How do I deal with the future
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Hi everyone, my OH is on trial in January. I'm trying to get my head round how to approach the future. If he goes to prison, which looks likely, I have the financial responsibility of paying the rent, council tax, bills, etc. I don't think I can continue being with him once he'sreleased. All our plans for marriage and moving to another country we had before he did are now over. I am the only support in his life. His family has always been unsupportive since he was a child. He'll definitely lose his job. He has few friends, and I suspect most people will turn their back on him. My heart breaks that he's so vulnerable (and possibly a suicide risk). I'm so full of conflicting emotions. How have any of you dealt with your emotions about your OH?
Hey Julie,
I don't think there is much that can be advised as feelings change as do sometimes circumstances. I planned to leave my partner if he was found guilty at trial (which we had no idea whether that would happen lr not) yet I also found myself contemplating supporting him. I prepared financially as best as I possibly could for the worst. There were so many factors which would've played into my decision - being in the media, the sentence length, etc. All you can really do is take things day by day and prepare for the worst eventuality, you never know what the future will bring x
I don't think there is much that can be advised as feelings change as do sometimes circumstances. I planned to leave my partner if he was found guilty at trial (which we had no idea whether that would happen lr not) yet I also found myself contemplating supporting him. I prepared financially as best as I possibly could for the worst. There were so many factors which would've played into my decision - being in the media, the sentence length, etc. All you can really do is take things day by day and prepare for the worst eventuality, you never know what the future will bring x
The conflicting emotions regarding your person is probably the hardest part of this journey. You just have to deal with them as they come up and allow yourself to feel them. I went from hatred and anger, to feeling so sorry for him, missing him deeply to never wanting to set eyes on him again. Every feeling you have is absolutely valid and there is no right or wrong way to feel. It really helps to write it down. I wrote letters to my person and just let everything out, all my anger, fears and heartbreak and then burned them and I can't tell you how much that helped me to let go.
it's hard for you to see it now, but you will find peace and joy again, but for now just take it day by day and try to live in the moment.
it's hard for you to see it now, but you will find peace and joy again, but for now just take it day by day and try to live in the moment.
Thanks for your replies. Even though I'm a year and a half since The Knock, I'm going through a seriously intense angry stage after last week's court appearance. Before court we met up with his barrister who read out part of the transcript of my OH's communication with the undercover police officer. I felt nauseated by what he wrote, which my OH actually denies saying! He's pleaded not guilty to facilitating, although he's now talking about a plea bargain with the CPS as he knows he's bang to rights. For the past year and a half he's been in denial, and when I've asked him what he actually did, he fed me tiny bits of information, but made out he was a victim of police entrapment. Having been read by his barrister a few lines of the correspondence between him and the PO, I know he was an active participant. Like many of the individuals arrested, he used the lame excuse that he wasn't serious. It was just 'chat'.
As we don't have children, I'm planning my life without him now. I'm going to go off adventuring, visiting friends and family I haven't seen in ages, going places I've never been before, before his court case next year. His horrific behaviour will not destroy me.
As we don't have children, I'm planning my life without him now. I'm going to go off adventuring, visiting friends and family I haven't seen in ages, going places I've never been before, before his court case next year. His horrific behaviour will not destroy me.