Telling friends
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Hi everyone
I have kept this awful situation to myself for 18 months. Only telling my Mum recently. She has been amazing.
My oh has been charged and so i needed to be honest with my nearest and dearest.
It has been eating away at me, every night and day.
I was avoiding friends so not to 'deceive'. That in itself was taking me to the edge.
Today, i sent them a message (couldn't muster up courage to verbalise it all). I explained how precious their friendship is to me and that i hated the deceit.
Well....absolutely anazing/true friends. They have all been so amazing and supportive and strangely, understanding.
I cannot begin to express the relief of releasing a huge burden/weight off my mind
I know so clearly how difficult it is to tell, 18 mths is a ridiculous amount of time to keep awake at night. I just wanted to let you know that for me it feels like a healing is beginning for me and i hope that others may resonate. X
I have kept this awful situation to myself for 18 months. Only telling my Mum recently. She has been amazing.
My oh has been charged and so i needed to be honest with my nearest and dearest.
It has been eating away at me, every night and day.
I was avoiding friends so not to 'deceive'. That in itself was taking me to the edge.
Today, i sent them a message (couldn't muster up courage to verbalise it all). I explained how precious their friendship is to me and that i hated the deceit.
Well....absolutely anazing/true friends. They have all been so amazing and supportive and strangely, understanding.
I cannot begin to express the relief of releasing a huge burden/weight off my mind
I know so clearly how difficult it is to tell, 18 mths is a ridiculous amount of time to keep awake at night. I just wanted to let you know that for me it feels like a healing is beginning for me and i hope that others may resonate. X
Hi Grapefruit / glad you've had a good response from your friends and feel a burdon has been lifted off your shoulders...... that's always good.
I had a mixed response from people I knew. Some people got in touch and when I didn't give details of what my son had done, I never heard from them again, obviously just being nosey. I had one friend who was so called 'close' just didn't want to know - that hurt.
Other friends from my past have got in touch and been an absolutely fantastic support, I'd become a bit of a hermit - they insisted we meet up and we've restarted our relationships. It really was a mixed response.
I'd just advise people to be cautious who you tell.
I had a mixed response from people I knew. Some people got in touch and when I didn't give details of what my son had done, I never heard from them again, obviously just being nosey. I had one friend who was so called 'close' just didn't want to know - that hurt.
Other friends from my past have got in touch and been an absolutely fantastic support, I'd become a bit of a hermit - they insisted we meet up and we've restarted our relationships. It really was a mixed response.
I'd just advise people to be cautious who you tell.
Grapefruit - so pleased that you feel the weight of carrying all this is a bit lighter now you've told some people, I found it really hard at first NOT to tell people - I'm an over sharer by nature so it felt all wrong to be secretive. I did tell someone who had shared with me some personal issues and who I thought was destined to become a good friend (we're new to this area) and although she made all the right noises at the time, she's now gone AWOL. I got that wrong.
Several months down the line and I now have no compulsion to tell anyone and those who know and are supportive are wonderful and enough. Being newcomers to our street though, whereas the old me would have reached out to neighbours to forge a few bonds, I keep people at arm's length as I want to remain anonymous. I'm learning to be a bit standoffish.
Several months down the line and I now have no compulsion to tell anyone and those who know and are supportive are wonderful and enough. Being newcomers to our street though, whereas the old me would have reached out to neighbours to forge a few bonds, I keep people at arm's length as I want to remain anonymous. I'm learning to be a bit standoffish.
Grapefruit, that's smashing to hear and thank you for sharing.
I have not had the confidence yet to do this but your post has given me hope.
well done on being brave and letting yourself heal
xx
I have not had the confidence yet to do this but your post has given me hope.
well done on being brave and letting yourself heal
xx
Grapefruit,
Well done you.
Well done you.
Well done for being open. If they're true friends there'll be no judgment.
True friends do not judge, they listen and offer support and unconditional love.
I told my closest friend everything, she is suportive and loving and caring, she listens she never judges me and she supports my decisions, she will offer advice but never expects me to take that advice. I would be lost without her in my life.
I told my closest friend everything, she is suportive and loving and caring, she listens she never judges me and she supports my decisions, she will offer advice but never expects me to take that advice. I would be lost without her in my life.
Hi Grapefruit and everyone,
I too waited about 18 months to tell people. It's a heavy burden to bear, especially when you keep the facade that everything 's 'fine', but inside you're screaming. Keeping his dirty secret for so long made me feel complicit in his crime, even though I knew I was a victim of sorts too. We're the collateral damage. I've been blessed with the most amazing, dear friends including neighbours, and when I slowly started opening up to people they rallied round and have supported me.
I think you have to think very carefully about who you tell. My biggest worry was telling people who may have been abused and the thought my story might trigger them. That's happened a few times, sadly.
Telling people has been very healing, and I have loads of support which has been humbling. I hope you and others who decide to open up find the experience healing too.
I too waited about 18 months to tell people. It's a heavy burden to bear, especially when you keep the facade that everything 's 'fine', but inside you're screaming. Keeping his dirty secret for so long made me feel complicit in his crime, even though I knew I was a victim of sorts too. We're the collateral damage. I've been blessed with the most amazing, dear friends including neighbours, and when I slowly started opening up to people they rallied round and have supported me.
I think you have to think very carefully about who you tell. My biggest worry was telling people who may have been abused and the thought my story might trigger them. That's happened a few times, sadly.
Telling people has been very healing, and I have loads of support which has been humbling. I hope you and others who decide to open up find the experience healing too.