Family and Friends Forum

Not been here in a while, I've been trying to forget.

Short story knock for 18yr old son Oct 21 no arrest just voluntary interview April 22. Less than 100 items Cat A-C no search history, no contact made, clicked a link on a telegram chat took him to a site which he was on for a few mins before he realised what it was (never clicked the link again) he found the images in his college folder a few weeks later and deleted them. He was honest and upfront with police that device out of 5 was kept the rest returned. Then court date last year to which he pleaded guilty on solicitors advice as he knew they had been there. A year down and sentencing is just around the corner.

My mental health is unreal, I finally broke and confided in my GP this week and she gave me a number to call and anti depressants. I know why I'm suffering and there is nothing I can do about it. I could lose my job I work in a school and whilst they can't just sack me because of this. If enough parents complain (when it hits the media) the board of governors can decide to terminate my employment. I have suffered with hair loss (stress induced alopecia) constantly covered in hives due to stress, PTSD, nightmares along with a newly diagnosed teen with ADHD and ODD another teen with a heart defect.

I have asked for sentencing to be a closed court to which I have been told they do not have a duty of care to my younger children and unless there is a risk of suicide then it would not be considered.



I have just found out another lad from the same college had the exact same happen to him, he is not being prosecuted as only 17 at the time..

How is it fair that families lives have to be ruined at the same time, I was meant to start teacher training last year and that has had to go on hold because my son is on the SOR. I have stopped seeing friends, having people around, my younger sons can't have friends round either. The fear I live in of it being reported in the news, where I live proven or not people go after "nonces" make their lives hell, destroy property and I feel like a sitting duck.



I know I sound selfish and its all about me but life for the family is forgotten and ignored by the police and courts. My son is suffering for a stupid mistake and we're suffering because they say we have to and I'm tired of it now.

Smile through the tears, it's heart breaking knowing he never done any of it on purpose yet is still being treated like an offender. He has done the courses on her and Lucy Faithfull all the while, not being interested in iioc. But just to show the court and probation he is trying to learn.

Polly Pocket, My employer has been really good they had to be notified Lado gave me the option to tell them myself or they would. The headteacher, lead safeguarding and HR know and they have been amazing and looked into this as much as they could but said effectively it's in the publics hands and not theirs. Complaints will then lead to an investigation by the governing body which can see me dismissed.

As far as my training goes it has been put on hold because my DBS shows I'm living with a sex offender (my current employer is okay with this but other schools may not be, which means placements will be hard to find).



It's the fear of repercussions on my other 2 sons that has me in such a state, its not fair on them and at 17 and 14. How there can be no duty of care to protect them scares me.

Polly Pocket, yeah I'm part of a union. Thing is I get where they are coming from, parents will have every right to complain because I know what will be reported will only be the worst. I know my boss will do his best but effectively it could end up out of his hands.

Kt, thank you. So many young men who are no more than boys really being treated like this. The police said it was a drop in the ocean and nothing compared to most of their cases, they even said they didn't think it would make it to court. But Magistrates last year and crown this year because there was Cat A. Im praying it will all be over in 2 weeks and no media coverage.



Take care, I hope your not left waiting too much longer.

Thank you Daffodil, I am letting this hold me back, I cant be confident with progressing my career. I need to know how long he will be on the SOR before I go further. He has already been on it 1 year and if its 5 years total, I can pick up training again at year 3. I don't want to have to explain to others about our situation id rather put everything on hold and hide away from it all.



I'm glad your out the other side, how did it affect your family when it hit the media?

We now have his pre sentencing report. It sounds awful. Starts with, upon search of devices person in question has no search history, no chat, has not asked or discussed images obtain from a link on Telegram that a friend had "added" him to. Links found were not detailed as to what they contained. After talking to person they have stated they are not interested sexually in children and said they clicked the link thinking it would either be something to do with gaming or legal porn (it wasnt the first time he clicked a random link or the last, just stupidity) person says due to curiosity they opened the link, person was unaware it had made a copy on device when first accessed. They then state that it was in his college storage on his mobile and say that it is strange he would be using his own device rather than college issued ipad (he used his phone because half the time the ipad wasn't charged or left at home).

They say due to his denial of being interested in children he is a risk but has shown remorse and disgust for the images found and knows the impact to said children and on hindsight he should of reported it to the police rather than ignore and stay in the group. Person states he stayed in the group with more that 300 members because most of the time it was good for gaming cheats, thus leading us to believe he is sexually attracted to children and will benefit from rehabilitation. They recommend a 24 month custodial suspended in favour for a community order, rehabilitation, unpaid work, SOR and SHPO.

Charges have changed again from possession and making, now adding distribution (I'm arguing that as never before been stated by police or at plea hearing) and they have doubled the amount of content.

I'm so angry right now, you can't trust the police or CPS from the knock to now we have gone from distribution of boys and 1000s of images to less that 100 of girls age range 13-15 to now double the figure at plea hearing and girls aged between 4 and 15. WTF how can it change since then, I'm going to go thru it all weekend and get it straight in my head and contact solicitors on Monday.



Sorry I'm ranting, any advice welcome

Could it get any worse, I've been emailing solicitor about the PSR we got Friday and he's been on holiday until today, and in court all day he hasn't even looked at any of my emails. It's Tomorrow and we can't even talk to him, how are we supposed to get prepared if he is unavailable like WTF. I don't even know what time we need to be there.



I'm going out of my mind now