Family and Friends Forum

I'm away from home visiting family and friends and getting some space from my (now ex) OH. After hearing the barrister read out part of the transcript between my OH and the undercover police officer he thought was actually the father of a 7 year old girl, I told him I couldn't be with him anymore. I felt physically sick. He's still living at our house. He has no spare money and nowhere else to live. Everyone is telling me to kick him out, and to do it before his trial in case the press get wind of it. I feel I need time to get my head round him going and deal with the logistics of him going.

How have other people dealt with their OH leaving, both emotionally and logistically?

I feel so fragile and hypersensitive. Many people are saying I should leave the area entirely and start a new life which I'm considering. I'm taking time off work anyway, so I'm not tied to a job, and I have no kids, but I also resent having to leave (and I don't know where in the UK I want to go) my life and friends behind because someone else did something horrible.

I've been chatting to his Dad on WhatsApp, and he's offered to help him financially so he can get a flat or bedsit somewhere. I felt a huge sense of relief reading that. I don't want him living under the same roof with me when he goes to court or if and when it hits the media.

Now I'm hearing from my friends who I used to work with, and who he still works with, that he's been saying really horrible things about me to anyone he can corner to try to win them over. He's even telling my dear female friends about our sex life ( or probably lack of it. I wonder why?!) and how miserable I've been. These friends know the truth about what he's done, but a lot of my colleagues aren't aware of what he's been arrested for or why I've broken up with him and told him to move out.

I can't believe he could be so nasty when I've done so much for him. He had an amazing life with me which he threw away. I'm starting to tell people who I trust the horrible story, my year and a half nightmare. Thankfully everyone has been hugely supportive.

He comes home from work, and we have a couple of awkward hours on the sofa watching TV, he chats about work, we scroll on our tablets. There's a massive stinking elephant in the room he's choosing to ignore.

Update! He's found himself a flat in the same town as his Dad and is moving out in a week and a half. I feel a great weight off my shoulders, only to be replaced by another burden of shouldering all the financial responsibilities of the house. Thankfully I have enough money to keep the roof over my head for now, but will have to consider moving at some point.

I feel so bittersweet about this situation. He's definitely wronged me in a big way, but he's still the shy, insecure, humorous man I loved once. He's not a complete monster. He made some very bad choices over the span of a few days. I told him I'd support him emotionally as he only has me and his Dad to turn too. I'll attend court hearings so he doesn't have to sit alone waiting in the courthouse.

If anything, I pity him. He sees me and our friends taking part in our hobbies he's now banned from. He knows I just booked my plane tickets to the destination we were both supposed to be going to, which he'll never be able to visit because of what he's done. Life is going to pass him by in so many ways ....

Feeling lots of mixed emotions now that he's leaving. I feel very protective of him because of his tragic past and how scarred he is from it still. My emotions are all over the place. I will continue to support him emotionally, go to court with him and keep our friendship going like it was before we were together.

I've never really lived on my own, so that will be strange, especially at night, but I feel it will be a lot less awkward than the situation we're in now with him in the spare room.

I am grieving for the relationship we would have had if he hadn't stepped over the line. Grieving for all the little things that made our relationship unique there are no more. Grieving for the adventures we had, the life we had which was cut short because of a few days of very bad choices.