Vulnerable adult groomed into being perpetrator
Notifications OFF
In the last few days my entire life turned upside down when police turned up and my front door and arrested my adult son for uploading indecent images of children.
He is barely an adult having turned 19 this year. He has Autism, Global Developmental Delay and ADHD so very vulnerable and functions at a much younger level than his age. Need carers to manage his needs etc.
The police were great in understanding his disabilities and allowed me to sit in on his interview but the solicitor advised to give a no comment interview. My son found it so hard to understand the interview process that the solicitor had to sit next to him nodding and shaking his head at every question and had prepared my son if he shakes his head he says no comment, if he nods he can answer. Even after the interview ended and they asked if he was ok, he looked to the solicitor to wait for the head nod before answering. This is just to explain how much he does not understand this process.
All his devices were seized and he released on bail pending examination. Since then I have spoken to my son more about what the hell happened and found out he has in fact been groomed into this!
He 'befriended' a group of adults online nearly 2 years ago when he was still a child. They did all the usual tactics making him feel special listening to him etc. and this has slowly progressed into him providing them with indecent images. He has been searching for and downloading images and then sending them onto these 'friends' in order for them to like him and make them happy. He has no idea just how serious what he has done is!
I am going to try and find a solicitor today that specialises in our type of case. I think that's going to be really important and also working on gathering medical evidence of his vulnerabilities etc.
Has anyone been through something similar? Any advice on what else I should be doing.
I am terrified he is going to end up with a custodial sentence looking online as the images include cat A and they are a large number of them. Will they understand that he is a victim in this also or will that not matter?
He is barely an adult having turned 19 this year. He has Autism, Global Developmental Delay and ADHD so very vulnerable and functions at a much younger level than his age. Need carers to manage his needs etc.
The police were great in understanding his disabilities and allowed me to sit in on his interview but the solicitor advised to give a no comment interview. My son found it so hard to understand the interview process that the solicitor had to sit next to him nodding and shaking his head at every question and had prepared my son if he shakes his head he says no comment, if he nods he can answer. Even after the interview ended and they asked if he was ok, he looked to the solicitor to wait for the head nod before answering. This is just to explain how much he does not understand this process.
All his devices were seized and he released on bail pending examination. Since then I have spoken to my son more about what the hell happened and found out he has in fact been groomed into this!
He 'befriended' a group of adults online nearly 2 years ago when he was still a child. They did all the usual tactics making him feel special listening to him etc. and this has slowly progressed into him providing them with indecent images. He has been searching for and downloading images and then sending them onto these 'friends' in order for them to like him and make them happy. He has no idea just how serious what he has done is!
I am going to try and find a solicitor today that specialises in our type of case. I think that's going to be really important and also working on gathering medical evidence of his vulnerabilities etc.
Has anyone been through something similar? Any advice on what else I should be doing.
I am terrified he is going to end up with a custodial sentence looking online as the images include cat A and they are a large number of them. Will they understand that he is a victim in this also or will that not matter?
It's still early days and if there are other people involved, then the investigation may take some time.
There is a limit to what a solicitor can do right now, because until the police have examined all the devices, they will not proceed. Sadly, that process alone can take many months, even years.
It's definately worth looking for a specialist and there are other people on the forum with autistic sons, who can point you in the right direction. But I would be cautious about paying large amounts of money up front, to have a solicitor on what they call a 'retainer'.
A lot of solicitors firms will try to talk you into doing that, because then they can hold on to your money, all the while you are waiting. Once the police have examined the devices, your son will most likely be asked to attend a second interview with the police. That is the time to employ a solicitor.
Others may feel differently about this. That's just my opinion.
There is a limit to what a solicitor can do right now, because until the police have examined all the devices, they will not proceed. Sadly, that process alone can take many months, even years.
It's definately worth looking for a specialist and there are other people on the forum with autistic sons, who can point you in the right direction. But I would be cautious about paying large amounts of money up front, to have a solicitor on what they call a 'retainer'.
A lot of solicitors firms will try to talk you into doing that, because then they can hold on to your money, all the while you are waiting. Once the police have examined the devices, your son will most likely be asked to attend a second interview with the police. That is the time to employ a solicitor.
Others may feel differently about this. That's just my opinion.
I am so sorry that you find yourself here.
It is important that you find the right solicitor to represent your son. As these cases take such a long while you will have time to research and find the best fit for you and your son. Whilst looking online, I have come across this solicitor specialising in working with vulnerable adults with autism which you may wish to make contact with.
https://www.hja.net/legal-team/graeme-hydari/
If you also google 'solicitors specialising in Autism' it will give you more solicitors that you may wish to contact.
You should not feel pressurised into rushing into choosing a solicitor. However, a good solicitor should understand your situation and you will probably get a good 'gut feeling' after speaking to a few what feels right for you and your son.
I hope this information helps you in someway.
You have probably heard this before but even if the police have seemed nice and understanding be very aware that at the end of the day they want to secure a convinction. I am saying this from our experience as our family member was vulnerable ,under 18 years old with Autism and he did end up with a conviction. Many on this forum will say do not trust the police, no matter how nice they appear to be.
I am thinking of you and your son.
It is important that you find the right solicitor to represent your son. As these cases take such a long while you will have time to research and find the best fit for you and your son. Whilst looking online, I have come across this solicitor specialising in working with vulnerable adults with autism which you may wish to make contact with.
https://www.hja.net/legal-team/graeme-hydari/
If you also google 'solicitors specialising in Autism' it will give you more solicitors that you may wish to contact.
You should not feel pressurised into rushing into choosing a solicitor. However, a good solicitor should understand your situation and you will probably get a good 'gut feeling' after speaking to a few what feels right for you and your son.
I hope this information helps you in someway.
You have probably heard this before but even if the police have seemed nice and understanding be very aware that at the end of the day they want to secure a convinction. I am saying this from our experience as our family member was vulnerable ,under 18 years old with Autism and he did end up with a conviction. Many on this forum will say do not trust the police, no matter how nice they appear to be.
I am thinking of you and your son.
Just thought if you were interested in reading all the posts around Autism on this forum you can view these easily be putting in 'Autism' or 'Autistic' in the search box and it will bring up all the posts that mention these words.
If you are able to read through these you will probably gain lots of information that may be of use to you.
Take care of yourself the best you can.
If you are able to read through these you will probably gain lots of information that may be of use to you.
Take care of yourself the best you can.
I wanted to just say how sorry I am for this horrible situation. If justice is done then your son will be seen as a victim himself. It reminds me of 'cuckoo-ing' where people use the home of a vulnerable person for their drug dealing etc pretending that they want to be friends.
I endorse what Alison said about finding a good solicitor as in these exceptional circumstances the earlier there's intervention the better, before it goes too far down the road in terms of charging etc. A good solicitor can have dialogue with the police on your son's behalf and hopefully nip things in the bud. The police usually just want a conviction to help boost their statistics but I sincerely hope that in your case compassion trumps that. I'm glad that the police were kind initially (as they jolly well should be) and fingers crossed your experience of them continues like that.
Big hug sent x
I endorse what Alison said about finding a good solicitor as in these exceptional circumstances the earlier there's intervention the better, before it goes too far down the road in terms of charging etc. A good solicitor can have dialogue with the police on your son's behalf and hopefully nip things in the bud. The police usually just want a conviction to help boost their statistics but I sincerely hope that in your case compassion trumps that. I'm glad that the police were kind initially (as they jolly well should be) and fingers crossed your experience of them continues like that.
Big hug sent x
Your son is not a perpetrator, he is a victim of grooming, and should be treated as such. I can't believe the police aren't taking immediate action to track down these vile individuals who have taken advantage of your son's disabilities. I would have hoped you would be eligible for legal aid as , in my opinion, your son is a victim too.
Thank you everyone.
We haven't really had chance to speak to the police about him being a victim as well as the duty solicitor advised to answer no comment to everything at this stage. So he hasn't explained any of how this came about.
It was only after he was released I've spoken in length with him and he's told me that his 'friends' ask for these photos and he doesn't like them but he doesn't want to have no friends. Exploring more into this it's clear grooming with them praising him, making him feel special etc.
It started when he was around 16 years old and within a few months they were asking for images. They provided him with links to sites and told him to download and send to them. So it seems they are using him as a middle man to stop their devices flagging up on these websites etc.
He didn't even realise they were real images when I've explored it with him and he's horrified now he knows this is real child abuse.
The police were great in handling him in the sense they allowed me into interview with him and discussed all the info with me. He had a capacity assessment 2 years ago and I was made his legal appointee at that point as he wasn't deemed fit to handle his finances so I guess they had no option when I showed them this paperwork really.
I am also cautious that they will likely want a conviction however so being careful. I really want to explain to them all that has happened and let them look into the grooming but the duty solicitor said at this point say nothing and wait for forensics. I hope that is the right advice. I will be appointing a different solicitor asap however with experience in Autism so thank you to the person who posted one.
Priority right now is dealing with social services fall out. I have a younger child also so that's going to be a minefield! At first they said my son can't come back to the house as there are under 18s present. I phoned adult social care and asked them to accommodate him as he cannot live independently and needs a carer and within an hour they decided he can come home after all. Funny how the rules change once they can't find a solution! Lots of rules in place about sleeping arrangements and supervision etc. common sense stuff so hoping they are happy with that when they do the full assessment.
I just never expected this to be my life and it's become this in the knock of a door.
We haven't really had chance to speak to the police about him being a victim as well as the duty solicitor advised to answer no comment to everything at this stage. So he hasn't explained any of how this came about.
It was only after he was released I've spoken in length with him and he's told me that his 'friends' ask for these photos and he doesn't like them but he doesn't want to have no friends. Exploring more into this it's clear grooming with them praising him, making him feel special etc.
It started when he was around 16 years old and within a few months they were asking for images. They provided him with links to sites and told him to download and send to them. So it seems they are using him as a middle man to stop their devices flagging up on these websites etc.
He didn't even realise they were real images when I've explored it with him and he's horrified now he knows this is real child abuse.
The police were great in handling him in the sense they allowed me into interview with him and discussed all the info with me. He had a capacity assessment 2 years ago and I was made his legal appointee at that point as he wasn't deemed fit to handle his finances so I guess they had no option when I showed them this paperwork really.
I am also cautious that they will likely want a conviction however so being careful. I really want to explain to them all that has happened and let them look into the grooming but the duty solicitor said at this point say nothing and wait for forensics. I hope that is the right advice. I will be appointing a different solicitor asap however with experience in Autism so thank you to the person who posted one.
Priority right now is dealing with social services fall out. I have a younger child also so that's going to be a minefield! At first they said my son can't come back to the house as there are under 18s present. I phoned adult social care and asked them to accommodate him as he cannot live independently and needs a carer and within an hour they decided he can come home after all. Funny how the rules change once they can't find a solution! Lots of rules in place about sleeping arrangements and supervision etc. common sense stuff so hoping they are happy with that when they do the full assessment.
I just never expected this to be my life and it's become this in the knock of a door.
I am so sorry that you find yourself here. I am also mom to my person and know what you are going through. I hope you are able to access the support and advice you and your son will need to navigate this journey. I do hope your son's vulnerability is taken into account during this part of the journey.
You have been given some wonderful advice in the responses so far and my message is to say you are not alone, there are so many lovely members here so please reach out if you need to.
Wishing you and your family well x
You have been given some wonderful advice in the responses so far and my message is to say you are not alone, there are so many lovely members here so please reach out if you need to.
Wishing you and your family well x
Post deleted
Thank you for that Daffodil. I guess I am being really naive to think if I just prove that he doesn't have the intellectual capacity of an adult this will all go away.
It is just breaking my heart. He hasn't got a clue what he's done. He has spent this week upset as he lost his favourite pebble and I caught him sat chatting to his teddy bear about why losing his pebble made him so sad. How can anyone look at him and think he is a danger to children.
It is just breaking my heart. He hasn't got a clue what he's done. He has spent this week upset as he lost his favourite pebble and I caught him sat chatting to his teddy bear about why losing his pebble made him so sad. How can anyone look at him and think he is a danger to children.
Updating this to say we are still waiting for the next step.
The wait feels like torture. I just don't know how this is going to end and it scares me.
The wait feels like torture. I just don't know how this is going to end and it scares me.
Hello Terrified Mum
I am sorry to hear you are still in limbo, I really feel for you and your son.
I can remember the long wait feeling like torture, but you and your son will get through this.
How are you both doing? I feel it is extra cruel as people on the autistic spectrum can generally suffer a lot of additional anxiety with uncertainty and not knowing how long they have to wait.
For me to get through the waiting I made sure I was prepared the best I could for the stages that lie ahead. Have you managed to get a good solicitor with understanding of your sons nuerodisabilities and vulnerabilities? I also felt comfort in preparing and writing up a character reference for the young member in our family explaning his vulnerabilities and how he innocently went down this dark path.....
During the long wait the young member in our family engaged with the Stop It Now charity and completed the young person's inform course with a trainer practitioner. This helped them immensely to understand how they had got into this awful mess and also understand the dangers of the internet generally and the law. Would your son be interested in doing this?
I am thinking of you, your son and the rest of your family. Sending you all lots of strength and kind thoughts while you are all in this limbo stage.
Remember to look after yourself, the best you can. x
I am sorry to hear you are still in limbo, I really feel for you and your son.
I can remember the long wait feeling like torture, but you and your son will get through this.
How are you both doing? I feel it is extra cruel as people on the autistic spectrum can generally suffer a lot of additional anxiety with uncertainty and not knowing how long they have to wait.
For me to get through the waiting I made sure I was prepared the best I could for the stages that lie ahead. Have you managed to get a good solicitor with understanding of your sons nuerodisabilities and vulnerabilities? I also felt comfort in preparing and writing up a character reference for the young member in our family explaning his vulnerabilities and how he innocently went down this dark path.....
During the long wait the young member in our family engaged with the Stop It Now charity and completed the young person's inform course with a trainer practitioner. This helped them immensely to understand how they had got into this awful mess and also understand the dangers of the internet generally and the law. Would your son be interested in doing this?
I am thinking of you, your son and the rest of your family. Sending you all lots of strength and kind thoughts while you are all in this limbo stage.
Remember to look after yourself, the best you can. x
Hi,
I'm so pleased I came across this. I am in the same circumstances with a member that is neurodiverse and been taken advantage of. They don't understand what they did wrong as it was a friend that sent them to them.
I've been asked for a sexual maturity rate test. I've researched hour after hour and have got no where.
They don't understand that this person can acheive great academic ability but no common sense or understanding of social situations and friendships.
I dont know what to do, it's making me ill x
I'm so pleased I came across this. I am in the same circumstances with a member that is neurodiverse and been taken advantage of. They don't understand what they did wrong as it was a friend that sent them to them.
I've been asked for a sexual maturity rate test. I've researched hour after hour and have got no where.
They don't understand that this person can acheive great academic ability but no common sense or understanding of social situations and friendships.
I dont know what to do, it's making me ill x
So sorry that you have had to join us on this dreadful journey.
My son also got into a mess due to social & sexual immaturity. The internet convinces them they have friends,when they are definitely not.
Please phone the helpline to pour out your worries. They and this forum,will help you immensely.
Best wishes for a compassionate outcome.
My son also got into a mess due to social & sexual immaturity. The internet convinces them they have friends,when they are definitely not.
Please phone the helpline to pour out your worries. They and this forum,will help you immensely.
Best wishes for a compassionate outcome.
Hi,
My person is autistic and also lacks social skills and sexual maturity, we think due to the autism and childhood trauma. He's absolutely spot on academically and very switched on in every other way so this journey is heartbreaking.
Xx
My person is autistic and also lacks social skills and sexual maturity, we think due to the autism and childhood trauma. He's absolutely spot on academically and very switched on in every other way so this journey is heartbreaking.
Xx
I'm going through the same my 19 ADHD n autistic son got pulled into a group and now is in trouble with the police. He is naive and easily led especially when they use the phrase I b your friend or yer U won't get in trouble. Police have been great with his condition and were amazing throughout the arrest and in custody. It's ripped out whole world apart. I have 3 other children so it's been chaos trying to get a place while I move out so he can move back to the family home with his nan.