Family and Friends Forum

Hi, legally your children are ‘children’ until they are 18. However dependent on lots of things there could be an argument for an individualised assessment. Lots of variables to take into account. A family law solicitor will advise you but be prepared for the limit to be 18.

Hi

i have a family solicitor - engaged one as soon as SS got involved. Be prepared that they will say they can only represent him (not you) as what they would advise your partner may be different to what they advise you. I did some research and made sure my one was accredited as a family solicitor and specialised purely in field of children. They are not cheap, but it does feel really good to have someone who is looking after your interests and who also knows the system really well.

i think SS would be hard pushed to say that after 16 your partner couldn’t have unsupervised contact, as long as the child knows and understands the offence and doesn’t have any special needs which limit that understanding. Also note that after the age of 17, children’s services cannot issue care proceedings on that child

Good advice Big Sigh, pertinent fact about orders etc. Rainbow yes get one that specialises in family law, there should be some in your area, they used to be part of a voluntary registration on the panel of FL Solicitors but I’ve lost touch now, been out of the game for too long.

Hope you’re doing ok Big Sigh

Hi

get a specialist solicitor - one that has accreditation to Law Society’s. children’s panel and a member of Association of Lawyers for Children. Perhaps choose one that works fairly locally to you so they have some experience if family courts and SS in your area. Are sure you google them - they should have a profile online which tells you about their experience.

In order to reduce costs you can type up a summary of everything g that has happened and do your own photocopying of documents - that stuff really adds up. I get it all ready for my solicitor and only email when there is something v important as they charge for everything.

Jaded - I’m a bit crap actually. The limbo is crucifying. Trying to raise a family and deal with normal life with all this hanging over me is hard. Feels like the cracks are starting to show and me and partner are more tense with each other than we have ever been in our whole relationship. It just grinds you down. He is starting to say he doesn’t care any more, he just wants them to do whatever it is they are going to do so we can start to move on

Big Sigh I know that feeling, we had months of it and so much pressure from my employers as well we had to agree to live separately when he was charged too. But I always tried to keep things in perspective, this total madness that grinds good people down. I think I was able to look past the hand wringing of professionals because I’d seen it from the inside, many of those professionals believe this has gone too far. All I can say is you’ll need to dig deep, really deep, into your own truth. I think of you often and wish I could speak to you face to face.

Hi Rainbow. I understand the bitterness, but don’t let it eat you up. You will need to let go of it to move to the next stage. In terms of your partner’s contact with your children, have a real good think of what you want before seeing the solicitor as then the time will be well spent with them. If you have thoughts of reconciling, or at least being closer, that is fine as long as that is what you want.

I am no expert in this but some of the things which might demonstrate to everyone (inc SS) that you are both parenting safely are: you attend a course designed to give you more safeguarding awareness to show you are a capable protective parent, look at the parents protect website and devise a safety plan, show that you u derstand that due to his offence there is an increased risk but the risk is manageable with your vigilance, your partner attends a course which addresses his offending behaviour and he can demonstrate the impact of that course and can articulate the changes, both you and he can talk articulately about how life was before the offence and what changes you both can see now after this work (so before he may have been detached and stressed but now he has devised stress management techniques which he can talk about). You may want to consider getting an independent risk assessment done by a trained therapist/ psychologist - this is not cheap but may be worth the money, both for your peace of mind but also if he is low risk then it strengthens your position on why you are deciding to let him have increased contact.

i can’t remember if he has a SHPO in place?

Jaded - think of you often too. Have told my partner about you and read out some of your advice to him. You are becoming a part of the family !

Rainbow - if he has no SHPO in place I think that there is nothing legally stopping him from seeing his kids and exercising his parental responsibility. SS have no legal powers at all to stop him seeing his kids when and where he wants. HOWEVER, that said, I wouldn’t recommend you both do that just now. But it is useful to bear in mind that it is only a judge who can remove children from their parents (police can for a v short amount of time in an emergency). What it will boil down to, unfortunately, is how SS perceive you and the choices that you make as the protective parent. So even though it is your husband who has offended, it will be you who comes under the most scrutiny.

It may be best for you to engage the solicitor rather than him. Work out what it is you want (easier said than done). Do you want reconciliation, do you him to live with you as a family, do you want him to have more access to the children ? Only you can work this out (and there are no right or wrong answers). Then when you have an idea of what it is you want then think of the steps you would need to take to get there. I can’t remember how old your children are, but if one is later teens then you could even differentiate the amount of access according to their understanding. Write down a clear rationale for your decisions and the you could go through them with a solicitor.