Family and Friends Forum

So, I am now 4 years on from the vigilante Facebook livestream of sting and subsequent arrest, following my solid dependable loving husband of over 30 years going to meet a 13yo. My full story is on here as this forum was and is a source of valuable information and support to me during my horrendous journey.



I hope I don’t upset anyone with this post but I have been open and honest throughout and I feel I need to continue to do so in the hope it may help others.



I had to talk to my ex re finances and was asking him other questions. Only now, now he knows that I no longer feel the need to support him, on asking him a direct question, has he admitted to me the fact that he knew he was going to meet a 13yo!! He always had me believe that it was not his intention. A slow drip drip disclosure over the years of him having a porn addiction, chatting on line and meeting sex workers and other women through connections made in adult chat room, telling me that the 13yo was actually an adult role playing!



At long last, the truth! Which I so desperately needed at the start of this as I never really knew what I was dealing with and bounced around looking for reasons why this might have happened. A mistake surely? He assured me he would ‘never’ knowingly have done this. But I knew I could never trust him. Just him meeting one woman and hiding it was a marriage breaker for me. And I was right to think that. Had I believed what he told me initially and forgiven him, I would never have known. He also omitted to tell me about a new relationship for many months in order to keep me on side! He today told me that he ‘couldn’t depend on her as it was a new relationship’.



Interestingly he also was able to tell me that he tried to learn from me how to love and care, and be honest, but his hard wiring means he is unable to do that naturally. He observed that I am honest (one of my strong values) but too trusting and I care about things that haven’t happened yet! Something I am now very aware of! So this man, my first and only love, only ever showed me what he thought he should, and was actually never honest. I never really knew him, he lived a lie and presented a false image that people would like and admire.



I’m not angry, I actually feel sorry for him, pity that his childhood neglect and trauma has ultimately led to his destruction. It’s not entirely his fault, but he had choices. He made the wrong ones, not me, therefore it is his burden to carry.



I have read lots, am better informed, and value myself so much more. And I can look back and see what I missed at the time. As they say love is blind. Please don’t let love blind you, keep your eyes and ears wide open. Make the right decision for YOU not them! For those of you that have masses of empathy, don’t let that be used to manipulate you.



Love and strength to you all

xxx

Thank you for your lovely comments. I really am well and happy. I am more equipped to help others go through their own traumas...there are many and that gives me a purpose in life.

I think we've all learnt that tomorrow is never guaranteed and that we don't know what is around the corner....Let's hope for good things Xxxx

Thank you so much Firefly. That is so touching! I'm glad I have helped in some small way by sharing my story. I do pop in and read the forum from time to time. It's strange, but even though I'm moving on, it's still important at times, for me to feel part of this group, as no one else in my world can really relate to what I've gone through and continue to go through.
I wish you and your family all the very best. I wouldn't wish this situation on anyone, and it's so unexpected but also so very brutal when vigilantes are involved.
Xxxx