Family and Friends Forum

Honestly Bubba there is light...... it is horrible at first - hug sent on that one! You just feel so bloody desperate, full of crappy emotions.

I feel I have changed - in some respects for the better, I have gained more strength and have more passion in things I believe in. At one time for an easy life, I tended to drift along agreeing with others, but that's gone.



I am also more aware of people's feelings, a better listener and not as judgmental as I was.

Sadly don't think you can go through this and not change.

This is still such early days for you. The heightened emotions will subside.

A year in the biggest change I have noticed is my strength. I am a much stronger person than I ever believed I was.

It will get better x

@bubba

i am sending so much love and hugs your way right now and what you are experiencing is totally normal.

unfortunately you are going through the grief stages at the moment but it will get better. You are grieving what should have been, what could have been, what will be, your loss of hopes, dreams, aspirations, partner/son (I don't know your situation so fill in where appropriate), life in general. There is nothing wrong with feeling that loss at all. We all have, those on this journey will attest to that.

your mind is only just in this, take your time to process, allow yourself to be mad/ angry/ disappointed etc. don't feel broken if you have a spark of happiness or hope. All emotions (even the anger) are good emotions but hey allow you to work through what you need to work through.



allow yourself the feelings you feel, seek help if you feel it's getting out of hand or you feel you can't cope. We are all here for you.

all the best things in life start with struggling xxx

I remember being told that it would be a long process after a month and thinking that a month already felt like an eternity. I had no idea how I would cope with the not knowing and the endless waiting. Honestly it gets easier, I'm still angry and depressed but I'm functioning. Holding down a full time job, looking after 2 kids and dealing with 2 sick parents...stronger then ever. Wish the world would stop so I could just have a break from it all, but most days I just live my life. I actually think my relationship with my kids is better for this, know that sounds weird but we are a tight trio and they are amazing girls, dealing with not really knowing what is going on. Be kind to yourself, you have time to get your head around this and everyone on here has found their own ways to cope. You will too. X

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Hi! I have changed, massively. I am now calmer, more mindful, appreciative of the small things in life. Less of a worrier, and less trusting particularly with media, I do no social media at all! I'm happier in my smaller world. More independent and I look for joy, friends who I love to be with, and I laugh, lots! Finally and importantly, I am very proud of myself and where I am now. I never thought I'd get here, couldn't even see it, but here I am!! xxxxx

What an inspiring post Tabs x

Thanks Smile x I think all of us that have survived this are inspirational!
I should also add that I am also more forgiving, look deeper, the 'why's' not just focussing on the 'what's' . I am also painfully aware that there is just not enough focus on men's mental health, and help doesn't go deep enough nor is it available when needed!
I have also learnt that I was very naive and unaware of what was happening within our justice system. I am much better informed!
xxx

Bubba, should have said I started off with all the negative emotions possible. It's all 'normal' for this anything but 'normal' situation. I spent a lot of time talking about my feelings to family, friends, helpline and therapist. I learned to let things go, focus on only things I could control. Just need to do whatever you need to do. I became a world champion cryer! xxx

Yes I too have many regrets but I try to let them go, overthinking the past makes no difference to where we are now.