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Another Distraught Mum

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Distraught_Smiles

Member since
August 2023

20 posts

Posted Tue August 29, 2023 9:14amReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Mon December 4, 2023 2:50pm

Distressed and pregnant

Member since
November 2020

1015 posts

Posted Tue August 29, 2023 12:50pmReport post

Hi,

I don't have any advice from a mother of someone who has offended as it was my partner in my situation. This section doesn't get as much traffic as the discussion and support section so it may be worth posting this into that section too.
There are several moms of teenage sons on here so you will find support from them.
Try to rest, eat and drink when you can.
This isn't a reflection of who your son is or how you are as parents. From your description it certainly sounds like he has been groomed. The world now is not the world we grew up in and sadly nothing has progressed in terms of protecting and supporting our young people as fast as technology has progressed.
There are courses out there for your son to do and for yourself too. Seek help from your gp if you need to, there's no shame in taking sleeping tablets or antidepressants if they might help you to cope through this. There is some information on the family and children section, a pinned post about family safety plans and I think it was Beyoncé who has posted good news about her stepson and received guidance from Lee on places to contact xxx

edel2020

Member since
March 2022

381 posts

Posted Tue August 29, 2023 5:46pmReport post

It might be worth considering whether your son has autism or aspergers. I'm not saying that he has, but social awkwardness is a sign and socially awkward boys and young men are at heightened risk of becoming addicted to the internet and to porn, because they find it easier to live in the online world, rather than the real world.

We thought my son might have aspergers, although it turned out that he didn't, but I don't regret asking for a diagnosis. So many people with autism or aspergers struggle for years, without ever getting diagnosed and it stops them from getting the help that they need.

Distraught_Smiles

Member since
August 2023

20 posts

Posted Tue August 29, 2023 9:08pmReport post

Post deleted by user


Edited Mon December 4, 2023 2:51pm

JulieM

Member since
July 2023

76 posts

Posted Tue August 29, 2023 11:44pmReport post

I'm so sorry to hear your son has been used and groomed by other children and possibly adults who have peddled both adult and child porn to him. He is a victim in his own right and should be treated as such. Perhaps he could be assessed by SS. If he is found to be on the spectrum and therefore vulnerable hopefully that might change things in the eyes of the law, and they might then focus on identifying the individuals who exposed your son to porn , and not see him as a perpetrator.

CM1256

Member since
December 2021

40 posts

Posted Thu August 31, 2023 9:09pmReport post

Hi Distraught Smiles,

Oh I can identify with all of the feelings you are having. Our son was 19 when we had a knock on our door but he was much younter when he had watched this porn. Highly intelligent, not a bad person. I keep asking myself where did we go wrong? We trusted him implicitly. We live in Ireland. The Gardai told us that the penalty would be less severe if our son was under 18 so I presume it is the same in the UK. Your son will be treated differently than if he was an adult, you will all get through this together. You have a long road ahead of you so take it one step at a time.

Try to stay strong and be kind to yourself. This forum is a great resource. It reminds you that you are not alone.

Sending hugs your way.