Sentencing - There Was No Hope
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I’ve only ever made one post on this forum which was back in February 2022 asking if there was any hope after receiving the knock. Sorry it's a long one. The police had been early in the morning and had taken my husband’s devices and I didn’t have much information as they said they couldn’t say much other than to tell him it was because of a conversation with someone on Snapchat. He said he genuinely did not understand why they were there and that he was happy to have them take his devices.
Later on, he admitted that he had relapsed with his pornography addiction and has been taking to people online and that he believed they were all adults. He has been viewing pornography since he was as young 10/11 years old to escape from the abuse by his dad in the family home. He went to live with his mum and I moved in with mine and life as we knew it was over.
We had been prepared for the searching of the devices to take a long time but they called him for an interview in May 2022 and said they had found nothing on his device apart from an email associated with the Snapchat account that had the conversation. As soon as the police had been to the house, he had been in therapy and said he wanted to be honest and in the interview showed him their copy of the conversation from November 2021 which was with an undercover police officer and he stated that he had beloved it was a role play as he had talked with many people online who did age play or fantasy role plays and whilst he wasn’t interested in age play, this person was talking to him so he went along with it.
The CPS decided to charge and initially it was two charges of attempted sexual communication which he decided to plead not guilty to at the magistrates court and so he had to also enter his plea at the crown court but the day before the plea hearing we were told that they added 6 more charges totalling 8 because whomever assessed the file at the CPS did not do so correctly. He was adamant that he wanted to plead not guilty and tell his side and so he pleaded not guilty at the Crown Court too in September 2022 and trial date was set for July 2023.
In that time he continued to work on himself and I’ll give it him that he really was addressing his traumatic childhood, attending therapy weekly, reading books and listening to podcasts, attending weekly addiction recovery meetings and I could really see a change in him and how he felt about himself. He has been honest and open and I have had access to the chats and full disclosure with the solicitor and barrister. In many ways this served as a wake up call and helped him really make the changes he needed to in his life which is amazing but obviously came at a great cost.
From September last year it seemed like July was so far away but it came and the trial lasted 4 days and the jury deliberated for over 5 hours and they couldn’t reach a unanimous decision so the judge asked for a majority verdict. He was found not guilty of 3 charges (the more serious ones of inciting and facilitating) and was found guilty of 3 counts of attempting sexual communication with a child and 1 causing a child to view as he had sent pictures of himself.
It was a shock as in my head they would either be all guilty or not guilty and the solicitor even said she didn’t understand how they found him guilty of the other 3 and then not on the inciting charge. The sentencing was set for today 31st August and he had a great pre sentence report where he was marked as low risk and they recommended a community order. He had character references from me, his mum, his sister and his therapist. He also wrote a letter to the judge and had a lot of mitigating factors (childhood abuse, mental health, it’s been almost two years since the offence was committed and no reoffending, first ever offence, all the work he’s been doing since the knock, safer lives etc).
He was given a 30 month custodial sentence (he will serve 15 months), 10 years SHPO and lifetime on the register. I have no idea what I was expecting but it was not that. I didn’t go to the sentencing but his mum did and she said she could tell as soon as the judge walked in. He didn’t pay attention to the sentencing report, hadn’t even read some of the Barrister’s representations from the day before or one of the references. He noted that my husband still maintains that he thought it wasn’t a child. But I don’t understand, was he now supposed to turn around and lie after going through a trial where that was his defense?
I’m lost for words and believe yes, he was reckless and foolish and has hurt me and our families and should face punishment after the jury’s verdict but I do not see how this sentence will help. Even in the sentencing report they mentioned that he has a support system, support groups he attends and therapy. That these measures he has in place would be more beneficial than prison.
He rang this evening and we got two minutes where he told me his prison number and where he was and our solicitor is arranging a visit for tomorrow. He was saying how sorry he is and how much he loves me and then the phone cut off.
I will say the legal team we had were fantastic and couldn’t have done more. They fought for him at every turn. I’m not sure if I can provide names on here but the firm we used was Olliers and the solicitor he had has been wonderful throughout. She has treated him like a human being and it felt like she was really on his side. The barrister was also great and he fought to have certain things clarified and really knew the details of the law.
I’ve had somewhat of an unhealthy obsession with reading this forum and stressing. I didn’t sleep at all last night so I’ll be off now but I’m happy to answer any questions that might help others going through the same situation later.
[img]blob:https://get-help.stopitnow.org.uk/43a39e2c-699d-43dc-8867-aaeebf72bdf4[/img]
Later on, he admitted that he had relapsed with his pornography addiction and has been taking to people online and that he believed they were all adults. He has been viewing pornography since he was as young 10/11 years old to escape from the abuse by his dad in the family home. He went to live with his mum and I moved in with mine and life as we knew it was over.
We had been prepared for the searching of the devices to take a long time but they called him for an interview in May 2022 and said they had found nothing on his device apart from an email associated with the Snapchat account that had the conversation. As soon as the police had been to the house, he had been in therapy and said he wanted to be honest and in the interview showed him their copy of the conversation from November 2021 which was with an undercover police officer and he stated that he had beloved it was a role play as he had talked with many people online who did age play or fantasy role plays and whilst he wasn’t interested in age play, this person was talking to him so he went along with it.
The CPS decided to charge and initially it was two charges of attempted sexual communication which he decided to plead not guilty to at the magistrates court and so he had to also enter his plea at the crown court but the day before the plea hearing we were told that they added 6 more charges totalling 8 because whomever assessed the file at the CPS did not do so correctly. He was adamant that he wanted to plead not guilty and tell his side and so he pleaded not guilty at the Crown Court too in September 2022 and trial date was set for July 2023.
In that time he continued to work on himself and I’ll give it him that he really was addressing his traumatic childhood, attending therapy weekly, reading books and listening to podcasts, attending weekly addiction recovery meetings and I could really see a change in him and how he felt about himself. He has been honest and open and I have had access to the chats and full disclosure with the solicitor and barrister. In many ways this served as a wake up call and helped him really make the changes he needed to in his life which is amazing but obviously came at a great cost.
From September last year it seemed like July was so far away but it came and the trial lasted 4 days and the jury deliberated for over 5 hours and they couldn’t reach a unanimous decision so the judge asked for a majority verdict. He was found not guilty of 3 charges (the more serious ones of inciting and facilitating) and was found guilty of 3 counts of attempting sexual communication with a child and 1 causing a child to view as he had sent pictures of himself.
It was a shock as in my head they would either be all guilty or not guilty and the solicitor even said she didn’t understand how they found him guilty of the other 3 and then not on the inciting charge. The sentencing was set for today 31st August and he had a great pre sentence report where he was marked as low risk and they recommended a community order. He had character references from me, his mum, his sister and his therapist. He also wrote a letter to the judge and had a lot of mitigating factors (childhood abuse, mental health, it’s been almost two years since the offence was committed and no reoffending, first ever offence, all the work he’s been doing since the knock, safer lives etc).
He was given a 30 month custodial sentence (he will serve 15 months), 10 years SHPO and lifetime on the register. I have no idea what I was expecting but it was not that. I didn’t go to the sentencing but his mum did and she said she could tell as soon as the judge walked in. He didn’t pay attention to the sentencing report, hadn’t even read some of the Barrister’s representations from the day before or one of the references. He noted that my husband still maintains that he thought it wasn’t a child. But I don’t understand, was he now supposed to turn around and lie after going through a trial where that was his defense?
I’m lost for words and believe yes, he was reckless and foolish and has hurt me and our families and should face punishment after the jury’s verdict but I do not see how this sentence will help. Even in the sentencing report they mentioned that he has a support system, support groups he attends and therapy. That these measures he has in place would be more beneficial than prison.
He rang this evening and we got two minutes where he told me his prison number and where he was and our solicitor is arranging a visit for tomorrow. He was saying how sorry he is and how much he loves me and then the phone cut off.
I will say the legal team we had were fantastic and couldn’t have done more. They fought for him at every turn. I’m not sure if I can provide names on here but the firm we used was Olliers and the solicitor he had has been wonderful throughout. She has treated him like a human being and it felt like she was really on his side. The barrister was also great and he fought to have certain things clarified and really knew the details of the law.
I’ve had somewhat of an unhealthy obsession with reading this forum and stressing. I didn’t sleep at all last night so I’ll be off now but I’m happy to answer any questions that might help others going through the same situation later.
[img]blob:https://get-help.stopitnow.org.uk/43a39e2c-699d-43dc-8867-aaeebf72bdf4[/img]
Limbo
I am so truly sorry for the outcome , sending strength and hugs to you xx
It is such a huge shock for you all but please be assured he will be ok as daunting as the first few days will be he will be safe
Have you got support around you?
I know you will be in complete shock but please reach out to us if you need any support or advice
My son was given a lengthy sentence so I can offer some advice on surving these early days
There are a few of us here that have loved ones who are in prison so we understand just how you are feeling
Be kind to yourself also please feel free to message me if you need anything xx
I am so truly sorry for the outcome , sending strength and hugs to you xx
It is such a huge shock for you all but please be assured he will be ok as daunting as the first few days will be he will be safe
Have you got support around you?
I know you will be in complete shock but please reach out to us if you need any support or advice
My son was given a lengthy sentence so I can offer some advice on surving these early days
There are a few of us here that have loved ones who are in prison so we understand just how you are feeling
Be kind to yourself also please feel free to message me if you need anything xx
I am so sorry for your persons outcome, my person also had a lengthy sentence passed down too, whereby the judge didn't look at any of the mitigating circumstances or reports etc, just made the judgement (probably didn't get to have his morning coffee) even the barrister and solicitor was shocked by the sentence.
I am sending you so much love and strength right now and pray you manage to get some sleep, it will do you the world of good especially before you see him.
I hope your visit goes well and if you want to talk please message me on here and I'll give you my details xxx
I am sending you so much love and strength right now and pray you manage to get some sleep, it will do you the world of good especially before you see him.
I hope your visit goes well and if you want to talk please message me on here and I'll give you my details xxx
Hi limbo - I'm here too x much like Upset my son is serving a long custodial xxxxxx
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Gosh, Limbo, I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. It is so shocking that they gave your husband this sentence and that the judge was unprepared and ruthless in his approach.
Hugs
Hugs
Thank you all so much for your messages and offers of support and wishing me well. It all just does not feel real and it's like I'm in someone else's body.
Some of you asked if I have support and yes I've been very lucky. I'm currently at his mums with his sister and fiancé who know what's going on. His mum and I will just have moments where we cry together and it's awful but it does help a little. I told my sister about the sentencing outcome yesterday and she was shocked as well and has really been so supportive and checking in on me. I also have one friend who knows everything and she has been checking in on me too.
I hope you're all as okay as can be and that you have a good weekend.
Parkerpoo1, I'm so sorry today is an especially hard day for you and hope you're able to get through it okay.
Thank you all xoxo
Some of you asked if I have support and yes I've been very lucky. I'm currently at his mums with his sister and fiancé who know what's going on. His mum and I will just have moments where we cry together and it's awful but it does help a little. I told my sister about the sentencing outcome yesterday and she was shocked as well and has really been so supportive and checking in on me. I also have one friend who knows everything and she has been checking in on me too.
I hope you're all as okay as can be and that you have a good weekend.
Parkerpoo1, I'm so sorry today is an especially hard day for you and hope you're able to get through it okay.
Thank you all xoxo