Victims
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TRIGGER WARNING
I dont want to upset anyone, so would suggest not to read on if you are not in a great place at the moment.
I had my risk assessment interviews this week. It opened lots of boxes in my head that I have closed for self preservation. The thing that really impacted me most, was talking about CSA. We did this immediately after talking about my children, it was the next list of questions.
I could not sleep that night, so consumed with the thought that while my beautiful happy children were in bed, safe and loved, there are children lying in bed scared that someone will come and hurt them. There are children out there being abused and photographed for the entertainment / gratification of others.
These thoughts overwhelmed me and made me wonder, are we all a bit guilty of forgetting the true victims of these crimes and our persons mistakes?!?! I understand that it is done to protect ourselves and allow us to remain strong. As hard as it was, I'm glad that particular box was opened, I don't want to forget those children.
I dont want to upset anyone, so would suggest not to read on if you are not in a great place at the moment.
I had my risk assessment interviews this week. It opened lots of boxes in my head that I have closed for self preservation. The thing that really impacted me most, was talking about CSA. We did this immediately after talking about my children, it was the next list of questions.
I could not sleep that night, so consumed with the thought that while my beautiful happy children were in bed, safe and loved, there are children lying in bed scared that someone will come and hurt them. There are children out there being abused and photographed for the entertainment / gratification of others.
These thoughts overwhelmed me and made me wonder, are we all a bit guilty of forgetting the true victims of these crimes and our persons mistakes?!?! I understand that it is done to protect ourselves and allow us to remain strong. As hard as it was, I'm glad that particular box was opened, I don't want to forget those children.
I really don't think any of us 'forget' the victims of our loved ones crimes. That's why we suffer like we do and have such an horrendous journey.
You don't just brush this behaviour under the carpet. I will never forgive my son for his crime but 'I' personally do not feel guilty for the impact of his crime. I'm innocent....,, he did it, not me!
You don't just brush this behaviour under the carpet. I will never forgive my son for his crime but 'I' personally do not feel guilty for the impact of his crime. I'm innocent....,, he did it, not me!
Confused&worried x
Well done for getting through the assessment
I can totally relate to what you have said x
For me it is slightly different as it is my son who offended and I am grateful I don't have young children at home however his crime will have impacted the victims, I have read the impact statements and honestly my heart broke, the day of my sons sentancing I listened, and while my mother instincts for my son took over my heart was hurting for them, on visits we have spoken in detail of his actions and he totally owns what he did and how wrong it was and he has to live with that, as do we but more importantly do the girls, xx
Well done for getting through the assessment
I can totally relate to what you have said x
For me it is slightly different as it is my son who offended and I am grateful I don't have young children at home however his crime will have impacted the victims, I have read the impact statements and honestly my heart broke, the day of my sons sentancing I listened, and while my mother instincts for my son took over my heart was hurting for them, on visits we have spoken in detail of his actions and he totally owns what he did and how wrong it was and he has to live with that, as do we but more importantly do the girls, xx
I too have very sobering moments when I've read or hear something involving involving the victims of CSA.
One minute I think that the stories we hear about are in the extreme end of this but I'm quickly reminded that even as a child I was aware of adult and teenager relationships where I think the adult thought it was just a bit of fun, a bit of naughtiness and that's how we should look at it (and perhaps did) and whilst the teenagers might not have been petrified, I do think it skewed their outlook on themselves and relationships in unhealthy ways. Perhaps that's skewed my feelings to on some of the charges related to communication.
One minute I think that the stories we hear about are in the extreme end of this but I'm quickly reminded that even as a child I was aware of adult and teenager relationships where I think the adult thought it was just a bit of fun, a bit of naughtiness and that's how we should look at it (and perhaps did) and whilst the teenagers might not have been petrified, I do think it skewed their outlook on themselves and relationships in unhealthy ways. Perhaps that's skewed my feelings to on some of the charges related to communication.
Can I ask what is the risk assessment interview? what stage of the journey are you at? We are nearing sentencing and have young children. I am still confused and scared for what comes next? I'm still confused about everything to be honest. I get mixed answers from everyone I reach out to.
My OH was sentenced in Jan. I have never ruled out my OH coming home and have always said that I hope my family can survive this ordeal. Wr were taken to PLO (Public Law Outline) by SS. They wanted an indiendent risk assessment, and so did we. For that to happen it has to go to PLO so that the funding can be secured by the LA.
SS initial suggested 2 independent forenisic risk assessment compainies, we pushed for it to be done by LFF because they specialise in these types of crimes rather than general criminal activity. LFF will look at all of the reports from police, probation, SS and others we may have been in contact with. My OH had 6 hours of interviews and I have 6 hours. My OH is being assessed for risk while my protective abilities are being assessed. LFF will then make recomendations to SS for a decision on our case to be made.
SS initial suggested 2 independent forenisic risk assessment compainies, we pushed for it to be done by LFF because they specialise in these types of crimes rather than general criminal activity. LFF will look at all of the reports from police, probation, SS and others we may have been in contact with. My OH had 6 hours of interviews and I have 6 hours. My OH is being assessed for risk while my protective abilities are being assessed. LFF will then make recomendations to SS for a decision on our case to be made.
The victims are constantly in my mind, and at the heart of my pain. I posted my own thoughts on this a while ago...Tormented by thoughts of the victims
I have also become hypersensitive to children's suffering - I shudder and recoil when I even hear a child or baby crying, or a parent telling of their child, or a little one having a strop... My mind goes instantly to the worse case scenario now.
One more new burden to carry now I'm part of this world...
I have also become hypersensitive to children's suffering - I shudder and recoil when I even hear a child or baby crying, or a parent telling of their child, or a little one having a strop... My mind goes instantly to the worse case scenario now.
One more new burden to carry now I'm part of this world...
I just wanted to note for other people that it isn't always necessary to go to PLO to have specialist risk assessments done. This sounds like a 'rule' for your local authority and frankly it's outrageous - the threshold for PLO is the same as court, and funding for a risk assessment shouldn't come into it.
The LA could have made that decision on a child in need plan but chose not to; presumably their funding panel will only allow spending at the highest level of risk hence PLO but honestly that makes me so angry because that means your level of risk and need has potentially been manipulated to meet a made up funding threshold (I don't know your full situation but no one should be under pre proceedings purely to fund a service)
Not all LAs will follow this and it's definitely something to try to challenge under the human rights act and the need for LAs to take the least invasive action possible
Having said all that I'm pleased for you that the assessments are happening and I hope you get a positive outcome
The LA could have made that decision on a child in need plan but chose not to; presumably their funding panel will only allow spending at the highest level of risk hence PLO but honestly that makes me so angry because that means your level of risk and need has potentially been manipulated to meet a made up funding threshold (I don't know your full situation but no one should be under pre proceedings purely to fund a service)
Not all LAs will follow this and it's definitely something to try to challenge under the human rights act and the need for LAs to take the least invasive action possible
Having said all that I'm pleased for you that the assessments are happening and I hope you get a positive outcome
Inthemoment
Thank younfor you kind words. We were not on a CIN, we have been on CPP Since day one. The PLO was a compromise because they were threatening me with care proceedings because i didn’t "volunteer" to do all the things that the asked me to do "voluntarily".
I was 100% bullied into a PLO, however I'm so glad that I was. I now have a great solicitor and it allowed me to voice my issues with SS in a very formal environment.
Thank younfor you kind words. We were not on a CIN, we have been on CPP Since day one. The PLO was a compromise because they were threatening me with care proceedings because i didn’t "volunteer" to do all the things that the asked me to do "voluntarily".
I was 100% bullied into a PLO, however I'm so glad that I was. I now have a great solicitor and it allowed me to voice my issues with SS in a very formal environment.
Thank you everyone for your comments.
I don't think a necessarily worded my first post very well. I know that we don't "forget" the victims. I'm just very conscious that they do not get mentioned very often on this forum and in other places that we go for support. I was curious as to if that is some kind of self preservation rather than us minimising the impact.
I hope I have not offended anyone.
X
I don't think a necessarily worded my first post very well. I know that we don't "forget" the victims. I'm just very conscious that they do not get mentioned very often on this forum and in other places that we go for support. I was curious as to if that is some kind of self preservation rather than us minimising the impact.
I hope I have not offended anyone.
X
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I had to reply- it is one of the main reasons I don't think my marriage will ever work. I am 'fortunate' that my OH was chatting to a police decoy and there was in fact no real child being discussed, but he didn't know that. As far as he was concerned, a mother was willing and able to discuss her daughter with a stranger online, in the most disgusting way. And I just can't switch my head off from thinking about all the poor children who are in this position. The ones who arent a decoy.
I have become so protective of my daughter that I can't let her out of my sight, even sending her to school can be a struggle. I lay awake at night and worry if she is not with me. (I am seeing a therapist for this now) but I feel like it has ruined my life and I trust no one.
No one has really mentioned the real victims in all of this, which are of course the children, real or not, that are involved in this.
My heart hurts for them.
I have become so protective of my daughter that I can't let her out of my sight, even sending her to school can be a struggle. I lay awake at night and worry if she is not with me. (I am seeing a therapist for this now) but I feel like it has ruined my life and I trust no one.
No one has really mentioned the real victims in all of this, which are of course the children, real or not, that are involved in this.
My heart hurts for them.
Mine too, and I will never forget the pictures I had to look at...
I even now won't have the same colour of bedding which I always loved, as it was in the images...
deep breaths ...
I even now won't have the same colour of bedding which I always loved, as it was in the images...
deep breaths ...
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