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Feeling stupid

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Karina B

Member since
August 2023

5 posts

Posted Thu August 3, 2023 4:48pmReport post

My (ex) OH was arrested at 6.30am a couple of weeks ago. I've only just recovered from the shock. We had returned from our first holiday abroad together 2 days earlier. We had been together 5 years and he told me I was his everything. We're both divorced with adult children (no grandchildren). When he was taken away I spent a lonely 9 hours, scared to call anyone in case it was a mistake. Strangely, I wasn't that surprised because I had suspected that he had a secret and knew that he had lied/cheated before. I packed a few things, collected him from the station, had a short conversation with him (he didn't deny anything, but is playing it down) then left. I've sent him a message saying that it has made me feel inadequate and worthless (we had a healthy love life). I also feel violated and so does my daughter. I'm in the process of moving everything out. He's devastated but he feels like a complete stranger to me. He hasn't told his daughter the truth and I don't feel its my place to. Everyone in my life is asking questions about why I've left, we seemed so haopy etc. More than anything I feel stupid and ashamed.

Edited Fri August 4, 2023 10:11am

Smile through tears

Member since
September 2021

2548 posts

Posted Fri August 4, 2023 12:38pmReport post

Please don't feel stupid or ashamed. Your certainly NOT stupid and he should feel ashamed of himself not you...... I'm hoping this shame is not on your part - never forget you are innocent.

My son lived in this private world right under our roof, we had no inclination of what he was looking at or involved in. We never suspected a thing - that's why it was such a devastating shock.

Edited Fri August 4, 2023 12:57pm

Tabs

Member since
November 2019

501 posts

Posted Fri August 4, 2023 1:54pmReport post

As someone who has been there and felt as you do, please please do not take on any of his shame. If someone has a secret and they don't want you to know, you won't know. I've learnt that we only ever really know ourselves. I've just posted about my ex. He kept secrets all his life. It's all very complex. But this is his baggage and not yours.

You can choose to support or not. It's your choice and yours only. There is no right or wrong here. You will find nothing but support here.

Xxx

Tabs

Member since
November 2019

501 posts

Posted Fri August 4, 2023 1:54pmReport post

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Edited Fri August 4, 2023 1:55pm