Am i not understanding enough?
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Is there ever a valid reason or excuse that your partner has come up with? I just cant get my head around it!
Ive had from him: porn addiction, depression, childhood trauma (?), OCD, he'd been drinking, he liked the "risky" feeling when he did it.
But in my head all im thinking is; You know the difference between right and wrong.
To me its black and white. Yes all of the things hes said are true but he still knows the difference between right and wrong.
Am i being a twat?
Ive had from him: porn addiction, depression, childhood trauma (?), OCD, he'd been drinking, he liked the "risky" feeling when he did it.
But in my head all im thinking is; You know the difference between right and wrong.
To me its black and white. Yes all of the things hes said are true but he still knows the difference between right and wrong.
Am i being a twat?
Whyus,
No you are not being a twat. I have thought the same thing over and over again. At some stage there was a thought process that they went through before they stepped over that line. I do not have an addictive nature myself but I do believe that all the elements you stated play a part.
My husband didn't have the best childhood, he also had an alcoholic dad and both mum and dad smoked. My husband drinks far to much, can't control that, or his porn watching, or his eating and now he has moved out for now his spending.
I told him to get a f..... grip. Have some control. Completely lost it, but I think he needs therapy to see why he goes down these self destructive routes.
So in short you are not a twat and if you are, I am too ;) xx
No you are not being a twat. I have thought the same thing over and over again. At some stage there was a thought process that they went through before they stepped over that line. I do not have an addictive nature myself but I do believe that all the elements you stated play a part.
My husband didn't have the best childhood, he also had an alcoholic dad and both mum and dad smoked. My husband drinks far to much, can't control that, or his porn watching, or his eating and now he has moved out for now his spending.
I told him to get a f..... grip. Have some control. Completely lost it, but I think he needs therapy to see why he goes down these self destructive routes.
So in short you are not a twat and if you are, I am too ;) xx
You’re definitely not being a twat lovely! I got them reasons too porn addiction, depression, he also said with having no friends the conversations with trading porn gave him people to talk to, EUGH! He had a loving partner and family so for me no friends isn’t really a valid reason.
When I asked him why he didn’t think at the time it was wrong, he said he knew it was wrong he was addicted to the conversation and just couldn’t stop. Something in his brain just didn’t click!
At least he acknowledges it’s wrong but it pisses me off how in that moment his brain didn’t engage! They’re not stupid! Xxx
When I asked him why he didn’t think at the time it was wrong, he said he knew it was wrong he was addicted to the conversation and just couldn’t stop. Something in his brain just didn’t click!
At least he acknowledges it’s wrong but it pisses me off how in that moment his brain didn’t engage! They’re not stupid! Xxx
I’m trying to understand why too. My husband is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for a long time. He experienced childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a circle of sex offenders and when he told his parents they didn’t believe it and I know it has affected him ever since. We don’t have any contact with his family now as a result. BUT I can’t get my head around that line he crossed, like you mentioned. If anything he knows more than most the damage that it can cause, he says he wanted to try and see if he could understand HIS abusers. Which makes NO sense.
We can never condone their behaviour, we come to accept that it has happened but we will never truly accept it. You are not a twat. There are trigger factors that come in to play of course but it is a choice. A blooming stupid choice but a choice none the less.
My husband suffered sexual abuse as a child, he has autism, he has schizophrenic tendencies, was brought up in a very scary religious home and yet he wont blame these circumstances. They do not help in anyway but in the end he decided to offend.
We will never truly understand as even they dont.
My husband suffered sexual abuse as a child, he has autism, he has schizophrenic tendencies, was brought up in a very scary religious home and yet he wont blame these circumstances. They do not help in anyway but in the end he decided to offend.
We will never truly understand as even they dont.
Why is,
we are all super understanding and kind we all appear to be very compassionate humans. Sally blue is so right and I think once they actually accept their behaviour and that they offended they can heal.
childhood trauma seems to play a major role in most of these experiences, it’s incredibly sad and although doesn’t justify the behaviour. It does show how early life experiences impact a child. My husband brain works very differently to mine. I think I have a kind inner voice I imagine that there’s is very critical.
please be kind to yourself. I genuinely didn’t have a clue this was happening in my marriage.
i have been a bit quite recently I am having a lot on so not coming to the forum as much as before. But I think of you all often and I think we are all very strong. X
we are all super understanding and kind we all appear to be very compassionate humans. Sally blue is so right and I think once they actually accept their behaviour and that they offended they can heal.
childhood trauma seems to play a major role in most of these experiences, it’s incredibly sad and although doesn’t justify the behaviour. It does show how early life experiences impact a child. My husband brain works very differently to mine. I think I have a kind inner voice I imagine that there’s is very critical.
please be kind to yourself. I genuinely didn’t have a clue this was happening in my marriage.
i have been a bit quite recently I am having a lot on so not coming to the forum as much as before. But I think of you all often and I think we are all very strong. X
Whyus, you're absolutely not a twat. I've felt the same at times, but I realise he's the one who's been twatish, not me.
One of the reasons I'm still with my partner (at the moment) is because he's never tried to blame it on anything; he says he doesn't know how he ended up here. He is genuinely disgusted with himself and has made no attempt to shift the blame. I don't know how I'd be coping if he'd tried to blame anyone else. Xx
One of the reasons I'm still with my partner (at the moment) is because he's never tried to blame it on anything; he says he doesn't know how he ended up here. He is genuinely disgusted with himself and has made no attempt to shift the blame. I don't know how I'd be coping if he'd tried to blame anyone else. Xx
I’m starting to get a better understanding, not of what my husband did but how someone can cross a moral line. I realised over the weekend that there have been times in my life when I have ‘broken’ my own moral code for whatever reason, so although it’s not been on the scale of what my husband has done, I’m getting my head around how maybe he could’ve started on that path anyway.
I've read that a lot of men have given the same reason so I do think it is possible that it is an addiction which has got out of control. Being lured into something and not realising where images are going when you click on them. I never knew that any image you look at such as clothes shopping then a trace of the image gets put on that machine. I thought I knew technology but I dont. Also call me naive but I never thought viewing indecent images was illegal. Sure enough i know searching for them is etc but i was shocked when i read that someone can be convicted for opening an email attachment if it contained an image.