Family and Friends Forum

Hi @Dragonmama. This is something i keep wondering too! There hasn't been any talks of any assessments for me yet, but keep telling me i'm not able to supervise my children alone and need to continue with a third party present as i'm "naive".. yet i have done courses galore, read so many books, done work with my children, researched so much and still it isn't good enough.

I'm so sorry they are putting so much pressure on you. And i completely agree with feeling judged. They have no sympathy towards us as innocent parties including the children and its just not acceptable!! - Can you refuse the assessment? Why are they a year after being involved only just wanting to proceed with these now? I hope you're doing ok despite all of this. Sending love. Hang on in there. X

After reading this post I think they are doing these assessments without making me aware they are. Is that allowed

Dragonmama, I'm not at this stage yet so have no experience of assessments but, SS should be trauma informed and have a understanding of the impact this has on you. I think you would be well within your right to say that, if they already have details of your history they do not have to take further notes, to do so would cause you significant distress and be detrimental to you. Maybe they could just ask specific questions that they need further info on.

Ultimately I believe their role should be to support you and your kids, and build relationships. But the social workers can be so varied, our first was lovely, the second one is a nightmare and our case isn't even open. She really had no clue about anything and kept referring back to the police about everything. Her and the police (being a*holes) gave me shingles!!!!

You'd think they would be more sympathetic and actually support you through this and make allowances. Could you ask for a list of questions beforehand? And maybe have pre written answers? I don't know whether that would be helpful for you. I just don't think they have any idea what it is like to be on the receiving end of SS.

You'd think they would be more sympathetic and actually support you through this and make allowances. Could you ask for a list of questions beforehand? And maybe have pre written answers? I don't know whether that would be helpful for you. I just don't think they have any idea what it is like to be on the receiving end of SS.

Dragonmama

May be I am naive or a bit thick or something but I fail to see how information about past jobs and relationships enables Social services to assess your protectiveness. I mean, they are social workers, not qualified psychologists. I can't help but think that it's unlikely to be objective. I do hope it's not like one of those questionnaires you get in magazines where you get points for different types of answers, and it gives a score for you. As human beings, we are all far more complicated than that!

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Hello,

Does anyone know if you have to have these assessments if the children aren't your partners?

My person is not my partner, we do not live together but they are family. I am expecting currently and my midwife is referring me to family services as I have made them aware of our situation. I just want to know if I'll be subject to these same (awful!) Assessments or potentially if I'll get something a little lighter given the child is not my person's child, but a relation of them.

Any info would definitely be appreciated!

And also Dragonmamma, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Part of the reason for my question is reading so many of your and others' experiences with SS regarding the children, it's awful what they put families through, I understand the necessity but completely get why it must feel like you're on trial too!

I hope they listen and refer to your records rather than doing full assessments for you, I can't imagine the disruption and toll it must take. Look after yourself xx