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Autistic brother

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Don't know where to turn

Member since
June 2023

1 post

Posted Mon July 3, 2023 9:12amReport post

Hi so I received the knock twice my brother is autistic and he lives with me as we lost our mother two years ago. I've had alot of people pull away from me for sticking by my brother but I'm all he has and in all honesty he's all I have. I'm in two minds because I know him and I know he would never hurt anyone he has sent some messages no photos if that makes a difference. I'm just looking for some advice in all honesty. How do I deal with the fall out and also how to deal with everything that's about to come. I don't make any excuses for my brother he did what he did but I can't help thinking when he talks about it that he doesn't really understand it. I know the police have to do their job and I'm getting him the help with counciling. I'm not gonna lie either I'm livid with him but I'm also terrified of losing him. Any advice would be gratefully appreciated

Another worried mum

Member since
December 2022

130 posts

Posted Mon July 3, 2023 10:18amReport post

Hi, so sorry you find yourself here. This forum will give you lots of support so stick around there are ladies on here who are lifesavers. You are not alone.

I know there are people on here whos person is autistic, (it seems quite common in some of these crimes) hopefully they will give you some good advice.

You sound like a lovely sister.Your brother is lucky to have you. You may find calling the helpline a good support and advice resource.

Remember to be kind to yourself, you have done nothing wrong.

Confused&worried

Member since
June 2022

326 posts

Posted Mon July 3, 2023 10:19amReport post

Hi.

It was my OH that was arrested, but we have 2 autistic children so I do understand the complexity of neurodiversity. I woukd suggest that you try and find a solicitor who has an understanding of autism. Also, reach out to the National Autistic Society, they may able to advise you on how to help your brother navigate the judicial system.

I hope things go as well as they can, and I for one admire and respect you for standing by your brother x

Alison20

Member since
March 2021

362 posts

Posted Tue July 4, 2023 11:57amReport post

Hi

I am so sorry that you find yourself here.

There is some research to show being on the autistic spectrum can make you more vulnerable to going down this dark path of viewing illegal images and/ or communicating online. It could be worthwhile you looking at the research online that has been written by Dr Clare Allely in relation to people on the autistic spectrum and sexual offending.

I think it would be very beneficial for you speak with the helpline. Your brother could work with them by doing the Inform Plus Course. The young person in our family who is also on the autisitic spectrum worked with them and it helped him a lot to understand why he had ended up down this dark path.... Do you think this is something your brother would consider?

Has your brother got a formal diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder? If not, I would recommend you look into how to get a formal diagnosis. If he has got a diagnosis it would be good to locate this paperwork (or get a copy for the GP) as this will probably be useful to share with his solicitor and used to support your brother's case.

Does your brother or you belong to other support groups that maybe able to help you? Charities like NAS, Rethink, Mind may be able to offer your support.


I hope this information helps in some way. Remeber to take care of yourself the best you can.

Thinking of you and your brother.

Alison20

Member since
March 2021

362 posts

Posted Tue July 4, 2023 12:08pmReport post

Just to add it may be good for you to also contact the STOPSO charity if you have not already contacted them, to see how they can help support you and your brother.

Take care.

Don't know where to turn

Member since
June 2023

1 post

Posted Tue July 4, 2023 6:51pmReport post

Hi thank you for all the messages it's helped alot. My brother is formally diagnosed so I can look into getting his papers thank you so much I feel so alone in this and this forum has made me feel less so. I am going to contact Stop it now helpline myself because I didn't at first because I wanted my brother to access it first so he can start to get the help he needs. Also thank you for all the information and the kind words not gonna lie I have questioned myself repeatedly about what I had done or not done that could have contributed towards his behaviour.

Daffodil

Member since
March 2022

965 posts

Posted Thu July 6, 2023 7:01amReport post

Post deleted


Edited Tue October 24, 2023 9:12am

Don't know where to turn

Member since
June 2023

1 post

Posted Thu July 6, 2023 4:38pmReport post

Hi daffodil,

Thank you for your reply. Yes I am registered as my brother's main carer. His social worker has been amazing and has done alot to help he is trying to get in contact with the police himself to give them his knowledge of my brother and his issues. I have tried to tell the police I have been in contact with about my brother's needs. He is in all honesty completely dependent on me he has trouble bathing himself and daily tasks are a nightmare. I'm running into the issue that they don't seem to care so I appreciate the information to help with them and my brother's rights. I have been helping him do the modules so that he can get the help he needs. I was wondering if anyone knew the pricing involved in a lawyer with a background in autism I'm not rich by any means and getting him a lawyer with a background in autism would be beneficial but I'm worried it will be expensive.