Struggling to explain to my son
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We are 5 months past the knock and I am still struggling how to explain to my son what his father has done and why. At 12, He is at a crucial age of learning about relationships and sex and I don't want to open up the sordid world my husband has been in. He knows he has clicked on inappropriate images and the police are investigating. He is also so scared he will go to prison.
It's difficult for him to understand why my husband and I are separating, as I can't really explain it and don't want to slag off my husband to him. But the supervised visits are a strain as I'm snapping at my ex. He is being so awful behind the scenes about the divorce and then arriving at my house in a surly sulk. Much as I try to act in a friendly way for my child's sake I just couldnt do it today. After he left I had my son in tears. I feel so guilty about ripping his world apart but I just cannot stay with my husband.
Any advice on how to tackle this difficult age?. There are no books on this stuff! Normal divorce books simply aren't enough for the complexities about this.
It's difficult for him to understand why my husband and I are separating, as I can't really explain it and don't want to slag off my husband to him. But the supervised visits are a strain as I'm snapping at my ex. He is being so awful behind the scenes about the divorce and then arriving at my house in a surly sulk. Much as I try to act in a friendly way for my child's sake I just couldnt do it today. After he left I had my son in tears. I feel so guilty about ripping his world apart but I just cannot stay with my husband.
Any advice on how to tackle this difficult age?. There are no books on this stuff! Normal divorce books simply aren't enough for the complexities about this.
You haven't ripped his world away, that was his dad.
My social worker was actually really helpful with this and she advised that if we don't tell children things, they fill in the gaps themselves. It took me a few weeks to feel strong enough but I then was as open with my similar aged child as I felt I could be. I had to explain a lot about what porn was, but it was pretty straightforward after that.
feel free to DM me
x
My social worker was actually really helpful with this and she advised that if we don't tell children things, they fill in the gaps themselves. It took me a few weeks to feel strong enough but I then was as open with my similar aged child as I felt I could be. I had to explain a lot about what porn was, but it was pretty straightforward after that.
feel free to DM me
x
Hi Anxious Mummy
When I found the memory stick with images on it, I had to tell my daughter before I called the police. Although she was 17 I told her everything and she was also there when I gave a statement to the police. I think that with all the lies that are ex say I think it is better to tell the truth to your son, mention to him that he may or may not go to prison. I told my daughter that we couldn't stay together because of what had happened and the lies. If you tell your son first and then your ex can't tell him his version. My ex told my daughter he had been doing this for 2 years but I found out in the courts that it was 12 years possibly longer. I told my daughter the details of the court and when he went to prison, it was hard for her to hear but I believe that she needed to know the truth so she could make up her mind whether she wanted to see him or not. I also believe as my husband had this secret life, that keeping secrets never works and that while the true can be horrific secretes are worse and always come out.
Regards
Bereft
When I found the memory stick with images on it, I had to tell my daughter before I called the police. Although she was 17 I told her everything and she was also there when I gave a statement to the police. I think that with all the lies that are ex say I think it is better to tell the truth to your son, mention to him that he may or may not go to prison. I told my daughter that we couldn't stay together because of what had happened and the lies. If you tell your son first and then your ex can't tell him his version. My ex told my daughter he had been doing this for 2 years but I found out in the courts that it was 12 years possibly longer. I told my daughter the details of the court and when he went to prison, it was hard for her to hear but I believe that she needed to know the truth so she could make up her mind whether she wanted to see him or not. I also believe as my husband had this secret life, that keeping secrets never works and that while the true can be horrific secretes are worse and always come out.
Regards
Bereft