Family and Friends Forum

I have struggled too... Less physically as a direct result, but I have gained a huge amount of weight and feel a bit disgusting but this isn't directly related to his offence but more related to the stress of it and depression.

I am hugely less confident in my ability to trust or believe my own judgement though as a result of the situation.

I also thought I was "better" than to be in this position, so my ego has taken a battering. I now of course know we are all only one bad decision away from being involved with the law.

Hi,

I can completely relate to the loss of self esteem and confidence. I have a health condition that causes my weight to fluctuate very rapidly, I'd just gone through a massive gain in the months prior to the knock and also went through the last six months of pregnancy without seeing my person so my body had completely changed and I had that kind of alienation from my body that I think most people have after childbirth. I feel that this experience has aged me a lot too and I'm struggling with that quite a bit, I think partly because there is an age gap between myself and my person. It's not a huge one but because I had my older children late teens and early twenties I had always felt a lot older than him as I had to grow up fast and didn't do the going out clubbing etc that he and his social circle still did when I met him.
Like Sal I've also felt my confidence in my abilities to make judgement calls has suffered. I'm far less trusting and probably self reliant to a fault. I'm hoping that when we get to a stage of couples counselling that I may find this lessens as I don't tend to open up much to him about how much of an impact this has had on me as a person. I've changed so much, not all negatively but I'm absolutely not the same person as I was before this xxx

I can so relate to this. The process of going through this nightmare has aged me beyond belief in th last 2 years. When I look in the mirror I just see a tired old face. My weight has ballooned. Every Monday I think right I'm going to make an effort to get myself right again but by Wednesday it's all gone downhill again. I've also become much more reclusive, but that's because of all the lies I am having to tell. One day I tell myself all will be good again xx

Ginger biscuit, what you wrote totally resonates with how I have been feeling... my sex life died off as soon as I was pregnant with my first child... I thought it was the weight gain for him and health issues or erectile dysfunction... no clue it was porn! He rejected me so many times I stopped trying and the years just flew by. I am absolutely pissed! Especially with him making me feel unwanted or "pressuring" him. This whole time he was getting his kicks off watching porn.

All of this is shocking and have left so many of us feeling so bad about ourselves, taken away our confidence, worn us down emotionally and have taken away trust in men.

I started having Botox and fillers (not adapted a love island look but brushed off a few years, looking like I slept well when I didn't).

Also changed my hair colour.

Total makeover, feels as if the knock did not happen to the person I see in the mirror..

I completely get this. I was beginning to think I may be the only one! Every time I look in the mirror I hate what I see and the person I've become in such a short time since we got the knock.

I seem to have a very short fuse now too and my temper is ridiculous where as before I use to be a pretty calm person.

I hope you start to feel differently one day. I hope you can heal and begin to feel some sort of normal soon! x

I think I've aged, and get more aches and pains, but then again I am mid 60s!

on a positive note, as a person I feel stronger and do not dither about as much, show more determination and confidence in myself. I could easily be swayed by other people's opinions at one time - that's not the case these days! I mostly stand tall despite the wobbles that come along.