Still full of anger
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Hoping you ladies can give me any advice. 13 months in, soon to be ex under RUI. I feel like I am full of poison, am so angry at life from the moment I wake up. I just can't get my head the fact around the person I trusted most has put myself and our child in this position. I've done the courses, joined a support group, having therapy, medication, tried yoga.....nothing seems to help! I know I'm grieving the loss of the future I thought I'd have, and all the implications of what will happen, but it's the white rage that's the problem! Anybody felt like this and managed to overcome it?
I have days like this too. But I also had days like this before the knock; I think it's menopause for me. A therapist told me that anger is fear, and that helped me consider the root causes for me.
sending you serenity!!!
x
sending you serenity!!!
x
Hi shattered
We're also 13 months in and my husband is also Rui, Iv stayed with my partner for now!! I also get days where I feel so angry at him and can feel like a rage in me. Iv woken up today just full of anxiety and no motivation, then I get mum guilt as it's the summer holidays and I just feel like I can't be bothered today. I just wish this whole thing could be over so we can get on with our life's
We're also 13 months in and my husband is also Rui, Iv stayed with my partner for now!! I also get days where I feel so angry at him and can feel like a rage in me. Iv woken up today just full of anxiety and no motivation, then I get mum guilt as it's the summer holidays and I just feel like I can't be bothered today. I just wish this whole thing could be over so we can get on with our life's
I e let a lot of angry go it does get easier after sentencing. The way I look at it is there's no point being angry all the time , the only person I was hurting was myself. I'm 8 months post sentencing and almost 3 years from the knock. At your stage I felt the exact same . I feel now he's lost his job , kids. Home , ca, future, most of his family and a marrige as we had our wedding booked too . I still have angry days , but just every now and then . I do direct it at him as I know we need to keep communicating. Give yourself a break , you'll get there I promise. X
Oh yes anger is very much a massive part of this journey.
Definitely anger but different. But I think all those on this forum feel anger.
I have to see the positives as my children are now safe and away from harm.
but fear for their future. Their education has been massively disrupted, when they are bringing home boyfriends and the family ask what does the father do ... what is the parents background. Who are they.... I see it with my family. My nieces are all asked who their boyfriends and girlfriends are. Who are the parents.
the burden of that being in the family history.
medically there are also real fears.
so not just anger. Pity for some. but also strength. I was blind to people. I believed them. Never again.
but I look forward to new relationships. And children who will be safe, secure, and resilient. I am working hard to give them that. They will need it when it gets out in our new location. They will be stigmatised. They will be excluded, some will not accept their background. Things like this dont stay secret. Even recently it was reported again due to developments with his situation. The power of google is there.
so i don't have time for anger. I will use it for the work I need to do to help the children.
In my children case, it will never go away. It will never be done.
But it will not define me. He isn't worth that level of impact.
I have to see the positives as my children are now safe and away from harm.
but fear for their future. Their education has been massively disrupted, when they are bringing home boyfriends and the family ask what does the father do ... what is the parents background. Who are they.... I see it with my family. My nieces are all asked who their boyfriends and girlfriends are. Who are the parents.
the burden of that being in the family history.
medically there are also real fears.
so not just anger. Pity for some. but also strength. I was blind to people. I believed them. Never again.
but I look forward to new relationships. And children who will be safe, secure, and resilient. I am working hard to give them that. They will need it when it gets out in our new location. They will be stigmatised. They will be excluded, some will not accept their background. Things like this dont stay secret. Even recently it was reported again due to developments with his situation. The power of google is there.
so i don't have time for anger. I will use it for the work I need to do to help the children.
In my children case, it will never go away. It will never be done.
But it will not define me. He isn't worth that level of impact.
I am angry all the time. I'm angry that in my late 50's I finally found my perfect partner, only he wasn't who I thought he was! I gave up my career, home, planned a wedding and now it's all gone. How dare he pretend to be loving and caring towards me and send me texts about how he's planning his suicide because he misses me so much!!!
he has ruined my secure retirement. Friends and family have stuck by me and he has absolutely no one. Weirdly that upsets me.
my anger fuels my desire to want him to be charged and punished but I don't think I will ever know because the police won't tell me because I'm not married to him.
he has ruined my secure retirement. Friends and family have stuck by me and he has absolutely no one. Weirdly that upsets me.
my anger fuels my desire to want him to be charged and punished but I don't think I will ever know because the police won't tell me because I'm not married to him.
I have a whole range of emotions, from self pity to physically wanting to hurt the person who's hurt me the most, my OH.
9 month in, no dates, I wasn't able to go into court first time as, PF have told me I'm a witness, to what I have no clue.
it's like living in limbo, not knowing if you feel anything, not understanding if you care anymore.
As much as I want to support my OH, I'm not sure if I'm strong enough anymore.
This is soul destroying, heart breaking and head exploding. Most of all I'm embarrassed and ashamed he could have such things in his possession.
Oh and top of this all, he won't speak about it, coz he gets mad. He's already said he's going not guilty all the way...... but........ what if??
9 month in, no dates, I wasn't able to go into court first time as, PF have told me I'm a witness, to what I have no clue.
it's like living in limbo, not knowing if you feel anything, not understanding if you care anymore.
As much as I want to support my OH, I'm not sure if I'm strong enough anymore.
This is soul destroying, heart breaking and head exploding. Most of all I'm embarrassed and ashamed he could have such things in his possession.
Oh and top of this all, he won't speak about it, coz he gets mad. He's already said he's going not guilty all the way...... but........ what if??
I 100% know how you feel. I am a ball of anger most days and the smallest thing sets me off.
I am nearly 9 months in, I thought the calm before the storm had come, until people started telling me he had been sending private pics and videos of me to people. 2 years ago when apparently all of this started also. So yet again the anger resurfaced.
It's hard not to feel anger I completely understand.
I have now cut ties apart from our kids, I am also not going to give him an extra charge for the " revenge porn" for my kids. As much as I hate the man they are my goal.
Do a boxing class it helps.
Xx
I am nearly 9 months in, I thought the calm before the storm had come, until people started telling me he had been sending private pics and videos of me to people. 2 years ago when apparently all of this started also. So yet again the anger resurfaced.
It's hard not to feel anger I completely understand.
I have now cut ties apart from our kids, I am also not going to give him an extra charge for the " revenge porn" for my kids. As much as I hate the man they are my goal.
Do a boxing class it helps.
Xx
Thanks ladies for all your responses. Things have moved on, and it's good news for the soon to be ex husband. Apparently although he confessed to the police there is no evidence and they have informed him that he is to " take this as a warning"?? He is extremely lucky as he was looking at a custodial. I should be feeling so, so grateful that there will be no repercussions regarding this for my son and I, like some of you have had to endure.
However, already he seems to have got a bit cocky at his good fortune, is wanting to buy a place of his own, meaning selling our jointly owned house and me having to leave the are as I couldn't afford anything here. Son is just 18 and in a gap year so technically an adult.
This has tipped me over the edge again, and I'm feeling now like I want revenge. I was with him for 30 years, and whilst I understand his wanting to get on with his life, I want to destroy his, the way he's destroyed mine! How has anybody forged ahead?
However, already he seems to have got a bit cocky at his good fortune, is wanting to buy a place of his own, meaning selling our jointly owned house and me having to leave the are as I couldn't afford anything here. Son is just 18 and in a gap year so technically an adult.
This has tipped me over the edge again, and I'm feeling now like I want revenge. I was with him for 30 years, and whilst I understand his wanting to get on with his life, I want to destroy his, the way he's destroyed mine! How has anybody forged ahead?
I totally understand your need for revenge!!! I can see that you're pleased he got away with it as this helps you and your son, but you wish he could be punished. Don't worry, the police said to me that if they don't get him this time, they'll get him next time. By then you'll be well away from him