Exes case dropped
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Hi everyone,
I'm not too sure where to post this but I need some advice. My ex has text me today saying he has had a call from the police stating his case has been filed due to insufficient evidence. I stopped contact between him and my child approximately 2 months ago. I've told him I will not take his word for it until I have heard from social services with my next steps.
I remember him asking them in the beginning if he was NFA would they stop being involved and they told him no as he has been accused still.
Does anyone happen to have had any experience with this?
Thankyou x
I'm not too sure where to post this but I need some advice. My ex has text me today saying he has had a call from the police stating his case has been filed due to insufficient evidence. I stopped contact between him and my child approximately 2 months ago. I've told him I will not take his word for it until I have heard from social services with my next steps.
I remember him asking them in the beginning if he was NFA would they stop being involved and they told him no as he has been accused still.
Does anyone happen to have had any experience with this?
Thankyou x
Don't have experience of the case being dropped unfortunately, however I would speak to you SW before you allow any contact.
I suppose SS should step down if no charges or evidence however my experience of dealing with the two authorities over the last 7 months is that they are both so disjointed. One authority will say yes and the other will have a mardy because they didnt get to make the decision! It is like dealing with toddlers.
my advice is go with what ss are saying or advising.
I suppose SS should step down if no charges or evidence however my experience of dealing with the two authorities over the last 7 months is that they are both so disjointed. One authority will say yes and the other will have a mardy because they didnt get to make the decision! It is like dealing with toddlers.
my advice is go with what ss are saying or advising.
I've been told that the police and SS have different ways of looking at things - with the police they need enough evidence to be certain that they are most likely to get a conviction, which often has nothing to do with whether the person actually committed the crime or not.
SS on the other hand use phrases like 'balance of probability" so are more likely to be much stricter in terms of child risk and harm.
It will probably depend on all the other info surrounding your exe's case, PurpleRain, and also the personal opinion of the SWs involved, your capability to protect etc. If you are unhappy about any contact then you must say that to the SW, and also they may well have discussed your ex already with the OIC so will have their own concerns. They may also suggest putting your children on a Children in Need plan which sounds awful but will be a way to ensure your family are kept safe with these new conditions. CIN is voluntary, by the way, and if you don't know already, the Family Rights Group have really thorough info about it on their excellent website. The purpose is to see what, if any, help is needed to keep your family together and safe. The only flaw in this is having a good or a useless SW so fingers crossed that you have a good'un!
SS on the other hand use phrases like 'balance of probability" so are more likely to be much stricter in terms of child risk and harm.
It will probably depend on all the other info surrounding your exe's case, PurpleRain, and also the personal opinion of the SWs involved, your capability to protect etc. If you are unhappy about any contact then you must say that to the SW, and also they may well have discussed your ex already with the OIC so will have their own concerns. They may also suggest putting your children on a Children in Need plan which sounds awful but will be a way to ensure your family are kept safe with these new conditions. CIN is voluntary, by the way, and if you don't know already, the Family Rights Group have really thorough info about it on their excellent website. The purpose is to see what, if any, help is needed to keep your family together and safe. The only flaw in this is having a good or a useless SW so fingers crossed that you have a good'un!
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Hi HelpMe,
I stopped contact because he is abusive towards me. I was the one to supervise contact but he couldn't put anybody suitable forwards to take over from me.
My child won't even know who he is and I think due to her age SS won't agree that he gets any form of contact but supervised and through me. He said he's asked them to assess him so he can see our child. He is very delusional so he'll think he's getting unsupervised from the get go. He said they were supposed to ring me today but low and behold they haven't!
I stopped contact because he is abusive towards me. I was the one to supervise contact but he couldn't put anybody suitable forwards to take over from me.
My child won't even know who he is and I think due to her age SS won't agree that he gets any form of contact but supervised and through me. He said he's asked them to assess him so he can see our child. He is very delusional so he'll think he's getting unsupervised from the get go. He said they were supposed to ring me today but low and behold they haven't!
Hi Rainyday32,
Thankyou for the info.
I wouldn't see the need for a CIN as we are not together nor does he have contact with our child. When SS ring I am just going to reiterate that I would rather contact remain stopped or that I will do whatever the bare minimum is x
Thankyou for the info.
I wouldn't see the need for a CIN as we are not together nor does he have contact with our child. When SS ring I am just going to reiterate that I would rather contact remain stopped or that I will do whatever the bare minimum is x
Hi PurpleRain,
It's up to you whether you allow contact or not - your ex approaching SS doesn't really mean anything as you can simply decline their services as it's Child in Need and refuse assessment. They can't really do anything as you are the primary carer. They might advise your ex goes to court.
If your ex goes to court (he'd have to pay for this) then the court would decide on contact based on an assessment by a social worker who might be from the local authority or might be from CAFCASS. If he's been abusive and you have evidence of this you would be eligible for free legal aid. If they decide he should have contact but there is no one to supervise they may decide it should be in a contact centre and typically he would have to pay for this.
It's up to you whether you allow contact or not - your ex approaching SS doesn't really mean anything as you can simply decline their services as it's Child in Need and refuse assessment. They can't really do anything as you are the primary carer. They might advise your ex goes to court.
If your ex goes to court (he'd have to pay for this) then the court would decide on contact based on an assessment by a social worker who might be from the local authority or might be from CAFCASS. If he's been abusive and you have evidence of this you would be eligible for free legal aid. If they decide he should have contact but there is no one to supervise they may decide it should be in a contact centre and typically he would have to pay for this.
Hi Inthemoment,
Thankyou for the response, that's really helpful. I would rather go to court and have it all ended there if I'm honest. I want to keep contact stopped for my child's sake, he was threatening with court in the first place and never did it. I've given him email updates when he's asked for them to keep him off my back but other than that he's had no contact for about 2 months and I'd like to keep it that way!
Thankyou for the response, that's really helpful. I would rather go to court and have it all ended there if I'm honest. I want to keep contact stopped for my child's sake, he was threatening with court in the first place and never did it. I've given him email updates when he's asked for them to keep him off my back but other than that he's had no contact for about 2 months and I'd like to keep it that way!
From what happened with my ex
Criminal charges are based on facts, so unless it can be fully proven, but of course there are different charges. ( if that makes sense)
But social services are different and on balance of probability. So basically on day one of the knock I was being advised by them the seriousness of the situation and regardless of the police outcome, contact would be supervised.
They never said what that looked like as they wanted reassurance that I was taking it serious. so there was a long discussion about logistics, and the circumstances.
It is hilarious as I got a letter from him, in those early days saying to meet in a park. Social services had agreed with my decision making that it could only be a contact centre but solicitors only care about money. The children are not their focus. And if people are stupid enough ti believe it, so be it. But if I had been scared by then, as it was full on intimidation ( start if things to come) I would have put my children in danger. Solicitors have no care, just of the bank balance and I am sure they have other clients who lie and are deceitful.
Social services will be the contact but they are unlikely to be in a hurry due to their case loads
Not sure if the police will tell anything as they couldn't in my situation.
Criminal charges are based on facts, so unless it can be fully proven, but of course there are different charges. ( if that makes sense)
But social services are different and on balance of probability. So basically on day one of the knock I was being advised by them the seriousness of the situation and regardless of the police outcome, contact would be supervised.
They never said what that looked like as they wanted reassurance that I was taking it serious. so there was a long discussion about logistics, and the circumstances.
It is hilarious as I got a letter from him, in those early days saying to meet in a park. Social services had agreed with my decision making that it could only be a contact centre but solicitors only care about money. The children are not their focus. And if people are stupid enough ti believe it, so be it. But if I had been scared by then, as it was full on intimidation ( start if things to come) I would have put my children in danger. Solicitors have no care, just of the bank balance and I am sure they have other clients who lie and are deceitful.
Social services will be the contact but they are unlikely to be in a hurry due to their case loads
Not sure if the police will tell anything as they couldn't in my situation.
Hi again - if it helps, our son still has parental responibility for his children officially but as they now live with their mother she has had to agree to any contact he has. and who supervises. So you will definitely have the upper hand in any decision.
For instance, we were going away so couldn't take our son to see the children and our daughter's husband said he'd go along instead, SW did a qiock DBS check on him and said 'that's fine' However our son's ex said no saying she hardly knew her brother-in-law (not true) but it had to stand.
For instance, we were going away so couldn't take our son to see the children and our daughter's husband said he'd go along instead, SW did a qiock DBS check on him and said 'that's fine' However our son's ex said no saying she hardly knew her brother-in-law (not true) but it had to stand.
Hi everyone,
Thankyou for your replies of advice and for being so lovely.
I had a call back from SS today and I have been able to stick to my guns and keep contact stopped, it is now a legal matter as they cannot help. However my ex still seems to be deluded in the situation and is emailing me telling me SS have told him that they have dropped everything but because I'm stopping contact he needs to go to court (lies). I've told him he would still need to be supervised as he was still charged (obviously now dropped as not enough evidence) but SS haven't told him this (he says)
So now I suppose it's in his hands to take me to court!
Thankyou for your replies of advice and for being so lovely.
I had a call back from SS today and I have been able to stick to my guns and keep contact stopped, it is now a legal matter as they cannot help. However my ex still seems to be deluded in the situation and is emailing me telling me SS have told him that they have dropped everything but because I'm stopping contact he needs to go to court (lies). I've told him he would still need to be supervised as he was still charged (obviously now dropped as not enough evidence) but SS haven't told him this (he says)
So now I suppose it's in his hands to take me to court!