Therapy
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Hi, can anyone tell me what therapy their husbands / partners are getting. My husband has been released under investigation. He is going to do the inform plus course but what else can he do to prove that he wants to get on top of this addiction?
He was going to have sex therapy but as soon as he said he was under investigation they said they wouldn't be able to help him until after he had been charged. Has anyone else's husband been told this? Do you just think they didn't want to take the case?
Any help and ideas on how to move forward I would be greatful. Thank you xx
He was going to have sex therapy but as soon as he said he was under investigation they said they wouldn't be able to help him until after he had been charged. Has anyone else's husband been told this? Do you just think they didn't want to take the case?
Any help and ideas on how to move forward I would be greatful. Thank you xx
Hi
dont know why you have been told no therapy at this stage. My partner immediately went to see someone who did a comprehensive risk assessment - tho always knowntheat he could be lying so they put that in their report. We have also done session together and he has done a couple more. It isn’t cheap though x
dont know why you have been told no therapy at this stage. My partner immediately went to see someone who did a comprehensive risk assessment - tho always knowntheat he could be lying so they put that in their report. We have also done session together and he has done a couple more. It isn’t cheap though x
My husband booked an appointment with a therapist but was advised not to go by solicitor as he can not talk openly which he needs to do because they case if still open. It's a joke really he needs to help but cant do anything coz it's an ongoing case which we are coming up to a yr now. If we had know this from the beginning we would if booked the inform course but didnt want to pay all that money to not complete it. I just dobt understand how they are suppose to show they want to sort this out when they can not access anything xx
Hi Big Sigh,
None of this is cheap I know. The inform plus course is £780 and he is trying to save up for solicitor as well. On top of that he is paying rent for a room coz it isn't possible at the moment for him to live at home. I'm hoping that with him not living here if it goes in the media it will state he lives elsewhere.
Solicitors have quoted between £5,000 and £8,000. Not sure how we will find this money. I am not wanting to pay a penny towards it just because if he goes into prison I don't know how I am going to manage financially.
So do you think we should look for another sex therapist? Is it ok for them to be open and honest if being investigated? So confused about this all. Xx
None of this is cheap I know. The inform plus course is £780 and he is trying to save up for solicitor as well. On top of that he is paying rent for a room coz it isn't possible at the moment for him to live at home. I'm hoping that with him not living here if it goes in the media it will state he lives elsewhere.
Solicitors have quoted between £5,000 and £8,000. Not sure how we will find this money. I am not wanting to pay a penny towards it just because if he goes into prison I don't know how I am going to manage financially.
So do you think we should look for another sex therapist? Is it ok for them to be open and honest if being investigated? So confused about this all. Xx
Hi lee1969
I noticed your story on one of the threads is so very similar to mine, it could have been me writing it.
Really struggling to find a sex therapist in our area and one that will take him while under investigation. There is no much to try and sort, sometimes it's overwhelming. Xx
I noticed your story on one of the threads is so very similar to mine, it could have been me writing it.
Really struggling to find a sex therapist in our area and one that will take him while under investigation. There is no much to try and sort, sometimes it's overwhelming. Xx
Hi Stardust,
It was the actual therapist that said she couldn't do any therapy with him until he had been charged. It's a little confusing how some seem to get therapy and others are told they can't yet. Like you I really want him to show he is serious about getting his addiction under control. He is going to do the inform course, but really want therapy and some kind of therapy we can both go to together as well. Xx
It was the actual therapist that said she couldn't do any therapy with him until he had been charged. It's a little confusing how some seem to get therapy and others are told they can't yet. Like you I really want him to show he is serious about getting his addiction under control. He is going to do the inform course, but really want therapy and some kind of therapy we can both go to together as well. Xx
Lee1969
What does SLLA stand for? Forgot to ask. Xx
What does SLLA stand for? Forgot to ask. Xx
Lee1969
Thank you so much. I will look at the videos and I am reading a couple of books at the mo. One is sex addiction : the partners perspective and the porn trap. My husband has got the books the Lucy Faithful Foundation suggested.
Is it a sex therapist your husband is having 121 with, or some other therapist?
Has your husband been able to be completely honest with the therapist if still under investigation? Xx
Thank you so much. I will look at the videos and I am reading a couple of books at the mo. One is sex addiction : the partners perspective and the porn trap. My husband has got the books the Lucy Faithful Foundation suggested.
Is it a sex therapist your husband is having 121 with, or some other therapist?
Has your husband been able to be completely honest with the therapist if still under investigation? Xx
Hi Dottie
yes my partner has been seeing a therapist as well, 1 2 1 every week for a year now, ever since he was arrested. He also goes to a local hospital once a week for a group therapy session. He has only missed one of the sessions when our son broke his arm at school!
I think he is really benefitting from the therapy.
I don’t really understand why they would say not to, if it is beneficial to his mental health.
I guess it is a bit of a tricky situation you are in if you’ve been told not to, can you go back to them and ask again?
It’s funny, I too, like you & Lee, am 50, who would expect this to happen at any time in our lives but in your 50’s when you start looking forward to our golden years!
Mabel x
yes my partner has been seeing a therapist as well, 1 2 1 every week for a year now, ever since he was arrested. He also goes to a local hospital once a week for a group therapy session. He has only missed one of the sessions when our son broke his arm at school!
I think he is really benefitting from the therapy.
I don’t really understand why they would say not to, if it is beneficial to his mental health.
I guess it is a bit of a tricky situation you are in if you’ve been told not to, can you go back to them and ask again?
It’s funny, I too, like you & Lee, am 50, who would expect this to happen at any time in our lives but in your 50’s when you start looking forward to our golden years!
Mabel x
Thank you ladies, having a really tearful afternoon. Having been through one divorce and the death of both my parents I am a dab hand at hiding my emotions until bedtime. Today though I am working from home and nobody else in, my emotions decided to get the better of me.
I feel so hard done by having reached 50 and then this happen. Feeling sorry for myself. I just keep thinking am I trying to hold onto him just because I don't want to be lonely in my old age. Also have to find a second job because I won't be able to afford the mortgage.
I would so love to meet up with others going through this, just to have somebody to talk to that understands would be amazing.
I will get him to try for another therapist I think. So I presume he will have to tell them upfront that he is under investigation at the moment? And do you think a general therapist rather than a sex therapist?
Sorry so many questions, my head just keeps spinning. I can't seem to focus. I even get through half a sentence and forget what I'm talking about. Bloody menopause doesn't help with that either.
Thank you lovely ladies for being there. Sending love your way. Xx
I feel so hard done by having reached 50 and then this happen. Feeling sorry for myself. I just keep thinking am I trying to hold onto him just because I don't want to be lonely in my old age. Also have to find a second job because I won't be able to afford the mortgage.
I would so love to meet up with others going through this, just to have somebody to talk to that understands would be amazing.
I will get him to try for another therapist I think. So I presume he will have to tell them upfront that he is under investigation at the moment? And do you think a general therapist rather than a sex therapist?
Sorry so many questions, my head just keeps spinning. I can't seem to focus. I even get through half a sentence and forget what I'm talking about. Bloody menopause doesn't help with that either.
Thank you lovely ladies for being there. Sending love your way. Xx
Dottie
jyst wanted to also send some love and care. I often get tearful at nighttime or doing mundane things such as food shopping.
there is no rush to make any decisions, look after yourself first. It’s hard we never deserved this. We were all let down badly by those we truly trusted.on the forum there is no right or wrong decision about leaving or staying. Though it seems for many their men engaging in therapy means that they can start to rebuild the trauma they went through and the pain they caused you.
its very anxiety provoking. I had my knock at Christmas time. So half way through the year and still have the police investigation and court to go. But I am slowly getting over the shock of the situation and sleeping better.
what helped me was a supportive gp some time off work and this forum. I did call the helpline but I have to say the forum for me helped more. You all get the intricacies of this situation.
So as the others have said one step at a time. You didn’t deserve this to happen at all but you will survive because we have to survive. Anytime you need a vent come on here. Someone will respond and listen.
genuinely you can’t predicted the future. It’s too early to make a decision about the relationship yet. So breathe and take your time. Xxx
jyst wanted to also send some love and care. I often get tearful at nighttime or doing mundane things such as food shopping.
there is no rush to make any decisions, look after yourself first. It’s hard we never deserved this. We were all let down badly by those we truly trusted.on the forum there is no right or wrong decision about leaving or staying. Though it seems for many their men engaging in therapy means that they can start to rebuild the trauma they went through and the pain they caused you.
its very anxiety provoking. I had my knock at Christmas time. So half way through the year and still have the police investigation and court to go. But I am slowly getting over the shock of the situation and sleeping better.
what helped me was a supportive gp some time off work and this forum. I did call the helpline but I have to say the forum for me helped more. You all get the intricacies of this situation.
So as the others have said one step at a time. You didn’t deserve this to happen at all but you will survive because we have to survive. Anytime you need a vent come on here. Someone will respond and listen.
genuinely you can’t predicted the future. It’s too early to make a decision about the relationship yet. So breathe and take your time. Xxx
Bethlou23 thank you. I can already see how this forum can help. We all understand each other and all going through the same pain and scary experience. I hope I will be able to give comfort to others as I wade through this nightmare. Xx
So I have managed to sort therapy out for my husband through StopSo which is connected to Stop it Now. Rang the helpline and was able to explain we were having difficulty finding someone whilst he was still under investigation. So very quick service from Stopso with a therapist sorted in less than 24 hrs.
Just thought I would put this info on here in case somebody else was having same issues.
Just thought I would put this info on here in case somebody else was having same issues.
We did get a therapist through stop so also. But because the case is still open and ongoing the solicitor advised not to as its not fully confidential and all can be used in court. I asked the ds if I could seek council but was also told I can not talk about the case because it is ongoing xx
Stardust that is interesting. God where do you get the help if you can't use a therapist and say what you need to in order to help yourself understand the reasons why etc. One solicitor said it's good to have a report from a therapist to show you are doing all you can to sort the issue so how are you supposed to get that if you are under investigation?
Anyone have any ideas and experiences with this?
Anyone have any ideas and experiences with this?
Good afternoon all,
We are really pleased to hear that you have been able to
source some support and that StopSO were able to do this as quickly as they
have. We would just like to clarify that StopSO and the Stop It Now! helpline
are two independent organisations and that we are not affiliated, however we
may signpost you to them on the helpline as an additional source of support if
that is appropriate.
The Stop It Now! helpline is part of the child protection
charity, The Lucy Faithfull Foundation. As well as the helpline we do have an
array of other services, such as an appointment call-back line, support in
using our online services and appointments with psychology or practitioner
staff – usually face to face, however skype can be arranged if necessary anyway
across the UK. This includes during the time someone is under investigation,
following any court process, or at any stage where there are concerns.
To discuss any of this further, including discussion about
suitability for any of our services, please do contact us on the Stop It Now!
helpline where our trained operators will be happy to provide further support
and advice.
Thanks,
Lucy
We are really pleased to hear that you have been able to
source some support and that StopSO were able to do this as quickly as they
have. We would just like to clarify that StopSO and the Stop It Now! helpline
are two independent organisations and that we are not affiliated, however we
may signpost you to them on the helpline as an additional source of support if
that is appropriate.
The Stop It Now! helpline is part of the child protection
charity, The Lucy Faithfull Foundation. As well as the helpline we do have an
array of other services, such as an appointment call-back line, support in
using our online services and appointments with psychology or practitioner
staff – usually face to face, however skype can be arranged if necessary anyway
across the UK. This includes during the time someone is under investigation,
following any court process, or at any stage where there are concerns.
To discuss any of this further, including discussion about
suitability for any of our services, please do contact us on the Stop It Now!
helpline where our trained operators will be happy to provide further support
and advice.
Thanks,
Lucy