Honestly do not know what to do anymore- bail extension (Again)
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Hi all,
So I'm at a loss for words today and I just can't take living like this anymore. Today my OH was supposed to go back to the police for his second interview, this was already after his bail had been extended in the past. I dropped him at the station and said what I thought could potentially be our last goodbye as I'm near certain he's going to be charged. Within minutes he calls me saying that the bail had been extended for yet another 3 months. I was absolutely furious, I've been waiting & dreading this day for weeks terrified of the outcome, but I just wanted closure and to know what to do with mine and my child's future with or without my OH. We had absolutely no notice of this, no letter, no phonecall, even the gentleman my husband spoke to was apologetic and said the decision was only made a couple of days ago.
I can't for the life of me understand why, every meeting we'd ever had with SS & the police (whenever the officer even made these meetings) said hey never had any updates, never showed any indication they'd need a further extention and now when I finally thought I'd have closure, I'm now back in limbo.
It doesn't help that because I have a newborn child, we cannot live together, but it's more than that as he's not even allowed in the same house as our child, so for him to have any contact it has to be out in the community. I've expressed several times to the SS that I wasn't happy about this as this was never brought up as a potiential outcome until the very day my child was discharged from hospital (we'd been led to believe that while yes we cannot live together, my OH could at least visit us then leave in the evening). We can't afford to go out every day, even to go to a cafe, or browse around shops, the fuel costs alone are crippling, yes we could go for walks but this weather hasn't helped & it's only going to get worse once summer is over.
I can't take not knowing what's going to happen anymore, I've had my OH completely break down in tears more times than once saying how he hasn't done this and doesn't understand why. I've lost count of the amount of times I've been in tears over the situation but have to put on a strong face for my child's sake. I've got professionals at all sides claiming that they support me when I don't feel supported at all, if I'm perfectly honest I feel blackmailed into leaving my OH because I have the fear that if I chose to stay, they'll threaten to take away my child. The thing is my OH whether guilty of his accusation or not has been an amazing father to our child, which has admittedly made things harder in chosing whether or not to stay when we finally have an answer. All I want to do is sell up, leave and never look back.
So I'm at a loss for words today and I just can't take living like this anymore. Today my OH was supposed to go back to the police for his second interview, this was already after his bail had been extended in the past. I dropped him at the station and said what I thought could potentially be our last goodbye as I'm near certain he's going to be charged. Within minutes he calls me saying that the bail had been extended for yet another 3 months. I was absolutely furious, I've been waiting & dreading this day for weeks terrified of the outcome, but I just wanted closure and to know what to do with mine and my child's future with or without my OH. We had absolutely no notice of this, no letter, no phonecall, even the gentleman my husband spoke to was apologetic and said the decision was only made a couple of days ago.
I can't for the life of me understand why, every meeting we'd ever had with SS & the police (whenever the officer even made these meetings) said hey never had any updates, never showed any indication they'd need a further extention and now when I finally thought I'd have closure, I'm now back in limbo.
It doesn't help that because I have a newborn child, we cannot live together, but it's more than that as he's not even allowed in the same house as our child, so for him to have any contact it has to be out in the community. I've expressed several times to the SS that I wasn't happy about this as this was never brought up as a potiential outcome until the very day my child was discharged from hospital (we'd been led to believe that while yes we cannot live together, my OH could at least visit us then leave in the evening). We can't afford to go out every day, even to go to a cafe, or browse around shops, the fuel costs alone are crippling, yes we could go for walks but this weather hasn't helped & it's only going to get worse once summer is over.
I can't take not knowing what's going to happen anymore, I've had my OH completely break down in tears more times than once saying how he hasn't done this and doesn't understand why. I've lost count of the amount of times I've been in tears over the situation but have to put on a strong face for my child's sake. I've got professionals at all sides claiming that they support me when I don't feel supported at all, if I'm perfectly honest I feel blackmailed into leaving my OH because I have the fear that if I chose to stay, they'll threaten to take away my child. The thing is my OH whether guilty of his accusation or not has been an amazing father to our child, which has admittedly made things harder in chosing whether or not to stay when we finally have an answer. All I want to do is sell up, leave and never look back.
I can understand how you're at the end of your tether. My circumstances are very different to yours, so I am not sure I have much advice. (Kids older, I'm allowed to supervise in the home)
Have you reached out to your Gp? I had PND with my first, and getting support with that was a huge help.
I completely relate to the frustration of NOTHING EVER HAPPENING and being kept in limbo by the investigation. Sorry that the police are putting you through this.
Hugs and support to you xx
Have you reached out to your Gp? I had PND with my first, and getting support with that was a huge help.
I completely relate to the frustration of NOTHING EVER HAPPENING and being kept in limbo by the investigation. Sorry that the police are putting you through this.
Hugs and support to you xx
Hi,
The only suggestions I have is do you have anyone who would supervise with you in the home? I had my in laws present at contact until summer last year so for the first eighteen months of our daughters life. Another idea is to speak to ss about what needs to change for you to supervise in the home and an agreeable timeframe to complete the work. Are you on a plan? Forgive me, my memory is shocking as soon as I hit reply. You're welcome to message me if you'd like any further information about how I approached things with ss.
I completely understand how you feel, seeing how amazing my person is with our daughter makes me so angry at times that I'm doing it alone. I also hear you on how exhausting it is getting a newborn ready for an outing every day, I feel robbed of lazy days snuggled on the sofa xxx
The only suggestions I have is do you have anyone who would supervise with you in the home? I had my in laws present at contact until summer last year so for the first eighteen months of our daughters life. Another idea is to speak to ss about what needs to change for you to supervise in the home and an agreeable timeframe to complete the work. Are you on a plan? Forgive me, my memory is shocking as soon as I hit reply. You're welcome to message me if you'd like any further information about how I approached things with ss.
I completely understand how you feel, seeing how amazing my person is with our daughter makes me so angry at times that I'm doing it alone. I also hear you on how exhausting it is getting a newborn ready for an outing every day, I feel robbed of lazy days snuggled on the sofa xxx
Thank you for the replies,
Unfortunately yes my child is on a protection program and has been since I was roughly around 15 weeks pregnant, so yeah had to deal with this near enough my entire pregnancy.
We're still trying to make sense of things as because we can't live together, I moved back in with my parents & I have argued this point that there would be 3 of us to supervise in the family home but SS wasn't budging and told us not to bother asking for anything else as other families don't even get what we have.
I'm hoping things will get better as we've been allocated a new SS worker and they look like they're actually going to attempt to make a plan that's more in line with bail conditions.
As I'm still in the early days (like still getting postnatal checkups and stuff) I've been advised even without suffering from depression to talk to a GP but personally I don't see the point, they can't help or change my situation all I wanted was an answer, a definite yes or no that my OH is 100% proven guilty or that in some miracle it may be a mistake so I can get on with my life and start fresh. So far this forum has been the best therapy for me as we at least know what the other has gone theough and the emotions felt rather than just hearing "it must be so difficult" or something like that.
It's hard because I've spent most of my life with my OH I do love him and want to believe his innocence especially because hes been such a supportive partner and father, but the seed of doubt has been planted. And all I want now is to just get this nightmare over with.
Thanks all x
Unfortunately yes my child is on a protection program and has been since I was roughly around 15 weeks pregnant, so yeah had to deal with this near enough my entire pregnancy.
We're still trying to make sense of things as because we can't live together, I moved back in with my parents & I have argued this point that there would be 3 of us to supervise in the family home but SS wasn't budging and told us not to bother asking for anything else as other families don't even get what we have.
I'm hoping things will get better as we've been allocated a new SS worker and they look like they're actually going to attempt to make a plan that's more in line with bail conditions.
As I'm still in the early days (like still getting postnatal checkups and stuff) I've been advised even without suffering from depression to talk to a GP but personally I don't see the point, they can't help or change my situation all I wanted was an answer, a definite yes or no that my OH is 100% proven guilty or that in some miracle it may be a mistake so I can get on with my life and start fresh. So far this forum has been the best therapy for me as we at least know what the other has gone theough and the emotions felt rather than just hearing "it must be so difficult" or something like that.
It's hard because I've spent most of my life with my OH I do love him and want to believe his innocence especially because hes been such a supportive partner and father, but the seed of doubt has been planted. And all I want now is to just get this nightmare over with.
Thanks all x
I obviously don't know your full circumstances hit that seems outrageously harsh. What do they think will happen with 3 of you supervising?
I would be asking to see the full risk assessment to be honest. It doesn't seem a proportionate response to the risk. I'm so sorry you're going through this!
I would be asking to see the full risk assessment to be honest. It doesn't seem a proportionate response to the risk. I'm so sorry you're going through this!