Family and Friends Forum

I’ve been reading a lot of the post and it’s helped me pluck up the courage to speak out.



My boyfriend of almost 5 years received the ‘knock’ in April of this year. He was taken to the police station as well as items taken from his house, where he admitted everything and gave full access to his phone and everything else. I was completely unaware of this as we don’t live together so after he was released a few hours after on bail he then came to tell me half the truth. At first he told me he had been trading pictures of women back and too with other men for 2 weeks in December and that some of the images were ‘suspected indecent’. I knew instantly he was lying as he has never been very good at lying to my face however I was in too much shock to push for more answers as he also told me he had lost his job also. 7 days later he confessed everything to me as he knew I already didn’t believe him, he has had a porn addictive from a very young age but after an horrible 3 years we have both had he slipped into depression and used porn more as a way of coping (this I was aware of.. the the extent of the use i didn’t know but I knew he watched it) however due to working unsociable hours and not having any friends he starting getting into trading porn images with other men back in June last year as a way to interact with people. It was in November he received the first indecent image and from that point continued to trade regardless of ages as in his words ‘he was a passenger in his own body and didn’t know how to stop’ I believe him when he says he’s not attracted to those images and that he just completely lost control. He said it totalled up to roughly 800 of both women and indecent images but he doesn’t know how many are indecent however there would be all 3 categories which scares me.



I have chosen to stay with him because I love him but I keep being reminded by his family that I do have a choice to leave and that hurts. I feel like they want me to leave him and I don’t know if it’s for my benefit or for theirs. I have done nothing but support him and we have gone through some awful things together and tried to get through them.



I know he has not done this because he got any sexual satisfaction from the images and he would never hurt a child physically. I just can’t get over the fact of him seeing them and not reporting them! He knew it was really wrong! And I want to say it’s all because he’s had a complete mental breakdown.



He has been trying to get help which shows me he is committed to never offending again but after losing his job he managed to get a new one pretty quickly but the hours make it hard for him to arrange meetings for the inform course and he’s been struggle to get a drs appointment for his depression. I’m really worried that with being 4 months into this horrendous situation when the time comes for him to be charged he won’t have enough to show the judge that he will never do this again! It’s okay showing me as I see him daily and know that this isn’t him but how do you show a judge who doesn’t know him at all.



Sorry for ranting on but as a 23 year old I’m completely lost. We’ve never had to deal with the police or court and we’ve never really spoke about our mental health and I just wondered if anyone had a similar experience and could help a young woman who’s petrified about the future and everything that comes with it.



Thank you <3

Thank you so much, I just needed a place to talk to people who are going through similar things, I’ve never felt so alone before. We are trying to get him sorted with 121 sessions because I know that’s really going to help him and he’s rang the foundation a few times, they first suggested us reading a book to better understand his addiction and then that would move onto him booking into the course but with work he’s worried about booking time off especially with it being a new job. I think paying for a private 121 session might be a starting point aswell as getting him the the drs! Thank you for taking the time to comment it means the world to me xxx

It did make sense thank you :), ohh I’ll have a look at them tonight with him thank you so much! That’s exactly how I felt and I couldn’t understand because he is a lovely man and treats me well I never exepected it to escalate to this but I just didn’t feel enough for him especially when this all came out because I was trying to be there for him emotionally through his depression but he didn’t know how to talk! so they will really help I’ll definitely google them tonight thank you :) and the book really did help! The one we were recommended was the porn trap and it had exercises for him to do which he’s took the time to do and it suggested taking them to his 121 sessions, he also let me read what he had written which has helped massively with us both opening up about all of this! Xxx

Thank you Tracey,

I know I didn’t know how many partners and families actually go through this until it happened it’s honestly shocked me! I’m lucky enough to have a very supportive family who have been helping me massively with my own mental health and are aware of what’s happened but I’m looking to get my own therapist as well, I haven’t been brave enough to ring any of the help lines yet but I think with the help of everyone on here that will be the next step, thank you <3 xxx

We sat and watched them last night they were amazing and so helpful! Not going to lie I cried through all of them it’s hard hearing people describe the situation we were In to a t! I can’t understand why this is all so taboo when there are so many people experiencing this! They really were amazing at explaining it abit better to me thank you for suggesting them, I think I’m going to share them with our families too because more people need to see it!

Haha horses are good company to have I love them! I hope you’re enjoying your time to yourself and enjoying the fresh air! It is so true that we need to look after ourselves too, I think it’s been a blessing that we dont live together so I have time to myself when I come home however a couple of days away might do the world of good! I feel like I keep saying thank you but it’s been hard not being able to talk to people who understand so thank you so much lovelies! Xxx