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Hi
We are nearly nine years down the line and have discovered I am pregnant with both of ours first child. We know that ss will be involved but we were told some time ago that it shouldn't be an issue, however, it seems from reading other people's experience we may not be able to live as a family or will have to jump through hoops. The thought of ss involvement terrifies us...
OH 10yrs on SOR with three years left for procession of IIOC. One year suspended sentence and couse completion (Horizon?).
I want to gather as much information before we contact his offender manager. I'm not sure I'm ready to open the floodgates.
So would appreciate any suggestions on what we should expect or what we can/should do to help our situation.
Thanks
We are nearly nine years down the line and have discovered I am pregnant with both of ours first child. We know that ss will be involved but we were told some time ago that it shouldn't be an issue, however, it seems from reading other people's experience we may not be able to live as a family or will have to jump through hoops. The thought of ss involvement terrifies us...
OH 10yrs on SOR with three years left for procession of IIOC. One year suspended sentence and couse completion (Horizon?).
I want to gather as much information before we contact his offender manager. I'm not sure I'm ready to open the floodgates.
So would appreciate any suggestions on what we should expect or what we can/should do to help our situation.
Thanks
Hi how comes yours case has been going on for 9 years and you are right socail service will get involved to see how much of your other half is a risk but also to see if you can also protect you child if that makes sense in terms of his shpo has he got any conditions with kids ?
Hi,
The Knock was 9 years ago, sentencing approx 7yrs ago. We just get the yearly visit from his OM, well not even yearly.... No issues in those 9 yrs and no previous issues prior to that.
Police recommended caution to CPS but at the last minute CPS changed their minds. We didn't find out the details of the charge until twenty minutes before court, they debated for nearly an hour as to whether it should stay in crown court... ended up going to magistrates court on a technicality (can't remember the details), no representative from police/cps turned up and evidence was not available to sentencing judge so said he found it difficult to sentence..... they debated and as we did not want to postpone accepted the 12month suspended sentence....
I spoke to the police officer after court and she advised that they made the decision on age range based on what they knew had been available on that site rather then the images themselves .... And that all the evidence showed he was telling the truth... they were of a mature age, no search's...... She had moved into a high ranking role within this specific area so I had no reason to distrust her. She actually told me to get on with our life's together and put it behind us....
we did not expect to have children but here we are .... I'm sure they won't even care about any of the above or even believe our version of events.... At the end of the day a charge is a charge..... And I'm thinking I'm not even going to be able to explain the age thing to as in case it looks like I'm 'minimising'.....
So, what can we do to prepare for this awful journey? And what would ss be told by police?
We just started to feel a bit more at ease knowing there is only three years left... and now this pregnancy feels like another sentence rather than the joy it is supposed to..... if I could take all this out of the equation it would be a huge joy .... Will this child bring a lifetime of having to watch our backs ..... I can't go through that again ....
The Knock was 9 years ago, sentencing approx 7yrs ago. We just get the yearly visit from his OM, well not even yearly.... No issues in those 9 yrs and no previous issues prior to that.
Police recommended caution to CPS but at the last minute CPS changed their minds. We didn't find out the details of the charge until twenty minutes before court, they debated for nearly an hour as to whether it should stay in crown court... ended up going to magistrates court on a technicality (can't remember the details), no representative from police/cps turned up and evidence was not available to sentencing judge so said he found it difficult to sentence..... they debated and as we did not want to postpone accepted the 12month suspended sentence....
I spoke to the police officer after court and she advised that they made the decision on age range based on what they knew had been available on that site rather then the images themselves .... And that all the evidence showed he was telling the truth... they were of a mature age, no search's...... She had moved into a high ranking role within this specific area so I had no reason to distrust her. She actually told me to get on with our life's together and put it behind us....
we did not expect to have children but here we are .... I'm sure they won't even care about any of the above or even believe our version of events.... At the end of the day a charge is a charge..... And I'm thinking I'm not even going to be able to explain the age thing to as in case it looks like I'm 'minimising'.....
So, what can we do to prepare for this awful journey? And what would ss be told by police?
We just started to feel a bit more at ease knowing there is only three years left... and now this pregnancy feels like another sentence rather than the joy it is supposed to..... if I could take all this out of the equation it would be a huge joy .... Will this child bring a lifetime of having to watch our backs ..... I can't go through that again ....
The first thing is to remain calm - this is a loved and wanted baby and I send you my congratulations! It sounds like you have carefully thought about this already and I'm sure you will be amazing parents.
Things that in my opinion will go in your favour:
- the offence is historic and there have been no breaches
- it is online only
- the age of the under 18s being more mature (not minimising, but just being clear that there has never been any suggestion of images of infants/pre pubescent children)
- your proactive approach to safety planning
- you and your OH having a good understanding of why the offences were committed and what needs to be in place to prevent relapse etc - your OH being open and honest about this and about what has now changed
- having a positive 'can do' attitude
Things you need to be aware of:
- different local authority areas have different approaches and some will be more judgemental than others and some will be more fearful of potential connections between online offending and contact offending. By this I mean some LAs have a lower tolerance to risk so go in more risk averse meaning stricter approaches to safety planning and contact
- minimising what has happened/saying there is no risk to your child would be seen as a red flag
- younger children are always seen as more at risk as they cannot speak/protect themselves so no one would know if they were being abused, especially prior to attending a nursery etc
- if you refused an assessment/refused to let social workers in you may find they take a hard line approach and escalate to child protection
There will be a referral and my advice is to be clear about what you want to achieve, be clear about potential risks, be clear about how you intend to manage these (is safety planning) - identify support networks around you e.g. friends and family. Be firm about what you want but also acknowledge risks they or you may identify and listen to the suggestions they have (but don't agree to things if you think they won't work for you)
I would also insist on a specialist independent risk assessment if they suggest a specific risk assessment is needed - social workers are not trained to assess online or contact offenders.
I would also ensure you get given copies of all paperwork promptly - social workers like anyone get behind in paperwork sometimes so they may need reminding that it's your legal right to have this (but ask nicely to keep things friendly and positively focused)
Things that in my opinion will go in your favour:
- the offence is historic and there have been no breaches
- it is online only
- the age of the under 18s being more mature (not minimising, but just being clear that there has never been any suggestion of images of infants/pre pubescent children)
- your proactive approach to safety planning
- you and your OH having a good understanding of why the offences were committed and what needs to be in place to prevent relapse etc - your OH being open and honest about this and about what has now changed
- having a positive 'can do' attitude
Things you need to be aware of:
- different local authority areas have different approaches and some will be more judgemental than others and some will be more fearful of potential connections between online offending and contact offending. By this I mean some LAs have a lower tolerance to risk so go in more risk averse meaning stricter approaches to safety planning and contact
- minimising what has happened/saying there is no risk to your child would be seen as a red flag
- younger children are always seen as more at risk as they cannot speak/protect themselves so no one would know if they were being abused, especially prior to attending a nursery etc
- if you refused an assessment/refused to let social workers in you may find they take a hard line approach and escalate to child protection
There will be a referral and my advice is to be clear about what you want to achieve, be clear about potential risks, be clear about how you intend to manage these (is safety planning) - identify support networks around you e.g. friends and family. Be firm about what you want but also acknowledge risks they or you may identify and listen to the suggestions they have (but don't agree to things if you think they won't work for you)
I would also insist on a specialist independent risk assessment if they suggest a specific risk assessment is needed - social workers are not trained to assess online or contact offenders.
I would also ensure you get given copies of all paperwork promptly - social workers like anyone get behind in paperwork sometimes so they may need reminding that it's your legal right to have this (but ask nicely to keep things friendly and positively focused)