Family and Friends Forum

My heart goes out to you devestatedmum. I don't have children but I've certainly asked myself some of those same questions about not loving him enough, why wasn't I enough so I do emphathise with that. I don't think we'll ever have the answers. Take care xx

All the questions I've asked xx

horrible isn't it.

so sad and tragic. Hugs to you xx

Your post is heartbreaking and resonates even though I don't have children.

It's the whys that haunt us all.

I truly think they didn't think about anything when they did what they did. Not the consequences. Not the pain it would cause. Not the terror of the poor children groomed and abused. Not the fall out. Nothing.

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My heart goes out to you devastatedmum.

I'm sure you're doing a brilliant job caring for your children when you've been dealt this terrible blow.

I feel like you.. why?

I'm retired, we had a wonderful life,daughter and grandson. Just 11days ago we get the knock. 7 30am.

Every hope,dream,retirement plans and even the possible that our lovely bungalow which we build will need selling if we go our separate ways. I don't think I can ever get over this and move on, I thought we were deeply in love, now its separate bedrooms. I think every night how good it would be if I just fell asleep and didn't wake up. But my daughter and grandson need me!. I feel so so heartbroken.

I send love to you all x

Bee..... I think some of our circumstances may be similar. I too am retired. I am wary of posting publicly but do feel free to private message me if you would like to?

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I read your heartbroken post and totally relate. It is my youngest son who has offended. He was convicted 3 years ago of downloading and making of videos illegally . He is autistic, has no friends and is socially unable to communicate with anyone except me and his dad.He spent 18 months in prison. To say we were devastated is an understatement. He came out in Feb this year on license and on probation. Before he went to prison we paid for private therapy for him to understand what he had done. My son seems,to have no emotions or empathy to the people he has hurt including us. He had no help in prison and was locked up 23 hours per day. No courses or help on sex offending. I wrote to the governer and head of reoffending but the did not even reply. My son came out as I said and we felt positive. We were trying to get him a flat and helping him to move on. Two weeks later came another knock. The police again. He has been doing it again , this time talking to people online except one was an undercover policeman. To cut a long story short he has been sent back to prison for 3 years . This time it was all over the Internet and in the papers. I dont know how much more I can take. I cry all the time. Jump off the bus or cross over if I see anyone I know. My son has expressed no remorse or even said sorry. He seems like he is two people. My big gentle son and this vile internet offender. I have 2 other kids who now hate him. But I just want to understand why. We love him so much. I try to hate him but he is still my son. My family have told me to cut all ties with him. I am terrified they say its him or us. I don't know what to do.

Remember just getting through a day, each day, is a win. Celebrate yourself for making it though each one.

I've come to realise that; I am all the enough, I need. I remind myself of that when the overwhelm & loneliness of loss hit me. It doesn't help at all, but it helps it pass quicker than before.

And thats after growing up in an abusive home & learning "it was all my fault" - finally I'm managing to unlearn that to an extent. After taking my time to choose a spouse more wisely & then ending up in this situation anyway - I'm learning you can spend a lifetime knowing a person, yet never really know all of them, unless they choose to let you see it.

I'm going to have to love on myself enough to get me through this. Not something I've been able to do before, but I have to try.

No clichés, it's hell but if I need to embrace it to get through it, then I guess hell is my new home.. same for you. You might not feel like you can, it may seem impossible, it quite possibly is at times, but if you can tell yourself anything to get through the day, or tell yourself nothing and work on resigned autopilot then you still got through lt. It's still a win for you. 1 day at a time.. then the next day, & so on.

Sending you love to make it through the day xx