Sister worries help, arrested brother, suicidal mum
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Hi, can't believe I find myself here...
Yesterday on my way into work I got a phone call from my distraught mum. Got the knock. Brother been in custody for 25 hours now, they've had an extension approved.
No idea what he's done, or whether he's getting out.
Not slept. Not eaten. Can't think.
I'm concerned for the welfare of my brother and also my mum. I tried to be strong yesterday but I am shaking, terrified. My dad's with her but I know how she gets. She will blame herself for this.
Has anyone else had experience with extended custody and why it happened?
I have a successful career, it's all I have. Can I lose my job? Should I disclose it? I don't live with them. I'm moving house. I am the only one responsible for my mortgage. What if I can't afford the higher mortgage? Can I lose my job because of whatever my brothers done? Will I ever get a job again because of my brother?
I'm so frightened. I don't know how to support my mum and dad best. I don't know how to think right now.
I've been obsessively reading every post on here trying to get a sense of reality but this is not where I thought I'd be. I feel like it's a horrible nightmare.
Will he even get out of custody?
Any words will help me I'm sure.
Yesterday on my way into work I got a phone call from my distraught mum. Got the knock. Brother been in custody for 25 hours now, they've had an extension approved.
No idea what he's done, or whether he's getting out.
Not slept. Not eaten. Can't think.
I'm concerned for the welfare of my brother and also my mum. I tried to be strong yesterday but I am shaking, terrified. My dad's with her but I know how she gets. She will blame herself for this.
Has anyone else had experience with extended custody and why it happened?
I have a successful career, it's all I have. Can I lose my job? Should I disclose it? I don't live with them. I'm moving house. I am the only one responsible for my mortgage. What if I can't afford the higher mortgage? Can I lose my job because of whatever my brothers done? Will I ever get a job again because of my brother?
I'm so frightened. I don't know how to support my mum and dad best. I don't know how to think right now.
I've been obsessively reading every post on here trying to get a sense of reality but this is not where I thought I'd be. I feel like it's a horrible nightmare.
Will he even get out of custody?
Any words will help me I'm sure.
If you don't live with them, there is no need to disclose.
take some deep breaths.
on one of the other boards (maybe understanding why), near the top, is advice for surviving the early days.
this is a horrible shock and you will feel helpless for a while yet.
the LFF helpline are amazing; call them and they might have more detailed answers to your questions.
be careful who you tell at this stage; you can't untell anyone and people react in unexpected ways
xxx
take some deep breaths.
on one of the other boards (maybe understanding why), near the top, is advice for surviving the early days.
this is a horrible shock and you will feel helpless for a while yet.
the LFF helpline are amazing; call them and they might have more detailed answers to your questions.
be careful who you tell at this stage; you can't untell anyone and people react in unexpected ways
xxx
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Sistress, I am so sorry you have found yourself here. I can't offer any advice on why they are holding your brother for so long but I did want to say something about disclosing to your employer.
The answer is it depends. I don't know what you do or what or who you work with or for but I would recommend that you check your policies and/or your contract of employment to see if it says anything about change of personal circumstances. Aside from the fact you might need additional support for your mental health from your employer, if they do need to know, it's better to upfront and confide in someone you can trust early in the process.
That said, do be careful who you do tell. Once out you can never untell it. A close friend of mine said something quite shocking to me soon after I'd confided leaving me feeling like I wish I hadn't said anything. I don't know whether our friendship will stand the test of this journey. We are four months post knock so a long way to go still.
Hugs x
The answer is it depends. I don't know what you do or what or who you work with or for but I would recommend that you check your policies and/or your contract of employment to see if it says anything about change of personal circumstances. Aside from the fact you might need additional support for your mental health from your employer, if they do need to know, it's better to upfront and confide in someone you can trust early in the process.
That said, do be careful who you do tell. Once out you can never untell it. A close friend of mine said something quite shocking to me soon after I'd confided leaving me feeling like I wish I hadn't said anything. I don't know whether our friendship will stand the test of this journey. We are four months post knock so a long way to go still.
Hugs x
Hi sweetie - calm down and (I know it's easier said than done) but don't try and work out everything at once, let things unfold.
I know it's terrifying when a loved one is whisked off by the police, your terrified for them and for the consequences of it all, we are with you on this - it's horrible.
Yes take the ladies advice and try to get some advice. Deep breaths and I'm sending you a virtual hug I've been through it xxxxxx
I know it's terrifying when a loved one is whisked off by the police, your terrified for them and for the consequences of it all, we are with you on this - it's horrible.
Yes take the ladies advice and try to get some advice. Deep breaths and I'm sending you a virtual hug I've been through it xxxxxx