Indecent images found
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I'm really struggling with this event, around two weeks ago we had a knock on our door to tell me my husband and father of our 3 children had been arrested on indecent images charges that the IP had identified it came for our address, they took everything I even helped look as we have loads of old phones we never get rid of because of u never know if uyour new one breaks.
They say he had images on his phone and that found a calculator app with images behind it. My husband is broken he is denying that he's ever download or looked or thought about these things and I really believe him, he Is a great man and father he's not tec savey and he hands his phone over to me all the time with no hesitation and every time I want it, it because I want to use the calculator or look at pics of the kids. We are now in limbo with waiting and SS have a child protection order as he can't reside with us.
Please understand my children are my number 1 priority and will be put before anyone and everything but I really believe this has to be a hack or malware or something else ... Please advise or give me hope
They say he had images on his phone and that found a calculator app with images behind it. My husband is broken he is denying that he's ever download or looked or thought about these things and I really believe him, he Is a great man and father he's not tec savey and he hands his phone over to me all the time with no hesitation and every time I want it, it because I want to use the calculator or look at pics of the kids. We are now in limbo with waiting and SS have a child protection order as he can't reside with us.
Please understand my children are my number 1 priority and will be put before anyone and everything but I really believe this has to be a hack or malware or something else ... Please advise or give me hope
I'm sorry your going through this. It's just a waiting game unfortunately. I stood up for my oh to the police on day of knock was adamant he hadn't done it and he came back and admitted he had. I too said he wouldn't of because I used his phone all the time and never noticed anything even the police was surprised that I new his password and used it but that's the thing it's a secret for them it's all deleted as soon as they've looked so nobody finds out and that took me a long while to get my head around. The app your on about has to be downloaded it was on a safeguarding course I did and it's like a secret storage app. I have stayed with my oh and past sentencing so if I've come across in a certain way please don't take offence I do understand the staying with your partner part
Thank you for replying honestly, my OH is still admit that this app has not been on his phone I even said I wouldn't care if it had and it had been used for affairs or just random naked pics I could get past that to an extent but he is sticking to this and I just want to hold out hope for the best outcome. I'm more concerned about the impact this will have on my children if ppl find out and how they will treat them x
Do I explain to close mam's that are his best friends in the hopes that they will help protect his emotions or do I risk them ending there only friendships that they have xx
Do I explain to close mam's that are his best friends in the hopes that they will help protect his emotions or do I risk them ending there only friendships that they have xx
I would try to tell as few people as you possibly can, the stigma is not something you want attached to you and your children xx
I'd avoid telling anyone unless desperately needed. We only told both sets of parents that was because I'd rung mine just after the police left as I couldn't cope and obviously his side because he had to go live with them. I made the mistake of telling a close friend and we no longer speak I'm guessing from what I told her although she never said that was the reason
Familyunitedplease111, something you said really hit home, that your OH is a good man. I firmly believe that my OH is a good man too, he has just done some very bad things. I have chosen to stand by him, although we are still working on our marriage so he has not come home yet.
If you find that you OH has done these things, it is really important that he gets some help in trying to understand why it happened. You will find that many of the men who have these images do not have an attraction to children. They may have bad experiences from childhood or addiction problems. Both is the case with my OH.
I hope you are right and they find it is a mistake, but it's a long road to find out for sure. Look after yourself first, for you and your kids.
I echo what the others have said, tell as few people as possible. You can't un-tell them x
If you find that you OH has done these things, it is really important that he gets some help in trying to understand why it happened. You will find that many of the men who have these images do not have an attraction to children. They may have bad experiences from childhood or addiction problems. Both is the case with my OH.
I hope you are right and they find it is a mistake, but it's a long road to find out for sure. Look after yourself first, for you and your kids.
I echo what the others have said, tell as few people as possible. You can't un-tell them x
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The response and support from you all is unbelievable and I appreciate it so much.
You never believe that this or any thing could happen to your family and I'm trying to stay organised and focus 1 task at a time xx
What advice for telling children we want them to know little as possible and at the moment dad's on nightshift X what happens at Xmas x
You never believe that this or any thing could happen to your family and I'm trying to stay organised and focus 1 task at a time xx
What advice for telling children we want them to know little as possible and at the moment dad's on nightshift X what happens at Xmas x
This is brilliant advice, well said, Polly! X
I said to ours he was working nights, at Xmas he just got here around 6am like he would do on weekends and he wouldn't leave until at least 10pm so they didn't actually realise he wasn't there as in the night I'd just go in to them anyway. It depends what your conditions are aswell
Not sure how this will make you feel, I used to have access to my oh phone, able to unlock it and look through pictures etc. thankfully police didn't find any "hidden" or "hiding" apps but they did find one pic cat B from 2018, no searching, didn't even open it according to them (I've looked through his phone enough times I would have noticed this type of pic) no other images save extreem porn (which actually agrivates me what is considered extreem), honestly I'm still adamant that there is no such pic but there is no way of proving that as it's their evidence etc. he was still convinced of having that one pic and extreem porn and had a month added to his sentence for it. I hate that we have to take the police word for it, why can't solicitors get an independent assessment of divices
Hi everyone thought I'd give an update on were we are at so far.
Just had first conference today and kids are on CP plan, I expected it so not doing too bad. Everyone was very nice and supportive to us both given the reasons we were there and all give a lot of positives about our family unit and how well loved and looked after our children are, we scored 4 from everyone and the goal for now to get up to 5 is to figure out words and pictures to explain to our two oldest 12 and 7 without causing distress. Any advice welcome please x
Just had first conference today and kids are on CP plan, I expected it so not doing too bad. Everyone was very nice and supportive to us both given the reasons we were there and all give a lot of positives about our family unit and how well loved and looked after our children are, we scored 4 from everyone and the goal for now to get up to 5 is to figure out words and pictures to explain to our two oldest 12 and 7 without causing distress. Any advice welcome please x
Hi everyone I wish I had a good update and it could be to some we are still not in a place as investigation is still ongoing. All core group meetings and conferences are going well and everyone is so happy with us and our children no issues at all. We were hoping to progress to overnight stays b4 Xmas but lack of proper communication from SS have ment it will not happen til the new year. Condition are my niece stays over downstairs and I put a safety gate and his old weights on the inside of our bedroom door these were my ideas for the safety plan but there's was niece stopping. Can I ask how I'm ment to provide safety at night while I'm asleep that would satisfy them without the requirements for my niece stopping as not fair on her or us. I've asked them for there take but all they say is it's us that need to come up with something I don't sleep and am up with any movement but I know that doesn't help my cause x
Hi Family, my husband and myself provide over night supervised contact for our Grandchildren as my son who is the offender now lives with us. We are closed to SS but my son has a SHPO which prevents him from having unsupervised contact with anyone under the age of 18 years. SS agreed to the overnights if we agreed that either my husband or myself slept in the room with the children.
Would it be possible for your neice to sleep in a room with you and your husband to sleep downstairs or for you to sleep downstairs with your neice?
I wish you all the best in finding a solution that works for you all.
Would it be possible for your neice to sleep in a room with you and your husband to sleep downstairs or for you to sleep downstairs with your neice?
I wish you all the best in finding a solution that works for you all.
I'm sorry you find yourself here. I remeber trying to find any piece of information that would help me validate or invalidate what I was being told. Depending on on the type of phone he had, you can often look at his app history download i.e. Apps he once had on his phone and now doesn't, or that he had installed. I know you can do this on android by logging into the play store, you would need his login details though.
Overnight options usually are;
1) you sleep in the same room as the child/ren and person sleeps in another room/downstairs
2) baby monitors (ideally with a camera) that only you have access to that alarm if someone goes in to the child's room
Definitely not locks or anything that could cause a fire risk
I personally find the idea of someone else sleeping over pointless, what are they going to do if they're asleep as well?
1) you sleep in the same room as the child/ren and person sleeps in another room/downstairs
2) baby monitors (ideally with a camera) that only you have access to that alarm if someone goes in to the child's room
Definitely not locks or anything that could cause a fire risk
I personally find the idea of someone else sleeping over pointless, what are they going to do if they're asleep as well?
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Well OH has been asked to come in for a second interview on Thursday as we were told device were just going through the quality check, is a second interview good or bad. I feel if It was bad they would want to see you that day ????
Second interview is to go over anything found.
In our case it was to ask about a few pics found, then after that it was sent to cps and we got charges a couple months later.
In our case it was to ask about a few pics found, then after that it was sent to cps and we got charges a couple months later.
Hi -
it's so hard to understand how this can happen and if guilty how could such a loving, caring person look at this evil stuff. It doesnt make a person 'bad'....
My son was a little hesitant to share his phone but some people are. Personally I wouldn't hand over my phone - nothing to hide - but I feel it's my business.
oh and I wouldn't tell anyone about what's happened, be extremely careful.
not much to offer but my thoughts and another lady here thinking about you. Keep posting - keep strong.
it's so hard to understand how this can happen and if guilty how could such a loving, caring person look at this evil stuff. It doesnt make a person 'bad'....
My son was a little hesitant to share his phone but some people are. Personally I wouldn't hand over my phone - nothing to hide - but I feel it's my business.
oh and I wouldn't tell anyone about what's happened, be extremely careful.
not much to offer but my thoughts and another lady here thinking about you. Keep posting - keep strong.
Hi everyone I'm after some advice, nothing much has changed in our safety plan, supervised around the kids only two over night stays if niece stops x
OH has dond second interview and going to court to decide if they want to press charges
We have had no bad interactions with ss or anyone involved everything is always positive
My question is that we are struggling with this plan because my dad has now been put on end of life care and it is becoming increasingly difficult . The ss manger from the team will be calling tomorrow as my SW is on holiday. Any advice for what help I might be able to ask for, I've read others stories and some partners are allowed home and not displaced x
OH has dond second interview and going to court to decide if they want to press charges
We have had no bad interactions with ss or anyone involved everything is always positive
My question is that we are struggling with this plan because my dad has now been put on end of life care and it is becoming increasingly difficult . The ss manger from the team will be calling tomorrow as my SW is on holiday. Any advice for what help I might be able to ask for, I've read others stories and some partners are allowed home and not displaced x
Hi,
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. It would be a good idea to work out what your needs are to then decide which bits of the plan need to change to meet this need.
If you need help with childcare and can't provide supervision then perhaps you can ask them if they would consider your partner having the children for a couple of hours at a time while you are at the hospital or wherever your dad is. Maybe you could ask if this is something that's possible if he has them in the community, parks or McDonald's or something while he has them.
If you need help overnight incase you get a call then this might be trickier to organise at short notice xxx
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. It would be a good idea to work out what your needs are to then decide which bits of the plan need to change to meet this need.
If you need help with childcare and can't provide supervision then perhaps you can ask them if they would consider your partner having the children for a couple of hours at a time while you are at the hospital or wherever your dad is. Maybe you could ask if this is something that's possible if he has them in the community, parks or McDonald's or something while he has them.
If you need help overnight incase you get a call then this might be trickier to organise at short notice xxx