Family and Friends Forum

Yes it does become normal, but a different normal. The kids are fairly young so apart from knowing daddy did something that he needed to sort out and that the lady came round a few times (social worker) to check how they were, they think everything is normal. Close friends and family know and while it hadn't always been easy they have been great. I dont think many other people know, no one has said anything to me and I dont say anything to them. It's a challenge sometimes but why does anyone else need to know our business. The hard part on the kids is daddy cannot do all the stuff he did before like school events, look after kids on his own. We need to ask if it's ok or are least think if its appropriate before we do things like holidays, swimming, family days out. Most things are fine but it is kind of upsetting if we find something we can't do, I've never read the small print before when planning things but now I always do. I think we almost carry on as a happy family, like we have always been just with a few adjustments. It is quite isolating as I'm reluctant to make new friends and just dont have the time or tolerance for any drama/gossip etc from anyone anymore. But apart from those few things our life is almost back on track and we are doing ok now.

Hi Rainbow,

my husband was never convicted but that’s made no difference, the allegation is widely publicly known and I have an obsessed troll on social media so I face the same things as many of you, more than those with convictions in many cases sadly.

I grieve for my old life. My successes, my happy family relationships, my very happy friendships group, my own presence on social media (not now obviously!) my successful career and my unblemished professional and personal reputation.

I think like any loss there is a ‘new normal’ but I don’t like it one bit.

It has changed me but I think for the better, I’m far more open minded and have known of many injustices. I’m much more likely not to jump to conclusions and feel much more likely to say now ‘live and let live’. I really dislike those who have opinions on other people life choices which limits me in friendships but then who needs friends like that?

Hi Maria - when you say you read the small print, what do you mean? Do certain places specifically exclude people on SOR or do you have to ask whoever responsible for your husband’s case?

I mean read the small print, hotels, theme parks, holiday parks, camp site etc. I read the small print for all things like that before booking. Some are vague so we check with police if they think it's ok if we are unsure but for example butlins, haven, other holiday parks, some hotels/resorts say in their policies that they do not accept guests who are on any criminal register, if it's a holiday for 7 days or more the police need to know where he's staying etc for sor so it's best to check because otherwise it could be a waste of money if you dont check first. If its unclear he asks the police if they think it's ok, he has no restrictions on his shpo but I just dont want any issues when we go anywhere or stay anywhere.

Hi Rainbow,

yes I too have stayed with my partner. We have a son together aged 11 years. I am only with him tho to keep our family together, our son doesn’t know anything about what his dad has done. (He was caught by a vigilante group a year ago and is currently released under investigation)

My partner is a brilliant dad, I cannot praise him enough! He is a very hard working role model for our son, but unfortunately got on a very bad path!..understatement!

He is having therapy twice a week.

i would say don’t listen to anyone, do what you feel best for you and your family.

I have told my family and his family know as well, I have told 2 close friends. I did tell a very close friend who,promptly dumped me never to be in contact again!

My family are not very happy I am a still with him but understand why.

Having said alll that I will never ever trust him again and I will never be like a ‘couple’ with him again. I always thought I would be with him forever but I know I won’t when our son is grown up.

Sometime I think things are very bleak and other days I feel stronger. No one on this forum deserves what has happened to them. Like I said I think you must do what is best for you and do not care what anyone else thinks, it is your life.

Mabel x

I am currently still with my husband but my emotions/feelings are still very up and down. I am going to get counselling as I need to sort my head out first before we can get on with thing's.

My thing that I am really struggling with is the fact that I still want to do things with my husband (if you know what I mean) and that is really mucking with my head as I feel it is not the right thing to do....

Am I being wrong to me and to him??

Mata xx

As always I am so grateful for this forum. So many of you are thinking what I am thinking and feeling exactly the same emotions.

I feel blessed to know I'm not alone, but sad for us all to be sharing this experience.

Two weeks after court, and my emotions are still very much all over the place. One minute I see the man I married, then I remember what we have lost and I feel so angry. Having to rein these feelings in because the children are there isn't easy, but we do it because we have to.

I just want to reach a stage when the hurting becomes less and less.

Hugs to you all.

Hi my husband hasnt been charged yet still under investigation. I am hoping for some sort of family life afterwards. Maria can I ask what problems have you come across with holidays and days out and if you dont what places if you dont mind me asking. What is it your looking for in the small print that maybe a silly question but I'm not sure xx

Your looking for information on guest restrictions or similar wording in the terms and conditions. For example if you read the terms and conditions for butlins/haven etc its says either they do not except guests on any criminal register including sor/or they do not knowingly accept guests with criminal records or on a criminal register. Some hotels, holiday parks (cottages/caravans etc), campsites etc are the same. Anywhere where there are lots of children even if it doesn't say on company website the police and probation may advice that it's not appropriate. If you dont have kids it's probably not such an issue but with small kids your always likely to go to places where lots of other kids are. You cant get away with not saying anything and booking anyway because to comply with the sor they have to say where they are staying. Theme parks are not so clear, it just says if theres any reason you may upset other guests you may be refused entry, so you can go but again it's more about what is appropriate. My partner poses no danger to anyone but it's important he doesn't put himself in any situation that could cause any issues or put him in any danger. Most days out are fine, I just never leave him alone with our kids or any others, we stick together as a family as we always have. Life is still fun and the kids still have a great time, we just think about what we are doing more. What your partner is charged with, what level of risk probation/ss/police think he poses will make a difference to how normal live can be and also what restrictions the court impose if any.

i Everyone post court hearing 2 weeks ago husband got a 2 years suspended jail sentence.

We have been married nearly 35 years and have two grown up sons and grandchilden, while waiting over 18 months to come to court we carried on living together, at times very strained when I got angry and just cant understand a man of 65 could do this sort of thing, or any age to be honest

One day I want to be with him, the next day I dont, I know if I stay with him my family wont visit, that thay they do now, I am allowed to see the grandchildren, but would have to visit them, which is no big deal. Me Sons say they cant tell me what I should do, but will still support me if I choose to stay with him. It will mean moving to another area and selling up, which I dont really want to do as we only moved 12 months ago. Any positives would be good read on other people experiences thanks Sue