Having your first child
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I’ve been following this support group for a while but this is my first post.
Some background into my situation is that the knock came 2 years ago, with my husband being convicted earlier this year. The outcome was a suspended sentence, community service, SHPO and SOR. The SHPO includes no unsupervised contact with under 16s despite this not being a contact offence.
Though we’re not at a stage to be considering having children right now, I would like some advice from anyone who has started a family since their person was convicted as many of the posts I’ve seen are people who already had children prior to the knock or conviction. I know it may sound ridiculous to some that I would even be considering having a child given the conviction however, it is something I have been battling with for some time as I would like to have a family one day. Every situation is a different one.
I’d like to understand if there is a possibility that we would ever be able to have children and what we may be faced with?
Thank you in advance for any advice you can share.
Some background into my situation is that the knock came 2 years ago, with my husband being convicted earlier this year. The outcome was a suspended sentence, community service, SHPO and SOR. The SHPO includes no unsupervised contact with under 16s despite this not being a contact offence.
Though we’re not at a stage to be considering having children right now, I would like some advice from anyone who has started a family since their person was convicted as many of the posts I’ve seen are people who already had children prior to the knock or conviction. I know it may sound ridiculous to some that I would even be considering having a child given the conviction however, it is something I have been battling with for some time as I would like to have a family one day. Every situation is a different one.
I’d like to understand if there is a possibility that we would ever be able to have children and what we may be faced with?
Thank you in advance for any advice you can share.
I haven't been in your position but I would like a further child with my person in the future so I guess there are similarities.
I also work for social services so am aware of the processes.
Without details of you and your person it's impossible to give a definitive answer, however I can explain some of the processes. A complicating factor for you is the shpo - but I am aware of cases where exceptions are put in place so that offenders can have access to their own children, just not anyone else's. I have personally been the social worker for a family in this situation so it definitely happens, and that individual was online and offline offences - different sex and age group to their own child.
When you tell the GP/midwife you are pregnant they will do safeguarding checks and at this stage you will need to declare your partner's conviction (don't be tempted not to tell them as it will come out later and look worse on you)
They will refer this into the multi agency safeguarding hub (social services, police and sometimes health and education). A decision will be made whether to close, refer for support in the community or open for an assessment with a SW. Due to the nature of the offences the latter is the most realistic outcome
A social worker will make contact and commence a pre birth assessment. They will look at all the risks and protective factors. They may decide a strategy discussion is needed to get information from all multi agency partners (I'd say this is very likely)
The strategy discussion /meeting would decide if the concerns met a child protection investigation level. It's difficulty to say which way it would go but I think this is quite possible given the shpo restrictions
Regardless of the level of intervention the SW should listen to you and your oh and what you want, and then assess whether they think this can be safely achieved, and what support might be required to get there. A plan would usually be created with goals and things you need to do to achieve them - this could be safeguarding courses. There should be a safety plan. They might ask a specialist agency such as Lucy faithful to complete a risk assessment.
It is possible that the assessment (social workers or specialists) might say your oh is not safe enough to live in the house even with a safety plan. You can of course challenge this - all social services is advisory until there's a court order. However it's usually best to work in partnership and show willing, hard work and determination, and of course demonstrate that the child's needs come first
The police and court would need to be involved re the shpo
It might be useful to have a look at the nspcc 'child protection process' part of the website to get more detailed information.
Basically I'd be saying it's possible, but there will be assessments and challenges
Good luck!
I also work for social services so am aware of the processes.
Without details of you and your person it's impossible to give a definitive answer, however I can explain some of the processes. A complicating factor for you is the shpo - but I am aware of cases where exceptions are put in place so that offenders can have access to their own children, just not anyone else's. I have personally been the social worker for a family in this situation so it definitely happens, and that individual was online and offline offences - different sex and age group to their own child.
When you tell the GP/midwife you are pregnant they will do safeguarding checks and at this stage you will need to declare your partner's conviction (don't be tempted not to tell them as it will come out later and look worse on you)
They will refer this into the multi agency safeguarding hub (social services, police and sometimes health and education). A decision will be made whether to close, refer for support in the community or open for an assessment with a SW. Due to the nature of the offences the latter is the most realistic outcome
A social worker will make contact and commence a pre birth assessment. They will look at all the risks and protective factors. They may decide a strategy discussion is needed to get information from all multi agency partners (I'd say this is very likely)
The strategy discussion /meeting would decide if the concerns met a child protection investigation level. It's difficulty to say which way it would go but I think this is quite possible given the shpo restrictions
Regardless of the level of intervention the SW should listen to you and your oh and what you want, and then assess whether they think this can be safely achieved, and what support might be required to get there. A plan would usually be created with goals and things you need to do to achieve them - this could be safeguarding courses. There should be a safety plan. They might ask a specialist agency such as Lucy faithful to complete a risk assessment.
It is possible that the assessment (social workers or specialists) might say your oh is not safe enough to live in the house even with a safety plan. You can of course challenge this - all social services is advisory until there's a court order. However it's usually best to work in partnership and show willing, hard work and determination, and of course demonstrate that the child's needs come first
The police and court would need to be involved re the shpo
It might be useful to have a look at the nspcc 'child protection process' part of the website to get more detailed information.
Basically I'd be saying it's possible, but there will be assessments and challenges
Good luck!
Just a personal comment about getting your own assessments (which you would pay for) is that I asked LFF about getting one to show our protective capacity (we're grandparents with our son living with us whilst being investigated) and was told that sometimes Children's Services won't accept a particular assessment if it's one you've arranged yourself, so they advised us not to pay for anything without checking that it would be taken into account first. I gather that different LA's have different takes on this but we don't need it at the moment so left it there for now.
However, whilst talking generally about a risk assessment for our son in the furure we were told that our LA 'uses their own inhouse assessor' which concerns us after what Lee has said but that's a worry for the future as we have enough to keep us busy right now!!!
However, whilst talking generally about a risk assessment for our son in the furure we were told that our LA 'uses their own inhouse assessor' which concerns us after what Lee has said but that's a worry for the future as we have enough to keep us busy right now!!!
Thank you all so much for the replies, this is very helpful to understand the process that we may be faced with.
The whole process has been incredibly difficult and this is something I continue to battle with and although the close family who are aware of the situation have been very supportive, those family members already have children so I don't know that they'll ever truly understand how I feel knowing that may not happen for me/us. I love my husband and I believe he would be a good dad but realistically I needed to understand if it's possible with my husband, as difficult as this is to say. If we did have a child their safety would need to be priority. From your advice if we do decide in the future we're ready to have a child, we'll need to make sure we are fully prepared with everything you have mentioned.
My husbands conviction was for iioc across all categories, around 100 in total with the majority being cat c with no communication. I absolutely do not condone my husband's behaviour. There were a large number of factors that led him here and the solicitor he had was pretty poor to be honest, he had not raised the mitigations or work he had done between the knock and sentencing in court. For sentencing we remained in magistrates rather than being referred to crown court. I think we'll always wonder if the outcome would have been different in crown court, as there are some other items on the SHPO which I've not seen anyone else mention before either such as not using Snapchat and other messaging apps for example whatsapp (this may be something that is recently being included though).
I think I understand that it may be possible to challenge this by going back to court? We're certainly not in a hurry to be in court again and focusing on recovering from the past few years as best we can but maybe this is something we should consider in time.
Thank you again for the replies and advice, I really appreciate it
The whole process has been incredibly difficult and this is something I continue to battle with and although the close family who are aware of the situation have been very supportive, those family members already have children so I don't know that they'll ever truly understand how I feel knowing that may not happen for me/us. I love my husband and I believe he would be a good dad but realistically I needed to understand if it's possible with my husband, as difficult as this is to say. If we did have a child their safety would need to be priority. From your advice if we do decide in the future we're ready to have a child, we'll need to make sure we are fully prepared with everything you have mentioned.
My husbands conviction was for iioc across all categories, around 100 in total with the majority being cat c with no communication. I absolutely do not condone my husband's behaviour. There were a large number of factors that led him here and the solicitor he had was pretty poor to be honest, he had not raised the mitigations or work he had done between the knock and sentencing in court. For sentencing we remained in magistrates rather than being referred to crown court. I think we'll always wonder if the outcome would have been different in crown court, as there are some other items on the SHPO which I've not seen anyone else mention before either such as not using Snapchat and other messaging apps for example whatsapp (this may be something that is recently being included though).
I think I understand that it may be possible to challenge this by going back to court? We're certainly not in a hurry to be in court again and focusing on recovering from the past few years as best we can but maybe this is something we should consider in time.
Thank you again for the replies and advice, I really appreciate it
Hi rainbow06, looks like you're reply has posted out of order.
I think it is in your favour that it's online only offences. The main thing is demonstrating that the risk is lowered and what safety planning is in place to try to prevent reoffending.
Abothrrbuseful exercise is checking what family support you have around you should you have a child and he be restricted in certain aspects. Are there people in the family for example that would volunteer to look after a child in an emergency, or simply to give you a break
The not using WhatsApp seems ridiculous to me, we have to use that at work for example. I hope someone with more knowledge can advise you on challenging that!
I think it is in your favour that it's online only offences. The main thing is demonstrating that the risk is lowered and what safety planning is in place to try to prevent reoffending.
Abothrrbuseful exercise is checking what family support you have around you should you have a child and he be restricted in certain aspects. Are there people in the family for example that would volunteer to look after a child in an emergency, or simply to give you a break
The not using WhatsApp seems ridiculous to me, we have to use that at work for example. I hope someone with more knowledge can advise you on challenging that!