Rejection
Notifications OFF
Supported him from the knock to court a year and a day after. He will never talk about it. He says we have grown apart and cannot live together. I pretend to the world it is mutual. But I am broken. I am getting counselling but not really helping. After a year of hyper vigilance and complete focus on him I am left with nothing. He considers me a trigger i think. I am so tired of trying to work out what he is thinking. 7 months of living apart now. How do I summon the energy to start again. Keep to the truth that I love him and want what is best for him but have to move on Any advice welcome.
I'm so sorry all of it has happened. From the knock to separation.
It's super human kind if anyone who stands by their partner despite their hideous crime.
It's impossible to figure out what may be going on in someone else's head and trying to figure it out will mess with yours!
He may want a fresh start, he may not share your mutual goals any longer, he may want you to have a chance at a normal life without his restrictions..
Either way as we all have to do. Breath. Take one day at a time. Cry. Eat the chocolate. The peanut butter. Whole tub of it! Change your hair colour. Binge watch the telly. Run a bath. Do whatever you need to do to take care of you, and give yourself time.
It's super human kind if anyone who stands by their partner despite their hideous crime.
It's impossible to figure out what may be going on in someone else's head and trying to figure it out will mess with yours!
He may want a fresh start, he may not share your mutual goals any longer, he may want you to have a chance at a normal life without his restrictions..
Either way as we all have to do. Breath. Take one day at a time. Cry. Eat the chocolate. The peanut butter. Whole tub of it! Change your hair colour. Binge watch the telly. Run a bath. Do whatever you need to do to take care of you, and give yourself time.
Hi,
What counselling are you receiving? Have you looked into options available from counsellors who specialise in these crimes? You should still be able to access these as you have been through the whole situation and have been impacted by it.
You are incredibly strong although you probably won't feel it right now. Once you've done everything suggested above and are ready to start looking at what you want for your life then make a list of your goals, interests and things that are important to you. Reconnect with friends and join new local groups to continue to build your circle and increase your knowledge of your chosen hobbies.
Your life can be filled with happiness again, it takes time. Be kind to yourself xxx
What counselling are you receiving? Have you looked into options available from counsellors who specialise in these crimes? You should still be able to access these as you have been through the whole situation and have been impacted by it.
You are incredibly strong although you probably won't feel it right now. Once you've done everything suggested above and are ready to start looking at what you want for your life then make a list of your goals, interests and things that are important to you. Reconnect with friends and join new local groups to continue to build your circle and increase your knowledge of your chosen hobbies.
Your life can be filled with happiness again, it takes time. Be kind to yourself xxx
Golden,
I supported my partner through almost 2 years, we'd only been together for 9 months at the time of the knock and prior to the knock we were on cloud 9. Getting through that time with the cherry on the cake of him being acquitted it felt like a dream come true. I had no doubt he'd propose to me not long after and we'd buy a house etc. It's been anti-climatic to say the least. We lived through that time putting our dream of it all being acquitted on a pedestal where promises were made of how good our life would be after. That hasn't been the case if I'm honest. Money has been tight because of his fines, he's been spending more and more time with his friends, seems to be wasting his money on crap, I've been feeling less and less a priority and then yesterday we had a row which started very minimal but turned into him being very disrespectful and vile towards me. I've had enough. As things stand I don't want reconciliation - don't even know whether he will try because he's stubborn but I don't care. I love him of course but his behaviour is not okay.
I think the majority of us make such a MASSIVE sacrifice (and that is an understatement) to support partners (and others) through this horrific journey that I don't think they can ever truly make up for the suffering it causes. I think many of us need to remember what we deserve in life and if things don't work out it isn't a waste or a bad thing, we just did what was right at the time and supported a loved one who needed it. Right now I will be focusing on me, going back to the gym, seeing my friends more, spending time watching things on TV that I want to and doing all of the things that also get sacrificed when playing housewife. I try to see it as a sense of freedom and focus on the negatives of being with him when feelings of sadness or worry come into my head. We have been through hell and back, we can do anything xx
I supported my partner through almost 2 years, we'd only been together for 9 months at the time of the knock and prior to the knock we were on cloud 9. Getting through that time with the cherry on the cake of him being acquitted it felt like a dream come true. I had no doubt he'd propose to me not long after and we'd buy a house etc. It's been anti-climatic to say the least. We lived through that time putting our dream of it all being acquitted on a pedestal where promises were made of how good our life would be after. That hasn't been the case if I'm honest. Money has been tight because of his fines, he's been spending more and more time with his friends, seems to be wasting his money on crap, I've been feeling less and less a priority and then yesterday we had a row which started very minimal but turned into him being very disrespectful and vile towards me. I've had enough. As things stand I don't want reconciliation - don't even know whether he will try because he's stubborn but I don't care. I love him of course but his behaviour is not okay.
I think the majority of us make such a MASSIVE sacrifice (and that is an understatement) to support partners (and others) through this horrific journey that I don't think they can ever truly make up for the suffering it causes. I think many of us need to remember what we deserve in life and if things don't work out it isn't a waste or a bad thing, we just did what was right at the time and supported a loved one who needed it. Right now I will be focusing on me, going back to the gym, seeing my friends more, spending time watching things on TV that I want to and doing all of the things that also get sacrificed when playing housewife. I try to see it as a sense of freedom and focus on the negatives of being with him when feelings of sadness or worry come into my head. We have been through hell and back, we can do anything xx
Thank you so much all of you. This really really helps and I am so grateful to you. I have been true to my heart. It just hurts so much. Time to shake myself down - and do something defiant eh. xxx