walked away from my partner. (Not as black and white as that!). I think he thought his “chat” with me would make me leave my partner, not the business! I’ve left him in a tricky situation with losing me and another member of staff within a week of each other, but it’s best for me. I don’t often do it, but I’m putting myself first on this one! (I actually had surgery yesterday, too, so I have the option of being off with a sick note for two weeks now - just deciding what’s best to do financially!)

It must be hard to think about leaving people behind, but those who are important won’t leave your life; the only friend I’ve told lives a considerable distance from me, but we talk every day. I bet you can’t wait to restart your business - will you use the same name as before or are you thinking of changing that, too? I’m sure whatever you do will work, as you seem so passionate about it.

I have recruited people before with criminal records (before all of this happened) and have recruited young people who had “gone off the rails “. I don’t believe in karma, but if it did exist I would hope some of that non judgemental approach will come back round to me. That is one thing I am grateful for - I have never been a particularly judgemental person or been the sort of person to say “I would ever do that” or “they shoukd do that”. In fact I have spent quite a lot of my life rooting for the under dog or trying to give people a chance who other people have written off. And now I am in this position I don’t feel bad for judging other people, because it’s not something I have done that much.

Crystal - I just wanted to say to keep up with your degree. I did a top-up degree which started last September (the knock came in late July) and I've completed it. It's important to do something for yourself and also, it gives you something different to focus on. (Sometimes it's an absolutely bloody nightmare on top of everything else, but you are worth it). You deserve success - as do all of us.

My husband was on £40,000 and that went poof! He will never be employed in a similar role as that would break his probation.

Agencies seem to mess you about, say there is work but none appears, the job support via probation was limited. My husband applied for around 50 roles - he couldnt work with a computer that had internet access (unless he informed his employer of his conviction and the police agreed), so he had to opt for a manual role - something my husband had never done in his life. It took a few months but he has a job. It's minimum wage but at present we can manage. We are lucky. The stress that disappeared when he got the job was immense.

Hi bubble

Ive noticed you have posted on a few topics. Can I ask what your situation is please and how you are getting on etc? X

Hi Rainbow. I started typing out my story on the same day I responded to people. It got a big long-winded as I realise a lot has happened in nearly a year. I deleted it but I will give it another go. I'm ok thank you. I think posting has been a good thing.

Hi bubble

Thanks for replying. I'm wondering if there is a place on here where we can put our stories so dont have to repost. I hope you are ok and on the road to a positive future. Some of us have sent private messages on mumsnet if you are interested in joining. I'm looking for those with a similar story to mine (husband convicted viewing images). A lot who have posted are either waiting or partners have been convicted for a communication issue.

Hello Rainbow,

my now ex was convicted for viewing images. Feel free to ask questions, i’ll answer what I can.

Rosa

My husband has been out of prison for 8 months and is finding it extremely difficult to find work. The job centre are useless and send him job ads which clearly say no criminal record. He went to a job session at probation and he had to meet 3 criteria to qualify and only met one. If he was homeless then they said he would qualify. The job centre said he could work on the railways but work is as and when and around the country and he doesn't drive. It's starting to affect his mental health as he's desperate to work and is just feeling like there's no hope.

Hi rosa

Thank you for your post. Are you on mumsnet?

Thanks x

Hi Lottie,

So sorry to hear there is so much struggle with employment. It is stressful. People tell you that they will call you back but you never hear from them. So many times I wanted to ring them back and tell them how desperate we were to hear back from them. It's soul destroying when applying for jobs which are 'unskilled' and to not receive an interview. The job centre was not proactive, the service offered by probation was also poor - he went to multiple 'try-outs', was told he would be paid for his time (still waiting on that..) and he wouldn't hear back from anyone. He randomly got contacted by an agency who he wasn't signed up with and got taken on and has now got a contract (temporary for three months - then hopefully permanent).

The stress of finances has been one of the worst - we are all so dependent on money. Everything is so expensive. I believe if he was to lose his job now that this would ruin us and I don't believe I could go through that period of instability again. I just hope he gets a break. Wishing you luck.

x

Hi Crystal, you are welcome. I just wish there was something to make things better for us all.

You need to be kinder to yourself. I have felt such a knock to my confidence, I feel scared. I didn't know what feeling I was experiencing, at times constantly but it's fear. Fear that more people will find out, he'll lose his job, someone will target us, he will let me down again...the unknown. Everything.

It's a confusing time. But for what it's worth I respect you and what you are doing. And i'm sure all the people on here feel the same. But they have a level of understanding, thankfully most others don't. xx



Hi Rainbow - I may have a nosey at mumsnet. It may sound silly but I have no kids so I would feel a bit weird signing up...does a dog count? x

Rainbow, i’m Not on mumsnet sorry. Rosa

Bubble everyone is welcome on mumsnet and yes a dog does count lol x