Family and Friends Forum

Hi Helen, this is such a difficult personal subject, but personally I have made it very clear that I cannot continue our (over) 20 year marriage with 3 of us in the relationship - me, my OH, and porn. He cannot put me and the kids through all of this and then still be looking at porn. If you compared it to someone with a drug addiction, you would not think it's ok for a drug addict to do an occasional line of coke.
It's simple for us, it's me or the porn, and if he chooses porn then I realise we would need to part ways. I do not say these things lightly.
I appreciate everyone's situations are very different to one another, but that's my take on it.
I am not sure if that helps or not, and I apologise if that upsets you, I certainly didn't mean it to X

My OH stopped the day he was arrested and hasnt since. It too stemmed from the porn addiction so he knew that he needed to stop. We have an app that monitors his usage and i also have filters on the WIFI that blocks adult sites so even if he has the 'urge' he can't. He has took his hobbies more serious to fill his time with because he said it was when he was alone he felt that he needed to watch porn.

He said it was difficult at first as he felt he needed to watch porn but it got easier as time went on (we are around 17 months after the knock and no charge etc yet).

He seems so much better for qquittingand his behaviour has changed ao much. I have a family member who was an alcoholic and their behaviour was so similar to my OH its crazy, no one ever thinks of porn being addictive (well I didnt)!

Hi Helen

NO this to be would be a red flag for me after every thing we have gone through . My OH aways watched porn and it's one of the things we use to row about. I didn't realise how bad it had got.

Until the dreadful Knock 3 years ago.

I stayed with my OH and one of the conditions no porn, were here because of it and it's like saying to an alcohol you can have one more drink, a gamble go on have one more bet. So no way is porn coming back into my home.

It's not easy, they need to get the help they need and want to change. Otherwise its never going to work.

Anne

My person hasn't since he was arrested, 3 years ago. His visor and first probation officer had voiced concerns over this since we aren't currently in an intimate relationship.

As has been said on here already this is my line where I would walk away. This is due to fear of going through this situation again, I absolutely wouldn't come through it in the same way a second time.

For me it shows that my person has accepted responsibility for his actions and has taken steps to ensure that it doesn't happen again. He also limits his internet use at times that he is feeling low etc, this was something discussed on the engage plus course and he has taken it on board xxx

Hi Helen,

As stated above my oh hasn't looked at porn since his arrest, he hasn't wanted to but he also knows I am worried height fall down the trap again and I would not be going through this a second time, we are 3 years post sentence and 5 since the knock x

My partner stopped the day of his arrest which is just over a year ago now. Iv always known he watched porn (legal porn) it never bothered me at all I feel it's normal and most people watch it.

however before I never realised it was an addiction and how bad it was and as it's brought him down this awful path i wouldn't be happy about him watching it again.

My oh hasn't since the day of the knock so just over two years. We have restrictions on WiFi and he also accepted having family link on his phone so I can see what he uses and restrictions on sites too. I have made it clear if he looks once the children and I will be gone because I'm not being put through all of this again and they also deserve better

My partner stopped looking at porn the day of the knock and he has done ever since. It's what lead him done this horrific path. He has a porn blocker on his phone. Also I've said if I knew he was watching porn now then we would split up. It's a definate no no from me and he knows it. I would say my partner is a million times better in himself. He said he would waste hours and hours mindlessly looking at porn. He looks back now and thinks what a waste of time. He now does other things, hobbies or stuff around the house and even though the last 2 and a half years have been the worst time of my life we actually do get on better and apart from me ranting at him on many occasions over what he's done we don't actually argue

Never looked at it since arrest i didn't even have to say anything he made the decision attends S.A.A