Feeling bewildered
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My dad was recently convicted of possession of indecent images and received a 18 month suspended sentence. I feel very overwhelmed by it all. I am struggling to grapple with how he could do such a thing - made worse by the fact that my line of work means I see the consequences of children who have been abused in this way and my dad still doesn't seem to fully appreciate the impact of what he has done. He says sorry but then me and my siblings just uncover further lies. Things are made harder by the fact my partner, understandably, wants absolutely nothing to do pwith my dad but to the point that he has said if we were to get married he would not want my dad there. The worst thing is I am inclined to agree but I am most fearful of the funny looks and questions about why my dad isn't there. I have a constant fear that people have seen the news article that was in our local paper and its horrible to not know whether people know or not! Work have thankfully been very supportive and in fact I think I have spoken to one of my colleagues and friends about it all more than anyone. However I now get the sense that now the courts side of it is finished that everyone thinks I am now alright and it's all over with but I feel like this will never be over and I will always be looking over my shoulder.
I intend to call the helpline and speak to someone - does anyone know whether you can do a course or receive some help to fit around a Monday to Friday 9-5 job?
It would be good to hear from anyone who is in the same situation as me.
My dad was recently convicted of possession of indecent images and received a 18 month suspended sentence. I feel very overwhelmed by it all. I am struggling to grapple with how he could do such a thing - made worse by the fact that my line of work means I see the consequences of children who have been abused in this way and my dad still doesn't seem to fully appreciate the impact of what he has done. He says sorry but then me and my siblings just uncover further lies. Things are made harder by the fact my partner, understandably, wants absolutely nothing to do pwith my dad but to the point that he has said if we were to get married he would not want my dad there. The worst thing is I am inclined to agree but I am most fearful of the funny looks and questions about why my dad isn't there. I have a constant fear that people have seen the news article that was in our local paper and its horrible to not know whether people know or not! Work have thankfully been very supportive and in fact I think I have spoken to one of my colleagues and friends about it all more than anyone. However I now get the sense that now the courts side of it is finished that everyone thinks I am now alright and it's all over with but I feel like this will never be over and I will always be looking over my shoulder.
I intend to call the helpline and speak to someone - does anyone know whether you can do a course or receive some help to fit around a Monday to Friday 9-5 job?
It would be good to hear from anyone who is in the same situation as me.
Hi Ellie,
My own grown up daughter has been hugely affected by the police raid and discovery that my long term partner has been arrested for the same thing. And he’s not her dad, so I can’t imagine how you are feeling. I am so sorry. You will get a lot of help and support from the helpline on Monday, and I’m sure from others on this forum. You have a lot to work through and process, and it is important to have someone close to confide in about this. My own daughter is starting therapy soon.
If the problem of an absent dad presents itself at your wedding in the future you will by then have figured out what to say to people. I discovered when I had to cancel my wedding after the arrest that once I told friends it was something I didn’t want to talk about, they respected my privacy. Quite what they thought I don’t know! But they are still my friends and it hasnt been referred to since.
Keep in touch
x
My own grown up daughter has been hugely affected by the police raid and discovery that my long term partner has been arrested for the same thing. And he’s not her dad, so I can’t imagine how you are feeling. I am so sorry. You will get a lot of help and support from the helpline on Monday, and I’m sure from others on this forum. You have a lot to work through and process, and it is important to have someone close to confide in about this. My own daughter is starting therapy soon.
If the problem of an absent dad presents itself at your wedding in the future you will by then have figured out what to say to people. I discovered when I had to cancel my wedding after the arrest that once I told friends it was something I didn’t want to talk about, they respected my privacy. Quite what they thought I don’t know! But they are still my friends and it hasnt been referred to since.
Keep in touch
x
Hi Paula
Thanks for your reply... Its nice to know that I am not alone in my feelings. The therapy that your daughter will have is that through Lucy faithful/stop it now? I have been wondering whether to speak to my GP but I don't think medical professionals are who I need right now - I am not clinically depressed but just need somebody neutral to talk to who will truly listen. Whilst my partner has been great he doesn't understand how I can still hold any compassion for my dad despite me asking him to put himself in my shoes and imagine it's his dad but of course the response is always just well my dad wouldn't do that! I never thought my dad would either but apparently these things happen! Its so hard because I personally do think my dad should have gone to prison and that maybe he got off too lightly and because of that I am not sure he has grasped the enormity of what he has done but at the same time he is still my dad. It is made all the harder by the fact that I was bought up by my dad when my parents separated when I was age 7 so for the man I know to be a brilliant father to betray us like that is just crushing.
Thanks for your reply... Its nice to know that I am not alone in my feelings. The therapy that your daughter will have is that through Lucy faithful/stop it now? I have been wondering whether to speak to my GP but I don't think medical professionals are who I need right now - I am not clinically depressed but just need somebody neutral to talk to who will truly listen. Whilst my partner has been great he doesn't understand how I can still hold any compassion for my dad despite me asking him to put himself in my shoes and imagine it's his dad but of course the response is always just well my dad wouldn't do that! I never thought my dad would either but apparently these things happen! Its so hard because I personally do think my dad should have gone to prison and that maybe he got off too lightly and because of that I am not sure he has grasped the enormity of what he has done but at the same time he is still my dad. It is made all the harder by the fact that I was bought up by my dad when my parents separated when I was age 7 so for the man I know to be a brilliant father to betray us like that is just crushing.
Hi Ellie
My daughter has applied for counselling through the NHS (ie a visit to her GP) but it can take months. So she is paying to go to a therapist. I’m sure you will get much more expert support and help from the helpline tomorrow. You are not alone.
x
My daughter has applied for counselling through the NHS (ie a visit to her GP) but it can take months. So she is paying to go to a therapist. I’m sure you will get much more expert support and help from the helpline tomorrow. You are not alone.
x
Hi Ellie,
Thanks for your post and I hope you have been able to get through to our Helpline in the last couple of days. Your partner is also welcome to call the Helpline should he wish to do so.
I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. As you will see from the other posts on this forum, it is very common for people to have mixed and conflicting feelings about their family member's online behaviour. It is therefore important that people find a safe way of talking things through, and processing their feelings, to help the dust settle, and we hope this forum can play its part in that regard.
In response to your question we run our Inform programme at various venues across the UK. The groups are usually run in the evenings e.g. 6.15 - 8.30pm, and they are designed for all adult family members. You can find more information about the programme here: https://www.lucyfaithfull.org.uk/inform.htm Please call the Helpline, if you have not done so already, if you want to take this forward.
In the meantime, best wishes to you and I hope you find this forum helpful. Thanks for posting.
Thanks for your post and I hope you have been able to get through to our Helpline in the last couple of days. Your partner is also welcome to call the Helpline should he wish to do so.
I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. As you will see from the other posts on this forum, it is very common for people to have mixed and conflicting feelings about their family member's online behaviour. It is therefore important that people find a safe way of talking things through, and processing their feelings, to help the dust settle, and we hope this forum can play its part in that regard.
In response to your question we run our Inform programme at various venues across the UK. The groups are usually run in the evenings e.g. 6.15 - 8.30pm, and they are designed for all adult family members. You can find more information about the programme here: https://www.lucyfaithfull.org.uk/inform.htm Please call the Helpline, if you have not done so already, if you want to take this forward.
In the meantime, best wishes to you and I hope you find this forum helpful. Thanks for posting.