Success Stories?
Notifications OFF
Hi, Has anyone here fgot any success stories of coming out of the other side with social services? At the moment my husband is not allowed in the house, he can have supervised access with other family members but not with me, and no phone or text contact. We have a Child Protection Conference booked for 22nd July. Any hints, tips, or advice? Thanks x
Hi,
I finally feel like I am getting somewhere with social services however my children were under the child in need status. How far along are you in the process and then I can try with some tips?
Social services have been the worst part of this whole thing for me
I finally feel like I am getting somewhere with social services however my children were under the child in need status. How far along are you in the process and then I can try with some tips?
Social services have been the worst part of this whole thing for me
Hi
sorry, this isn’t a success story, but can’t i ask why SS are involved? I’ve not heard anything from them...
I hope you’re soon out of the other side x
sorry, this isn’t a success story, but can’t i ask why SS are involved? I’ve not heard anything from them...
I hope you’re soon out of the other side x
We are living as a family again now but were only ever at child in need level and I supervised access before conviction. Social services were a nightmare but our case is now closed. It's very hard for social services to know who is a danger and who isn't, it takes time and input from many people. If you haven't already, speak to the police officer, ask them from a child protection point of view do you need to know anything, is your partner a danger/real potential risk to your kids. Have a read of parents protect website and educate yourself as much as you can about what he has done and that type of offence. Be confident in knowing how you will protect your children from the risk of sexual abuse, all eyes are on you as the protective parent. It's ok to ask why you cannot supervise, don't get angry or upset, ask for facts. Write them down and think about them and how you can change/deal with the issues raised. If it's your first child protection conference I highly recommend taking someone with you, I'm so glad I did, someone who can take minutes for you and make your own notes during the meeting also. My partners was a communication offence not images, but I made sure I learned about all of it. The helpline are great for advice. Think about what you want, I was always honest from the start with social services that we intended to remain a family, but be careful if that is what you want that you are not blind to offence/issues.
Thank you. We're not far in. Knock was on 13th June, quick because my husband had been in contact with an undercover officer acting as a 13 year old girl ???? He's maintained he thought he was talking to an adult and was being 'played'. I feel sick about the whole thing. But the investigating officer told me that in his opinion he is not a paedophile and has no sexual interest in kids. He was unbelievably stupid and will have to face the consequences, as we all will.
The SW is inexperienced, only been in the job 12 months and has immediately escalated it to a CP conference. I'm not allowed to supervise because I echoed what the police said that I didn't consider him to be a risk to my children ???? He's a fantastic dad and we have 2 happy, healthy, bright kids aged 15 and 8. They're now going to be spoken to alone, 1 at school another at a nearby contact centre, to establish whether there has been any abuse. After her first brief meeting she spoke to them alone then and said she could see no issues, theyre both obviously very happy, and now this.
Who did you take with you to the conference to make notes etc? A solicitor? I just don't know what to do. At the moment I'd like him to be able to be a dad again, the effect on the kids is heartbreaking. As for us, right now I don't know. I'm torn between the great dad and man I married to thinking I deserve better and can I ever forget it? Whatever he was doing on that chat site he wasn't thinking about us and our seemingly happy marriage then. And now it's blown our family apart and it could get worse before it gets better depending on court and media etc. I also have moments when I feel so desperately sorry for him, he's lost everything overnight
But so have we, and we didn't do anything wrong.
My daughter aged 15 will be invited to the conference and she says she wants to go if it will help get daddy home.
Sorry for the long post, happy for any advice xx
The SW is inexperienced, only been in the job 12 months and has immediately escalated it to a CP conference. I'm not allowed to supervise because I echoed what the police said that I didn't consider him to be a risk to my children ???? He's a fantastic dad and we have 2 happy, healthy, bright kids aged 15 and 8. They're now going to be spoken to alone, 1 at school another at a nearby contact centre, to establish whether there has been any abuse. After her first brief meeting she spoke to them alone then and said she could see no issues, theyre both obviously very happy, and now this.
Who did you take with you to the conference to make notes etc? A solicitor? I just don't know what to do. At the moment I'd like him to be able to be a dad again, the effect on the kids is heartbreaking. As for us, right now I don't know. I'm torn between the great dad and man I married to thinking I deserve better and can I ever forget it? Whatever he was doing on that chat site he wasn't thinking about us and our seemingly happy marriage then. And now it's blown our family apart and it could get worse before it gets better depending on court and media etc. I also have moments when I feel so desperately sorry for him, he's lost everything overnight
But so have we, and we didn't do anything wrong.
My daughter aged 15 will be invited to the conference and she says she wants to go if it will help get daddy home.
Sorry for the long post, happy for any advice xx
I know that child protection is higher than child in need so I don't know exactly what the meetings may entail but this is my advice so far.
1. Get used to accepting initially that there may not be a lot of progress for a while. I know this seems like a negative point but it's been the thing that caused me so much upset, where now we are near the end they are making massive leaps forward.
2. Take someone to the meetings and to be present when they speak to the children, see the children etc. I took my mum as I was very emotional at the start. My mum is a lawyer by profession but anyone who can be that impartial figure is good.
3. Tell them that he is could pose a risk to children, even if you don't believe this, they want to hear that because they want to be reassured you will take the right steps
4.think about how your life as a family will have to change to accommodate the change in circumstances, for me my boys are young so there was qute a lot of things we could demonstrate.
5.dont be afraid to fight for what you believe is right keeping a level head while you do.
6. Try and talk to your partner as much as you can as to where this behavior starts from, seek counsellor help yourself and maybe for the children too. Understanding the cycle of behavior does help you to deal with it but also to demonstrate to them that you are working as a team to get through this.
7. If you can get on any courses like inform do so.
8.lastly a self care tip throughout the battle, your children have never been highlighted to them prior to this, I bet school etc will sit in these meetings and have nothing to add. Take heart from that and remember that you've done that! I've definitely had periods where I've felt like a dreadful mother only to be reminded that nursery and the health visitor aren't even bothered. The health visitor doesn't even visit!! Also although at the time it feels the longest process it will come to a close. They can't keep involved forever. Set the nicest plan in your head for the day they close the case - mine is the largest gin I can get my hands on!
1. Get used to accepting initially that there may not be a lot of progress for a while. I know this seems like a negative point but it's been the thing that caused me so much upset, where now we are near the end they are making massive leaps forward.
2. Take someone to the meetings and to be present when they speak to the children, see the children etc. I took my mum as I was very emotional at the start. My mum is a lawyer by profession but anyone who can be that impartial figure is good.
3. Tell them that he is could pose a risk to children, even if you don't believe this, they want to hear that because they want to be reassured you will take the right steps
4.think about how your life as a family will have to change to accommodate the change in circumstances, for me my boys are young so there was qute a lot of things we could demonstrate.
5.dont be afraid to fight for what you believe is right keeping a level head while you do.
6. Try and talk to your partner as much as you can as to where this behavior starts from, seek counsellor help yourself and maybe for the children too. Understanding the cycle of behavior does help you to deal with it but also to demonstrate to them that you are working as a team to get through this.
7. If you can get on any courses like inform do so.
8.lastly a self care tip throughout the battle, your children have never been highlighted to them prior to this, I bet school etc will sit in these meetings and have nothing to add. Take heart from that and remember that you've done that! I've definitely had periods where I've felt like a dreadful mother only to be reminded that nursery and the health visitor aren't even bothered. The health visitor doesn't even visit!! Also although at the time it feels the longest process it will come to a close. They can't keep involved forever. Set the nicest plan in your head for the day they close the case - mine is the largest gin I can get my hands on!
Thanks confused, hope you get to enjoy that very large gin soon :)
The SW is speaking to my kids next week, her and another trained children's sw. I'm not allowed to be present. She said they need to know how to safeguard themselves against their dad. I've already given my daughter an outline of what's happened as she's older. But my 8nyear old knows nothing yet. I'll have to say something as she said she will be telling him some think, like daddy has done something bad and that's why we need to talk to you. It seems barbaric to me ????
The SW is speaking to my kids next week, her and another trained children's sw. I'm not allowed to be present. She said they need to know how to safeguard themselves against their dad. I've already given my daughter an outline of what's happened as she's older. But my 8nyear old knows nothing yet. I'll have to say something as she said she will be telling him some think, like daddy has done something bad and that's why we need to talk to you. It seems barbaric to me ????
Hi Maria
Do you think ss deal with communication conviction differently to viewing images? How old are your children? I'm glad your case is closed and you can start moving forward x
Do you think ss deal with communication conviction differently to viewing images? How old are your children? I'm glad your case is closed and you can start moving forward x
I dont know if they deal with it differently. We dealt with a few different social workers and their attitude and way of dealing with things was all different in terms of process(it shouldn't have been). I think they take each case individually as no two families are the same and the offences differ alot. I'd imagine it's harder to show you are not a paedophile with images or grooming than with one conversation. We are luckily with where we live in terms of support available to my partner. Our kids are under 10, I did a lot of social services work for them and I was open and honest with them the whole way through. It's very difficult with social services because no one can tell you what to do, anyone can follow instruction and that doesn't help proving if you are a protective parent. There are many factors that gave us our positive outcome, he still cannot be left home alone with kids or take them out alone but life is better and the kids are happy that daddy is home.
How long did it take you to be living as a family again Maria? x
Thanks Maria. I'm glad it sounds like things are getting easier for you. Luckily I do have a few positives that will help with ss and I'm looking into getting a solicitor so they can explain things better etc. X
I was about 8 months from arrest to him living back home, so around 8 weeks after conviction because the risk assessments etc were all redone etc.
Whatnow - it's hard when emotions change all the time.
Im still the same with changing my mind so many times. I'm so cross about it all yet I'm trying to keep him positive as I need him to be in work for the money. Selfish as it sounds but me and the children need the income. I work but the bills are a lot and I cant cut back on any more.
The weird thing is though that ss want people like us to separate but if that happened then how does access get done. I mean people who normally separate then usually the dad has the kids at weekends etc. How can you do that if he cant have unsupervised access which then makes it weird when people wonder why he has to come to you to see kids and cant go out on his own. That's when people question
Im still the same with changing my mind so many times. I'm so cross about it all yet I'm trying to keep him positive as I need him to be in work for the money. Selfish as it sounds but me and the children need the income. I work but the bills are a lot and I cant cut back on any more.
The weird thing is though that ss want people like us to separate but if that happened then how does access get done. I mean people who normally separate then usually the dad has the kids at weekends etc. How can you do that if he cant have unsupervised access which then makes it weird when people wonder why he has to come to you to see kids and cant go out on his own. That's when people question
I understand it's hard for ss too but they just base their conclusion on what has happened. You dont know what goes on in someone's head if viewing images however I would expect that when its communication then they have more of a idea of the person's intentions especially if they agree to meet a minor etc.