Early days and scared
Notifications OFF
Knock this week
devices being searched though his phone is back on monday
Im worried about social services as I have two late teenage children from prev partner and 4 year old with him.
at the moment he can't come home due to bail conditions
im am worried about the child safety plan as it effectively forces me to be a single parent which means my plans to get a new job and him helping more with the kids are all on hold for years :(
my person is addicted to porn and like many others it went to far but it's all female porn so would that put me in a better situation with him having access to our son and helping me?
told no one but if this goes on for ages how can we hide it from friends and family?
im really worried that they will also perceive a huge problem with my teen daughter but I don't believe currently she is at risk
we could devide our house in 2 as spare room has separate entrance and door between house could be locked.... I already have a blink camera that I could put on the locked door overnight
the reality is that I can never go out now, to have a life , see friends, book club etc and that makes me so angry :(
help , advice support welcome please
devices being searched though his phone is back on monday
Im worried about social services as I have two late teenage children from prev partner and 4 year old with him.
at the moment he can't come home due to bail conditions
im am worried about the child safety plan as it effectively forces me to be a single parent which means my plans to get a new job and him helping more with the kids are all on hold for years :(
my person is addicted to porn and like many others it went to far but it's all female porn so would that put me in a better situation with him having access to our son and helping me?
told no one but if this goes on for ages how can we hide it from friends and family?
im really worried that they will also perceive a huge problem with my teen daughter but I don't believe currently she is at risk
we could devide our house in 2 as spare room has separate entrance and door between house could be locked.... I already have a blink camera that I could put on the locked door overnight
the reality is that I can never go out now, to have a life , see friends, book club etc and that makes me so angry :(
help , advice support welcome please
Hi Scared,
This is such a difficult time for you. I'm 6 months down the road and remember the early days, desparately trying to work out how to do this mountainous challenge we faced. It's our son who's the offender so a bit different from you as his bail conditions are only a problem when his children come to stay and that's bad enough!
We asked about the conditions as his sister and her son wanted to come and stay so we wondered if it would be OK if our grandson slept in with his mum and we put a lock on the bedroom door. It didn't seem much different from being in a hotel room and it would be permissable for our son to be in the next bedroom to a child at a Premier Inn, for example. But no, definitely not allowed. He then asked about sleeping in our summer house or even camping in our garden which is quite big and below our house, but that wasn't allowed either. It seems the definition is 'not at the same address or within the boundaries of the property.' It's very frustrating as legally bail conditions should be appropriate to the offence so you'd think that online offences would have conditions put on internet use rather than not being with children.
You can challenge the conditions (our son's solicitor did) but the police always say no, then you have to take it to the magistrates which, unless you understand all the legal stuff would mean paying a solicitor a shed load of money to do it for you with no guarantee it would work. And if it did you would then have Children's Services worried as their criteria is different to bail conditions. With them our son is considered high risk at the moment even though he is pre-charge still, so he decided to just live with the bail conditions and not worry the social worker. You really can't win! It's costing him so much as his children visit as often as possible but he has to book into a hotel or an AirBnb which is so expensive and as his money dwindles away he is starting to worry about being able to pay the bills at his home which will ultimately create a big disruption for his wife and children but the police don't give a damn about them.
I'm sorry everything is so difficult as well as the emotional strain. All you can really do is take each problem as it comes and try not to look too far ahead or you will combust mentally. It really is true that things slowly sort themselves out and we adjust to the new normal even though there will be tears, frustrations and all the emotions under the sun on the journey. Big hugs xx
This is such a difficult time for you. I'm 6 months down the road and remember the early days, desparately trying to work out how to do this mountainous challenge we faced. It's our son who's the offender so a bit different from you as his bail conditions are only a problem when his children come to stay and that's bad enough!
We asked about the conditions as his sister and her son wanted to come and stay so we wondered if it would be OK if our grandson slept in with his mum and we put a lock on the bedroom door. It didn't seem much different from being in a hotel room and it would be permissable for our son to be in the next bedroom to a child at a Premier Inn, for example. But no, definitely not allowed. He then asked about sleeping in our summer house or even camping in our garden which is quite big and below our house, but that wasn't allowed either. It seems the definition is 'not at the same address or within the boundaries of the property.' It's very frustrating as legally bail conditions should be appropriate to the offence so you'd think that online offences would have conditions put on internet use rather than not being with children.
You can challenge the conditions (our son's solicitor did) but the police always say no, then you have to take it to the magistrates which, unless you understand all the legal stuff would mean paying a solicitor a shed load of money to do it for you with no guarantee it would work. And if it did you would then have Children's Services worried as their criteria is different to bail conditions. With them our son is considered high risk at the moment even though he is pre-charge still, so he decided to just live with the bail conditions and not worry the social worker. You really can't win! It's costing him so much as his children visit as often as possible but he has to book into a hotel or an AirBnb which is so expensive and as his money dwindles away he is starting to worry about being able to pay the bills at his home which will ultimately create a big disruption for his wife and children but the police don't give a damn about them.
I'm sorry everything is so difficult as well as the emotional strain. All you can really do is take each problem as it comes and try not to look too far ahead or you will combust mentally. It really is true that things slowly sort themselves out and we adjust to the new normal even though there will be tears, frustrations and all the emotions under the sun on the journey. Big hugs xx