Unsure
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had the knock over 2 months ago for partner have downloaded some images. Have been told he is to be unsupervised with our 2 kids. I understand this and have had family members helping with child care a lot!
Social services have said they have no concerns about him with children and the police have also said the same. The office in charge also said he would try and get this changed cause we were struggling with family- having there own lives and holidays . Then got told they can't change the bail conditions until all the devices have been checked. None have been checked yet!! They have taken 2 old laptops that don't even turn on and a I pad that's very old won't turn on and neither of us can remember any passwords for them.
this just feels never ending I love my partner and I don't think he is a risk to any children, again the old addicted to porn!
he has started therapy for this and has parental settings on his new phone so he can't look at porn even if he wanted to. If he gets a warning would he definitely go on the sr? Unsure if I'm willing to stay with him if that's the case
had the knock over 2 months ago for partner have downloaded some images. Have been told he is to be unsupervised with our 2 kids. I understand this and have had family members helping with child care a lot!
Social services have said they have no concerns about him with children and the police have also said the same. The office in charge also said he would try and get this changed cause we were struggling with family- having there own lives and holidays . Then got told they can't change the bail conditions until all the devices have been checked. None have been checked yet!! They have taken 2 old laptops that don't even turn on and a I pad that's very old won't turn on and neither of us can remember any passwords for them.
this just feels never ending I love my partner and I don't think he is a risk to any children, again the old addicted to porn!
he has started therapy for this and has parental settings on his new phone so he can't look at porn even if he wanted to. If he gets a warning would he definitely go on the sr? Unsure if I'm willing to stay with him if that's the case
Well done for posting. Sorry you have joined this club. It's great to hear that your family are supporting with childcare
With regard to him going on the SOR, even if he just gets a caution, it's 2 years on the SOR.
but there are plenty of people who are allowed unsupervised access whilst on SOR. You will need to write a safety plan which LFF have pinned at the top of this page. That your latter already has put in place therapy and phone monitoring will help, showing he is serious about recovery.
with regard to your devices, you're in for a very long wait. We had two ancient devices which we had forgotten the passwords to and they still haven't been checked and we are 9 months in. The device they took which wouldn't even turn on they returned to us as they couldn't turn it on either.
I don't fully understand how bail works, but the police might change it to RUI - that has happened to others on here, but again, I would perhaps call the helpline.
Social services are more likely to let him supervise if you have done some work too. Circles run a course for partners, the Lucy Faithful Inform course is fab. There is also the NSPCC PANTS work for younger children.
big hugs to you and good luck
xx
With regard to him going on the SOR, even if he just gets a caution, it's 2 years on the SOR.
but there are plenty of people who are allowed unsupervised access whilst on SOR. You will need to write a safety plan which LFF have pinned at the top of this page. That your latter already has put in place therapy and phone monitoring will help, showing he is serious about recovery.
with regard to your devices, you're in for a very long wait. We had two ancient devices which we had forgotten the passwords to and they still haven't been checked and we are 9 months in. The device they took which wouldn't even turn on they returned to us as they couldn't turn it on either.
I don't fully understand how bail works, but the police might change it to RUI - that has happened to others on here, but again, I would perhaps call the helpline.
Social services are more likely to let him supervise if you have done some work too. Circles run a course for partners, the Lucy Faithful Inform course is fab. There is also the NSPCC PANTS work for younger children.
big hugs to you and good luck
xx
Hi there - I can give you some info about bail conditions as we've just been down that road too!
They have to be appropriate and proportionate to the alleged offence but police often slap on conditions which aren't. So for online only offences it's not appropriate to have conditions about no contact with children. Also they can't be speculative ie 'just in case' it's discovered in the future that there have been contact offences as well. That is what all the official Gov and CPS websites state and yet the police often just ignore this. If challenged and asked to change the conditions they will refuse at first but if taken to the magistrate's court then it can be challenged there as being unlawful (which it is). But unless you know how to present it or can afford to pay a solicitor to do it for you (our son's quoted £1600 plus VAT!) with the possibility that the request is refused anyway, few people do this.
We have been down this road with our son but decided to just suck it up as if his bail conditions were dropped then Childrens Services would come in with their own restrictions, as their definition of risk is much higher than the police's (what they say can be ignored but it's not wise to get their backs up, especially if you have good relationships with them already) It's a bitter pill to swallow as it creates all kinds of financial and practical problems whenever our son sees his children, which aren't necessary and eventually will impact his ability to keep paying the bills at his home as his savings will run out. How is that in the best interests of his family?
I'm sure there must be police who are considerate and reasonable but please be wary and distrustful of anything they tell you. We have learnt the hard way! xx
They have to be appropriate and proportionate to the alleged offence but police often slap on conditions which aren't. So for online only offences it's not appropriate to have conditions about no contact with children. Also they can't be speculative ie 'just in case' it's discovered in the future that there have been contact offences as well. That is what all the official Gov and CPS websites state and yet the police often just ignore this. If challenged and asked to change the conditions they will refuse at first but if taken to the magistrate's court then it can be challenged there as being unlawful (which it is). But unless you know how to present it or can afford to pay a solicitor to do it for you (our son's quoted £1600 plus VAT!) with the possibility that the request is refused anyway, few people do this.
We have been down this road with our son but decided to just suck it up as if his bail conditions were dropped then Childrens Services would come in with their own restrictions, as their definition of risk is much higher than the police's (what they say can be ignored but it's not wise to get their backs up, especially if you have good relationships with them already) It's a bitter pill to swallow as it creates all kinds of financial and practical problems whenever our son sees his children, which aren't necessary and eventually will impact his ability to keep paying the bills at his home as his savings will run out. How is that in the best interests of his family?
I'm sure there must be police who are considerate and reasonable but please be wary and distrustful of anything they tell you. We have learnt the hard way! xx
Hi
thanks for the reply's I will look into the course and the pants book. The police said they would try and change his bail conditions but then back tracked and said they had to look through all the devices first! I will get him to speak again with the police about bail changes when they call next week as family are starting to struggle.
Dose feel better have other people understand what I'm going through as friends and family don't really get it
thanks for the reply's I will look into the course and the pants book. The police said they would try and change his bail conditions but then back tracked and said they had to look through all the devices first! I will get him to speak again with the police about bail changes when they call next week as family are starting to struggle.
Dose feel better have other people understand what I'm going through as friends and family don't really get it
Hi unsure, your situation sounds very similar to ours. We are about 2 months in and haven't heard anything since, sill feel in limbo.
When my OH downloaded porn, he found inappropriate images which he says he deleted straightaway and I don't have reason to doubt him. The SS closed our case weeks ago and don't believe he is a danger to children, but he is still under bail and not able to sleep at home or be unsupervised with our 15 year old daughter. We haven't had a word from the police.
He has done a stupid thing and he shouldn't have let his addiction get so bad.
When my OH downloaded porn, he found inappropriate images which he says he deleted straightaway and I don't have reason to doubt him. The SS closed our case weeks ago and don't believe he is a danger to children, but he is still under bail and not able to sleep at home or be unsupervised with our 15 year old daughter. We haven't had a word from the police.
He has done a stupid thing and he shouldn't have let his addiction get so bad.
I'm still with OH but feel like a mug having ss meeting with the school and police. Can't stop crying makes me feel like a bad mum. They kept saying I have to prove that I can protect my kids but then in the next breath say they don't believe they are in any risk. Just feeling very down about it all now that I understand how long this is all going to take. Not sure if I can forgive him for this just don't know what to do.