Lost all hope....
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Hi King - I know others who have been there and done that will come along soon to give you some advice on coping. I'm afraid I can't as I'm a step behind you and our son is going in for a second interview this coming week. We don't know if it will be to tell him about his devices having been checked as it's also to ask him some questions about another matter so it's all a bit nerve wracking.
Desmond Tutu said that hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness, and your OH certainly seems to be facing up to what he's done and seeking the help which will make him a better and healthier person, which in my book is light in this horrible gloom. Nothing can take that away from him and you.
Also, this next step is scary for sure, (they all are) but it's a step nearer to the finishing line. Sending a big hug xx
Desmond Tutu said that hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness, and your OH certainly seems to be facing up to what he's done and seeking the help which will make him a better and healthier person, which in my book is light in this horrible gloom. Nothing can take that away from him and you.
Also, this next step is scary for sure, (they all are) but it's a step nearer to the finishing line. Sending a big hug xx
Hi King,
Im so sorry you are going through this but please believe me (though it's hard to see now) there is light after this phase of investigation. I too found myself in a very similar situation to your self, my husband of over 25 years was convicted of all categories/downloading/distributing etc however there are mitigating factors which sadly were never taken into account at his sentencing. My husband's case was high profile due to the nature of his previous employment and I was in the same situation as yourself suffering with acute anxiety and totally traumatised following the knock. The knock ? happened early 2021 and following x 1 police interview he was told by his solicitor he had nothing to worry about and the case would be dropped! Unfortunately the CPS thought differently and he was summoned to court in November 2021 whereby he had the most incompetent and amateur solicitor representing him who advised to plead guilty otherwise he would be facing a custodial sentence. He did as he was advised this was following a 5 minute discussion before his plea hearing despite umpteen attemtps to speak with his solicitor in the 4 weeks leading up to his plea hearing! At this hearing and his subsequent sentencing which he received a 12 month suspended for 18 months sentence, tagged for 4 months, 10 years SHPO and SOR with no conditions other than inform the police is >12 hours with a child under 18, notify (but not restricted) if any foreign travel and allow access to the police to have his devices checked which is now annually. My advice following serious errors in our case is for both of you to come off all social media, we thought we had and unfortunately he had forgotten about a linked in account which provided a field day for the press, everything about his employment, address, photographs etc were on that account. Secondly make sure you challenge everything with his solicitor, check what experience they have in dealing with these type of offences as ours clearly didn't have a clue. Thirdly and I don't want to sound an alarmist but make sure you have video protection around your house, we were fortunate not to suffer any vigilante stuff but there are people on this site who have experienced vigilante behaviour. Surround yourself with supportive people and keep the potentially toxic/gossipy ones at arms length. Make an appointment with your GP for both of you, they should be non judgmental but can signpost you to services that provide counselling and support and if needed can prescribe medication to get you through this process. Contact LFF, they were brilliant in the early days for us. We have overcome the problem with our neighbours, we live in a small close but we just ignore them, we know there has been gossiping (we didn't get a single Christmas card the first year this happened), the press coverage was horrendous and I think it's the major thing most people on here dread. Obviously for us we lost friends and family but we are living our lives now in more harmony, its different but it's okay. I wanted to run to the other end of the country and change our names but my fabulous sister and brother in law who have both stood by us kept me grounded and helped me to believe the garbage would pass and the most important thing was for us to have some stability. So here we are 2 and a half years since the knock, I am still having counselling, on antidepressants following a diagnosis of PTSD but we are alive and together and nobody will come between us. I doubt I will ever get over the trauma but my husband has worked so hard to demonstrate he is not the monster he was made out to be. He is now helping probationers going through the same process as himself and hoping his experience will help others to get through their own trauma. There are so many levels to this journey, we had SS involvement as we have a 3 year old granddaughter who lives over 200 miles away but we still had to go through the safeguarding process as if she lived next door to us. Most important thing to remember is to look after yourself, hard as it is to focus try and keep active and distracted until you know what is happening. Make sure your husband is being open and honest with you only then can you survive this together.
Please keep us updated on your journey, everyone on this site knows what it is like to walk in your shoes so please keep in touch, there is lots of help and advice on the forum, you are not walking this journey alone. Please feel free to private message.
Take care and sending virtual hugs
Katie xxx
Im so sorry you are going through this but please believe me (though it's hard to see now) there is light after this phase of investigation. I too found myself in a very similar situation to your self, my husband of over 25 years was convicted of all categories/downloading/distributing etc however there are mitigating factors which sadly were never taken into account at his sentencing. My husband's case was high profile due to the nature of his previous employment and I was in the same situation as yourself suffering with acute anxiety and totally traumatised following the knock. The knock ? happened early 2021 and following x 1 police interview he was told by his solicitor he had nothing to worry about and the case would be dropped! Unfortunately the CPS thought differently and he was summoned to court in November 2021 whereby he had the most incompetent and amateur solicitor representing him who advised to plead guilty otherwise he would be facing a custodial sentence. He did as he was advised this was following a 5 minute discussion before his plea hearing despite umpteen attemtps to speak with his solicitor in the 4 weeks leading up to his plea hearing! At this hearing and his subsequent sentencing which he received a 12 month suspended for 18 months sentence, tagged for 4 months, 10 years SHPO and SOR with no conditions other than inform the police is >12 hours with a child under 18, notify (but not restricted) if any foreign travel and allow access to the police to have his devices checked which is now annually. My advice following serious errors in our case is for both of you to come off all social media, we thought we had and unfortunately he had forgotten about a linked in account which provided a field day for the press, everything about his employment, address, photographs etc were on that account. Secondly make sure you challenge everything with his solicitor, check what experience they have in dealing with these type of offences as ours clearly didn't have a clue. Thirdly and I don't want to sound an alarmist but make sure you have video protection around your house, we were fortunate not to suffer any vigilante stuff but there are people on this site who have experienced vigilante behaviour. Surround yourself with supportive people and keep the potentially toxic/gossipy ones at arms length. Make an appointment with your GP for both of you, they should be non judgmental but can signpost you to services that provide counselling and support and if needed can prescribe medication to get you through this process. Contact LFF, they were brilliant in the early days for us. We have overcome the problem with our neighbours, we live in a small close but we just ignore them, we know there has been gossiping (we didn't get a single Christmas card the first year this happened), the press coverage was horrendous and I think it's the major thing most people on here dread. Obviously for us we lost friends and family but we are living our lives now in more harmony, its different but it's okay. I wanted to run to the other end of the country and change our names but my fabulous sister and brother in law who have both stood by us kept me grounded and helped me to believe the garbage would pass and the most important thing was for us to have some stability. So here we are 2 and a half years since the knock, I am still having counselling, on antidepressants following a diagnosis of PTSD but we are alive and together and nobody will come between us. I doubt I will ever get over the trauma but my husband has worked so hard to demonstrate he is not the monster he was made out to be. He is now helping probationers going through the same process as himself and hoping his experience will help others to get through their own trauma. There are so many levels to this journey, we had SS involvement as we have a 3 year old granddaughter who lives over 200 miles away but we still had to go through the safeguarding process as if she lived next door to us. Most important thing to remember is to look after yourself, hard as it is to focus try and keep active and distracted until you know what is happening. Make sure your husband is being open and honest with you only then can you survive this together.
Please keep us updated on your journey, everyone on this site knows what it is like to walk in your shoes so please keep in touch, there is lots of help and advice on the forum, you are not walking this journey alone. Please feel free to private message.
Take care and sending virtual hugs
Katie xxx
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Over a hundred thousand CAT C and unclassified images?! Was he sent a load of files by someone that he was unawares of, and possibly didn't know were on his devices? This happened my OH, and we requested his defence team get a forensic computer analyst to interrogate the prosecution's evidence which they are doing now. There were over 1,500 CAT A-C and animal images, many that my OH was completely unaware of. He has admitted to some of the charges. I'm so sorry his initial solicitor was so incompetent, but your new solicitor should argue that to explain a possible change of plea.
Hi King,
There is still a chance of a good outcome and you must focus on this. With that amount of images it's likely he was sent files, as was my OH, but I don't know whether the judge wil take this into account or not.
This is the worst period that you're in, the waiting and the fear of the unknown. However you will get through it and you will feel joy again. Try and catch yourself before you go down the rabbit hole of "what if". Look for the good things in your life and concentrate on them. Remember that this is just a phase in your life and this too shall pass. Reach out for help when you need it. Strength isn't just about enduring in silence, it's knowing when to ask for help and seeking support when you need it.
I'm someone who's on the other side and thankfully everything worked out ok. Please feel free to message if I can be of any help xx
There is still a chance of a good outcome and you must focus on this. With that amount of images it's likely he was sent files, as was my OH, but I don't know whether the judge wil take this into account or not.
This is the worst period that you're in, the waiting and the fear of the unknown. However you will get through it and you will feel joy again. Try and catch yourself before you go down the rabbit hole of "what if". Look for the good things in your life and concentrate on them. Remember that this is just a phase in your life and this too shall pass. Reach out for help when you need it. Strength isn't just about enduring in silence, it's knowing when to ask for help and seeking support when you need it.
I'm someone who's on the other side and thankfully everything worked out ok. Please feel free to message if I can be of any help xx
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