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Advise please friend is a teacher.

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Webb89

Member since
July 2022

438 posts

Posted Fri June 23, 2023 12:36amReport post

I have friends that are teachers. I have either told them or distanced myself from them as I fear I am putting them in harms way. But a friend has reached out and asked to meet up. I have no idea what to say. I do not want to tell them but I also do not want them to get into any trouble by associating with me. They do not see my OH much and for obvious reasons would keep him away. My problem is if i dont tell them and they later find out then i will feel really bad and i do not know if i could handle another rejection. I have already had friends leave me. My OH was in a postion of trust, so though OH was sentenced quickly, they are still waiting for the official enquiry from the regulating authority. This could mean their case being in the papers. It was in the media the first time round. This could take many months yet to complete. Not sure why so long as its an obvious conclusion. I feel damned if I do, and damned if I dont. Seriously thinking it would be so much easier if we split up.



any advice will be welcome. I hate lies and ommisions before this i was a really open person. I feel that my life is one long lie.

Nemesis

Member since
July 2021

125 posts

Posted Fri June 23, 2023 7:46amReport post

say what you feel comfortable with. I had a couple of friends who kept messaging me but I didn't tell them until it was in media ( we split at day if the knock)



I did apologise to them as the media was graphic.



but once told it is hard to untell. I also had friends ask me how I couldn't not know... but some who also kindly shared details of their families... and this is now a common crime...



Professional hearing took several months. I found out by accident as it was reported in press.



ultimately it depends if you trust the person. They may be genuine or just nosey. So do what feels comfortable and right to you

Confused&worried

Member since
June 2022

326 posts

Posted Fri June 23, 2023 3:26pmReport post

I confided in a friends who worked for years as a health visitor. She has been amazingly supportive, however she does see things through the eye of the professionals which is very black and white.



Although she is supportive, I know that she doesn't understand why I have supported my OH, as a result I find it difficult to be around her, not through her actions, it just makes me uncomfortable.

Upset mum

Member since
June 2020

2396 posts

Posted Fri June 23, 2023 3:34pmReport post

Webb89 x

When you meet up you will know what to say

As mentioned once told its out there, but you have to divulge as much or as little as you want to, there is no right or wrong in this as it is your journey, only us who walk in our shoes will understand, so go with what you feel is right for you xx

Inthemoment

Member since
February 2023

358 posts

Posted Fri June 23, 2023 8:18pmReport post

It won't affect them in any way as teachers whether you tell them or not; your person doesn't have access to the children they teach so it's not relevant and they shouldn't be sharing any details of children. The choice to tell or not is yours :)

Webb89

Member since
July 2022

438 posts

Posted Fri June 23, 2023 10:39pmReport post

Thank you all. It has put my mind at ease. I will contact them and decide when i meet up. I vowed never to tell anyone else as i was fed up at re living it time and again.

Gardener93

Member since
May 2022

47 posts

Posted Sun June 25, 2023 10:56pmReport post

Yep. Doesn't effect them at all.

Guilty by association was abolished for teachers in 2018. And even then, it was only if you were close family or living together.

I know for a fact there are teachers with husbands that are on the SOR or under investigation for IIOC and it's made no long term difference to their careers and they live with them.