Family and Friends Forum

Everyone keeps telling me to kick him out.

Notifications OFF

JulieM

Member since
July 2023

76 posts

Posted Wed August 2, 2023 10:53pmReport post

I'm away from home visiting family and friends and getting some space from my (now ex) OH. After hearing the barrister read out part of the transcript between my OH and the undercover police officer he thought was actually the father of a 7 year old girl, I told him I couldn't be with him anymore. I felt physically sick. He's still living at our house. He has no spare money and nowhere else to live. Everyone is telling me to kick him out, and to do it before his trial in case the press get wind of it. I feel I need time to get my head round him going and deal with the logistics of him going.

How have other people dealt with their OH leaving, both emotionally and logistically?

I feel so fragile and hypersensitive. Many people are saying I should leave the area entirely and start a new life which I'm considering. I'm taking time off work anyway, so I'm not tied to a job, and I have no kids, but I also resent having to leave (and I don't know where in the UK I want to go) my life and friends behind because someone else did something horrible.

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2579 posts

Posted Thu August 3, 2023 4:23amReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Sat August 5, 2023 11:05pm

Distressed and pregnant

Member since
November 2020

1027 posts

Posted Thu August 3, 2023 7:45amReport post

Hi,

I'm so sorry that you're in this situation. I read something on here recently that has stuck with me along the lines of telling those closest to you that you don't have the space in your head for their thoughts on the matter.

You will get some clarity on what you want, give yourself some space and time. You deserve the best fresh start for you and not something you make a rushed decision on to end up unhappy xxx

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2579 posts

Posted Fri August 4, 2023 4:04amReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Sat August 5, 2023 11:06pm

Parkerpoo1

Member since
July 2022

252 posts

Posted Fri August 4, 2023 8:10pmReport post

Post deleted


Edited Thu December 21, 2023 10:08am

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2579 posts

Posted Sat August 5, 2023 7:58amReport post

How totally wrong to print this - how dare they, your relationship is personal, how I hate the media......

JulieM

Member since
July 2023

76 posts

Posted Sat August 5, 2023 12:07pmReport post

I've been chatting to his Dad on WhatsApp, and he's offered to help him financially so he can get a flat or bedsit somewhere. I felt a huge sense of relief reading that. I don't want him living under the same roof with me when he goes to court or if and when it hits the media.

JulieM

Member since
July 2023

76 posts

Posted Fri August 11, 2023 11:38pmReport post

Now I'm hearing from my friends who I used to work with, and who he still works with, that he's been saying really horrible things about me to anyone he can corner to try to win them over. He's even telling my dear female friends about our sex life ( or probably lack of it. I wonder why?!) and how miserable I've been. These friends know the truth about what he's done, but a lot of my colleagues aren't aware of what he's been arrested for or why I've broken up with him and told him to move out.

I can't believe he could be so nasty when I've done so much for him. He had an amazing life with me which he threw away. I'm starting to tell people who I trust the horrible story, my year and a half nightmare. Thankfully everyone has been hugely supportive.

He comes home from work, and we have a couple of awkward hours on the sofa watching TV, he chats about work, we scroll on our tablets. There's a massive stinking elephant in the room he's choosing to ignore.

kmiller

Member since
June 2023

9 posts

Posted Mon September 4, 2023 5:08pmReport post

In this case I think it is best you distance yourself from him, especially now that his dad can help financially. From what you have wrote, this person is very toxic and manipulative.
It's a shame that he is lying to people and making you look bad, but I don't think you can do anything about it. At least this way the people siding with him are showing their true faces.

MywholeWorld

Member since
February 2023

37 posts

Posted Tue September 5, 2023 10:49amReport post

I am in a similar position, I want him to leave the family home as soon as possible. He is in the process of buying a flat but it's dragging along and he is not very forthcoming about what his plans are, and when I ask, I am met with aggression and hostility.

I have to live in the house with him until he can leave, he is toxic and manipluative, very selfish. I wish to erase him from my life as soon as possible.

Be strong, you are worth so much more than this. He has thrown away a lovely life with you, you are not to blame.

kmiller

Member since
June 2023

9 posts

Posted Wed September 6, 2023 10:35amReport post

Tough position, I know. Be strong.

JulieM

Member since
July 2023

76 posts

Posted Tue September 12, 2023 12:36amReport post

Update! He's found himself a flat in the same town as his Dad and is moving out in a week and a half. I feel a great weight off my shoulders, only to be replaced by another burden of shouldering all the financial responsibilities of the house. Thankfully I have enough money to keep the roof over my head for now, but will have to consider moving at some point.

I feel so bittersweet about this situation. He's definitely wronged me in a big way, but he's still the shy, insecure, humorous man I loved once. He's not a complete monster. He made some very bad choices over the span of a few days. I told him I'd support him emotionally as he only has me and his Dad to turn too. I'll attend court hearings so he doesn't have to sit alone waiting in the courthouse.

If anything, I pity him. He sees me and our friends taking part in our hobbies he's now banned from. He knows I just booked my plane tickets to the destination we were both supposed to be going to, which he'll never be able to visit because of what he's done. Life is going to pass him by in so many ways ....

loulou74

Member since
September 2022

255 posts

Posted Tue September 12, 2023 9:23amReport post

You've summed up how I feel about my ex. He's not a bad person, and he has lost his job, wife, home for the sake of a bit of sexual gratification. He ended up down a rabbit hole probably due to undiagnosed autism and trying to prove people weren't who they said they were. It's completely messed up his life and I do feel for him. Though in some ways, I'm quite envious of the quiet life he now has with little responsibility.

JulieM

Member since
July 2023

76 posts

Posted Tue September 19, 2023 12:35amReport post

Feeling lots of mixed emotions now that he's leaving. I feel very protective of him because of his tragic past and how scarred he is from it still. My emotions are all over the place. I will continue to support him emotionally, go to court with him and keep our friendship going like it was before we were together.

I've never really lived on my own, so that will be strange, especially at night, but I feel it will be a lot less awkward than the situation we're in now with him in the spare room.

I am grieving for the relationship we would have had if he hadn't stepped over the line. Grieving for all the little things that made our relationship unique there are no more. Grieving for the adventures we had, the life we had which was cut short because of a few days of very bad choices.

Daisy1956

Member since
June 2024

7 posts

Posted Thu July 4, 2024 4:36pmReport post

Hi, I discovered 6 weeks ago that the person I was about to marry has a 4 month conviction going back nearly 40 years for taking indecent images. I only found out because he had a phone call from the police regarding new allegations going back to the same time.

I am absolutely devastated and have had to let my close family know because the police and SS got involved regarding two young children in my family who have stayed here when he did.

Thankfully we have two separate homes but I won't be able to stay here financially if we separate. The person I have known for 3 years is not that person and I CANNOT understand it.

Do I stand by him? Do I not see him anymore? My family love him as I do but he is not allowed to see these children anymore which effectively stops them coming here unless we completely break up.

I am so sad, feel devastated, grief and shame.

Mandymoo

Member since
September 2021

297 posts

Posted Thu July 4, 2024 10:18pmReport post

Daisy please repost this in the discussion and support tab, x

Lastima

Member since
July 2024

48 posts

Posted Tue July 23, 2024 10:48pmReport post

Julien

How do you found out about the details ? Did you went to court ?