Pregnancy and Social Services
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Hi all,
It's been a little while. Hope you're all coping.
Bit of background, we got the knock back in May, and my person's bail has been extended for the first time. We're looking at a lot (a lot) of IIOC, other illegal images and videos, in likely all categories but mostly Cat A.
My person is not my partner, they do not live with me however they are a relative. My husband and I had already discussed how we would handle contact if we were to have a child, and we both agreed that my person would have no contact with any child we have until they are 18 and can make the decision for themselves. That may change as time goes on, however that is what we agreed. Well, I've just found out I'm pregnant!
I had my first midwife appointment today, and disclosed very briefly about the situation, and our decision with the idea being that by us disclosing this early and being up front, aware of the risks and showing our understanding it will make it a bit easier, however I have no idea what happens next. They said they would refer us to the team to talk about it further, but I don't know what that means for us.
Has anyone had experience of this where your person isn't your partner and doesn't live with you?
Help appreciated!
Thanks as always
It's been a little while. Hope you're all coping.
Bit of background, we got the knock back in May, and my person's bail has been extended for the first time. We're looking at a lot (a lot) of IIOC, other illegal images and videos, in likely all categories but mostly Cat A.
My person is not my partner, they do not live with me however they are a relative. My husband and I had already discussed how we would handle contact if we were to have a child, and we both agreed that my person would have no contact with any child we have until they are 18 and can make the decision for themselves. That may change as time goes on, however that is what we agreed. Well, I've just found out I'm pregnant!
I had my first midwife appointment today, and disclosed very briefly about the situation, and our decision with the idea being that by us disclosing this early and being up front, aware of the risks and showing our understanding it will make it a bit easier, however I have no idea what happens next. They said they would refer us to the team to talk about it further, but I don't know what that means for us.
Has anyone had experience of this where your person isn't your partner and doesn't live with you?
Help appreciated!
Thanks as always
Hi Windchimes,
So sorry that you find yourself here. The place that absolutely no one wants to be.
We are in the same situation in that my person isn't my OH and we don't live with him. Due to the fact he has previously had contact with my children and my daughter is a similar to the age of the child he was discussing with a police decoy, SS were notified and started a Child in Need assessment (under section 17).
I was really wary of social services before we started the process. I was worried the process would be invasive and that we would be put under scrutiny as parents.
Our social worker called me first, talked through the process and arranged a time to come and visit us at home. On the home visit she asked us how we were, and asked questions about contact between our person and our children in the past, and since the arrest. We were able to reassure that there was no contact between our children and our person in line with current bail conditions.
SS wanted to be sure that our children had never previously come to any harm, and that we are protective parents and would ensure that they wouldn't be in a situation to come to harm in the future.
The SW then spent some time alone with our daughter and did a drawing exercise with her to see if she had ever had any negative experiences and she was satisfied that she hadn't.
She also went to see the children's bedrooms. I presume this is to check they have somewhere adequate to sleep.
We had to sign something to show we consented to the process as it is voluntary.
The whole visit took about 1 hour.
To complete the assessment she then contacted our GP (who according to the final report didn't reply - they are pretty rubbish so not surprised!). We requested that she didn't contact our daughter's school and instead we provided a screenshot of her attendance record and her end of year school report. She had to check this with her manager but they respected our wishes in the end.
We then didn't hear from them for a while until our SW called to arrange another appointment which we had to delay by a few weeks due to our/her holidays. Then she called a couple of days before the planned appointment to say the assessment was complete and she would drop the paperwork through our letterbox.
The final report said there was no further action needed as they were satisfied that we were aware of the risks and would protect our children. No idea why we had another home visit appointment and then it was cancelled, but I was just happy the process was concluded so didn't ask questions!
Throughout the process the SW was professional and kind and very attentive to our well-being, which was a pleasant surprise. I needn't have worried so much about it.
I hope you have a similarly smooth process as I'd imagine it's the last thing you need on top of being pregnant.
Good luck and take care!
So sorry that you find yourself here. The place that absolutely no one wants to be.
We are in the same situation in that my person isn't my OH and we don't live with him. Due to the fact he has previously had contact with my children and my daughter is a similar to the age of the child he was discussing with a police decoy, SS were notified and started a Child in Need assessment (under section 17).
I was really wary of social services before we started the process. I was worried the process would be invasive and that we would be put under scrutiny as parents.
Our social worker called me first, talked through the process and arranged a time to come and visit us at home. On the home visit she asked us how we were, and asked questions about contact between our person and our children in the past, and since the arrest. We were able to reassure that there was no contact between our children and our person in line with current bail conditions.
SS wanted to be sure that our children had never previously come to any harm, and that we are protective parents and would ensure that they wouldn't be in a situation to come to harm in the future.
The SW then spent some time alone with our daughter and did a drawing exercise with her to see if she had ever had any negative experiences and she was satisfied that she hadn't.
She also went to see the children's bedrooms. I presume this is to check they have somewhere adequate to sleep.
We had to sign something to show we consented to the process as it is voluntary.
The whole visit took about 1 hour.
To complete the assessment she then contacted our GP (who according to the final report didn't reply - they are pretty rubbish so not surprised!). We requested that she didn't contact our daughter's school and instead we provided a screenshot of her attendance record and her end of year school report. She had to check this with her manager but they respected our wishes in the end.
We then didn't hear from them for a while until our SW called to arrange another appointment which we had to delay by a few weeks due to our/her holidays. Then she called a couple of days before the planned appointment to say the assessment was complete and she would drop the paperwork through our letterbox.
The final report said there was no further action needed as they were satisfied that we were aware of the risks and would protect our children. No idea why we had another home visit appointment and then it was cancelled, but I was just happy the process was concluded so didn't ask questions!
Throughout the process the SW was professional and kind and very attentive to our well-being, which was a pleasant surprise. I needn't have worried so much about it.
I hope you have a similarly smooth process as I'd imagine it's the last thing you need on top of being pregnant.
Good luck and take care!
To add to what's already been said, if a decision is taken that an assessment needs to be completed (and it may not meet that threshold, depending on the closeness of your relative and the level of concern about him) it would be a pre birth assessment for your baby which is slightly different to a standard assessment.
Some local authorities won't do an assessment regardless of circumstance until your pregnancy hits a certain stage so that's also something to be aware of (sometimes not until 20 weeks), whereas other LA's will do it straight away
Some local authorities won't do an assessment regardless of circumstance until your pregnancy hits a certain stage so that's also something to be aware of (sometimes not until 20 weeks), whereas other LA's will do it straight away
Hey Pinksong,
Thank you so much for this, it's really helped explain the process!
Both me and my husband are very wary of Social Services, especially after reading the hell they have put some people through! However it sounds like you've had a better experience and that's good to hear.
We have no other children currently so I expect we'll either not meet the criteria yet to have an assessment or it could be slightly different as my person's offence was no contact, so I imagine it could come down to ages depicted in images as opposed to decoy ages, and we won't actually know that until my person is charged. They are currently on bail so we have a way to go yet. (Do you ever have a moment of just "how on earth did we get here" when discussing these things? Really makes it hit home all over again when talking about the impact on us I think!)
I hope our process is as smooth as yours has been, it seems like it's been relatively simple for you, even with older children so I'll keep my fingers crossed.
Potentially we will have a few assessments going off what IntheMoment has said about pre-birth as well, thank you as I wasn't sure about this!
It just all feels very messy and I can't help feeling like it puts a bit of a downer on what should be a wonderful and exciting time!
Thank you so much for this, it's really helped explain the process!
Both me and my husband are very wary of Social Services, especially after reading the hell they have put some people through! However it sounds like you've had a better experience and that's good to hear.
We have no other children currently so I expect we'll either not meet the criteria yet to have an assessment or it could be slightly different as my person's offence was no contact, so I imagine it could come down to ages depicted in images as opposed to decoy ages, and we won't actually know that until my person is charged. They are currently on bail so we have a way to go yet. (Do you ever have a moment of just "how on earth did we get here" when discussing these things? Really makes it hit home all over again when talking about the impact on us I think!)
I hope our process is as smooth as yours has been, it seems like it's been relatively simple for you, even with older children so I'll keep my fingers crossed.
Potentially we will have a few assessments going off what IntheMoment has said about pre-birth as well, thank you as I wasn't sure about this!
It just all feels very messy and I can't help feeling like it puts a bit of a downer on what should be a wonderful and exciting time!