Coping
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Hi,
Those with partners in prison - how are you coping?
my person has been in for over 6months now. I am used to the new normal but I just feel like a shell. I don't know if it's the grind dragging me down or the fact that i have a young child, but all I feel I do if support, support,support our friends and family and there is no room left for me. I think I have PTSD from the knock and subsequent events...I struggle to get to sleep most nights and have nightmares. I genuinely do not have time for counselling; any time I have is eaten up with childcare and trying to work to keep a roof over our heads. I am struggling to forgive the ongoing fallout of this as I have to face it every day. I feel like I have got the sharp end of the stick but then feel selfish and ridiculous as I am not the one in prison!! My partner and I are doing our best to support each other but he is very limited in what he can do his end.
I feel weak and like a failure for not coping better. I feel like those with partners in prison are doing a much better job than me. How are you all managing it? What is your secret??
wildflower x
Those with partners in prison - how are you coping?
my person has been in for over 6months now. I am used to the new normal but I just feel like a shell. I don't know if it's the grind dragging me down or the fact that i have a young child, but all I feel I do if support, support,support our friends and family and there is no room left for me. I think I have PTSD from the knock and subsequent events...I struggle to get to sleep most nights and have nightmares. I genuinely do not have time for counselling; any time I have is eaten up with childcare and trying to work to keep a roof over our heads. I am struggling to forgive the ongoing fallout of this as I have to face it every day. I feel like I have got the sharp end of the stick but then feel selfish and ridiculous as I am not the one in prison!! My partner and I are doing our best to support each other but he is very limited in what he can do his end.
I feel weak and like a failure for not coping better. I feel like those with partners in prison are doing a much better job than me. How are you all managing it? What is your secret??
wildflower x
Hi, My Oh isn't in prison but I just wanted to message to say don't be so hard on yourself, this is not a normally situation to be in and extremely difficult as well. Your doing amazing and I'm sure your little one is so thankful to have you as their mummy. Take every hour at a time when having a bad day and just remember it won't be like this forever. Always here if you want to chat. Sending hugs xxxx
Oh my lovely.
I think we all become single mums as we done gave the partner to support. Remainers or leavers.
I completely understand ( but I am a leaver) but we are the ones juggling work, childcare, bills. And a different normality.
I bet you are doing an amazing job so please don't be hard on yourself. People say to focus on you but I was the same, no time. Three years later still no time but stability for you and little one is key. Little steps but you are doing amazing
I think we all become single mums as we done gave the partner to support. Remainers or leavers.
I completely understand ( but I am a leaver) but we are the ones juggling work, childcare, bills. And a different normality.
I bet you are doing an amazing job so please don't be hard on yourself. People say to focus on you but I was the same, no time. Three years later still no time but stability for you and little one is key. Little steps but you are doing amazing
My oh is in prison has been there for nearly a year, it sucks. the new normal is a nightmare too and makes you resentful at times, nothing wrong with that but make sure you voice it. You do need to find time for you though just to help process emotions at the very least. I too have children so contacted children heard and seen to help the kids process too. Hold your head up lovely you got this xx
We are all unique in our management of the 'new normal' but each of us is doing our best. I try to remain in the present as I've come to realise this is the only moment I have and the only one I can control. I can't change what has happened nor do I have any control over what is to come.
On a timeline it sounds like we have similar situations. My husband is serving a custodial sentence to which he was remanded in January. Initially my world collapsed, the custodial sentence wasn't expected or recommended by anyone in defence or prosecution. I couldn't see how I would cope. It was a dark dark place. I took time off work, went to my GP for support and started to take antidepressants. My head was like a washing machine full of irrational thoughts, sleep was impossible and I dragged myself through each day. Two weeks into his sentence my husband suffered a heart attack. A complete bolt from the blue. I'm unsure what part of this journey has triggered a huge change in my thought process but it's been incredibly powerful.
I'm using the time to reflect on myself and develop my self awareness and strength. I've started to look for positives each day. I know it sounds very 'hippy' but it genuinely works. I stopped drinking as I realised this wasn't a healthy coping mechanism, I started to ensure I talked kindly to myself and spent time in self care. I'm not talking taking myself off to a SPA just simple things that bring me joy. I've realised through reflection that I've gone through my life 'caring for others, trying to fix others and trying to make sure everyone is ok. This has been to my detriment. I've started to use my voice and it's liberating to do so. Ashwagandha has become my new friend as has CBD, both keep my mental state calm should I feel overwhelmed. Podcasts and a moment listening to music also give me a sense of tranquility. I've ditched social media and rarely watch the news as both were having a negative impact on my mental well-being. I'm back at work, off my medication and I feel calmer than I've ever felt. Don't get me wrong, there are still moments where this isn't so but they pass. I read something recently that said all emotions, good and bad are part of being human and part of life, we need to accept them and move through them.
Be kind to yourself and acknowledge how well 'you are' doing xx
On a timeline it sounds like we have similar situations. My husband is serving a custodial sentence to which he was remanded in January. Initially my world collapsed, the custodial sentence wasn't expected or recommended by anyone in defence or prosecution. I couldn't see how I would cope. It was a dark dark place. I took time off work, went to my GP for support and started to take antidepressants. My head was like a washing machine full of irrational thoughts, sleep was impossible and I dragged myself through each day. Two weeks into his sentence my husband suffered a heart attack. A complete bolt from the blue. I'm unsure what part of this journey has triggered a huge change in my thought process but it's been incredibly powerful.
I'm using the time to reflect on myself and develop my self awareness and strength. I've started to look for positives each day. I know it sounds very 'hippy' but it genuinely works. I stopped drinking as I realised this wasn't a healthy coping mechanism, I started to ensure I talked kindly to myself and spent time in self care. I'm not talking taking myself off to a SPA just simple things that bring me joy. I've realised through reflection that I've gone through my life 'caring for others, trying to fix others and trying to make sure everyone is ok. This has been to my detriment. I've started to use my voice and it's liberating to do so. Ashwagandha has become my new friend as has CBD, both keep my mental state calm should I feel overwhelmed. Podcasts and a moment listening to music also give me a sense of tranquility. I've ditched social media and rarely watch the news as both were having a negative impact on my mental well-being. I'm back at work, off my medication and I feel calmer than I've ever felt. Don't get me wrong, there are still moments where this isn't so but they pass. I read something recently that said all emotions, good and bad are part of being human and part of life, we need to accept them and move through them.
Be kind to yourself and acknowledge how well 'you are' doing xx
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