Will it ever get easier
Notifications OFF
Hi it's been 14 months now since the knock I decided to leave my partner of 13 year, 2 kids together just wondered if anyone had experience with the bail conditions that they aren't allowed to stay overnight at the same address as there kids. Grandparents supervise the kids mainly around there dad but the kids aren't allowed to stay overnight at the grandparents house with him living there still. Feel like I cant go out for nights out with friends due to this as can't just leave kids on own. Im wanting to start dating again but feel I cant do this as can't even go out on an evening to meet anyone ,where's ex partner is out every weekend enjoying his life where's the justice in that it's like I'm the one being punished really. When it's all sorted out or a charge is brought in anyone experience would he perhaps be allowed to have kdis overnight with his parents being there too? He has not had any physical contact with any children as far as I'm aware it's being viewing and sharing from what I've been told. Just feel how much longer is this going go on for! It did go to cps apparently 3 months back and still no word. Just needed to rant a bit as feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment.
Similar to my oh but his was "making" we stayed together but he is now back at home and allowed unsupervised with our children so there is a chance he will be allowed. In our safety plan it does state my oh can't be in the bed with the children of they get up in the night so it would mean grand parents maybe doing that if needed. I have also felt that it's not fair they can go about as they want with no restrictions and we get it all. My oh actually said how unfair it is and that it's him that should suffer not me
Thanks for your reply just feeling a bit sorry for myself lately and with the kids summer holidays coming along it's more on me childcare, feel I can't move on as I can't really have a life. I would trust his parents to supervise if he was allowed them to stop at the grandparents overnight where he lives . it would give me more of a break really and be able to go out with friends, just feel if this isn't going happen it's punishment for me. Just feel it's a cruel waiting game and not sure how much more I can cope feeling like this held it together for the last 14 months as best I can. Frustrated with the whole justice system how long it taking etc.
It really is horrible having your freedom taken away by not fault of your own. I had two years of supervising before he could be unsupervised
Hi Ginluver,
We have a similar situation although we are the grandparents. Our son who is living with us since his arrest (no contact or sharing, just images) has to move out when his kids come to stay. He finds the cheapest Airbnb (although he has to make sure there are no children likely to be there too which can be risky as you can't explain why you need to know!) but it still gets very expensive so might not be viable in your Ex's situation. But if he wasn't there overnight the children could stay in the grandparent's house. Our son disappears after the kids have gone to bed and appears again first thing in the morning.
The more I read up about it the more I come to believe that these 'one size fits all' bail conditions for online only offenders are unlawful. Of course there needs to be safeguarding in place around bedtimes, personal care etc, but that would be social services responsibility to check up on. We have a safety plan all ready to use if our son was allowed to stay in the house overnight as long as the SW said it was adequate but the police just don't care. Bail conditions are to be appropriate and proportionate but in many cases like our son's they don't seem to be. Why does he have no conditions on his internet use, for example? That would seem appropriate, rather than saying he can't go into his home in case he tampers with evidence (the police have it all!) or witnesses (there aren't any).
It just seems so unfair on everyone, and especially the immediate family trying to get on with their lives. Sorry not to have any positive input but sending an empathetic hug across the internet x
We have a similar situation although we are the grandparents. Our son who is living with us since his arrest (no contact or sharing, just images) has to move out when his kids come to stay. He finds the cheapest Airbnb (although he has to make sure there are no children likely to be there too which can be risky as you can't explain why you need to know!) but it still gets very expensive so might not be viable in your Ex's situation. But if he wasn't there overnight the children could stay in the grandparent's house. Our son disappears after the kids have gone to bed and appears again first thing in the morning.
The more I read up about it the more I come to believe that these 'one size fits all' bail conditions for online only offenders are unlawful. Of course there needs to be safeguarding in place around bedtimes, personal care etc, but that would be social services responsibility to check up on. We have a safety plan all ready to use if our son was allowed to stay in the house overnight as long as the SW said it was adequate but the police just don't care. Bail conditions are to be appropriate and proportionate but in many cases like our son's they don't seem to be. Why does he have no conditions on his internet use, for example? That would seem appropriate, rather than saying he can't go into his home in case he tampers with evidence (the police have it all!) or witnesses (there aren't any).
It just seems so unfair on everyone, and especially the immediate family trying to get on with their lives. Sorry not to have any positive input but sending an empathetic hug across the internet x
Post deleted by user