Respect
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Hi All, I really need your support. 10 months since the knock and 6 weeks since court, I, like many of you, I'm sure, am all over the place. I have stayed with him since we have young children together, who adore him, but I know people are judging me (they've told me so, don't you just love the Internet?) and I have lost a lot of respect in the local community because I haven't kicked him out. Those close to me know I come from a broken home, which broke my heart, and I don't want to do the same to my children (having said this, I am not at all judgemental of people that do decide to split, I may yet reach that stage). Plus, of course, money is in very short supply as he lost his job as a result of a press article. I cannot leave our children alone with him, so I have zero social life at the moment and no money to boot. Please tell me it gets better or at least easier. Just when I feel I'm at rock bottom, I fall yet further, then there is an upward trajectory, before I fall again. So much has happened in a short time, I believe it is called the snowball effect. My little family is so precious to me,but I want the shame and heartache to go away and at times I just want to grab my children and run as far away as possible, but I can't because of school and again,lack of money. Virtual hugs, anything you have, I'll be very grateful! I'm sure the helpline must be sick of me by now!
Hi Crystal
You poor lady, it makes me so mad that other people think it's okay to say what they like about our situations.
I say, unless you have walked in our shoes you can't have an opinion because you can't possibly understand how we are feeling, the emotions. It's never cut and dry whether you stay or go. I left my husband but I still had my heart broken, which I'm not sure will ever recover! I still love the man I thought he was, I still miss that man, I don't however, miss the person he's become and I certainly don't love him as he's a stranger to me!
I'm 15 months in and yes it does get better, you recover from the lows quicker but the lows are still there, you still have days where the silliest of things set you off but you know, you still have your kid's and no one has died so there is a silver lining to our black cloud.
Just take each day as it comes, keep coming on here and take care of you, make sure you're not always last!!
Xx
You poor lady, it makes me so mad that other people think it's okay to say what they like about our situations.
I say, unless you have walked in our shoes you can't have an opinion because you can't possibly understand how we are feeling, the emotions. It's never cut and dry whether you stay or go. I left my husband but I still had my heart broken, which I'm not sure will ever recover! I still love the man I thought he was, I still miss that man, I don't however, miss the person he's become and I certainly don't love him as he's a stranger to me!
I'm 15 months in and yes it does get better, you recover from the lows quicker but the lows are still there, you still have days where the silliest of things set you off but you know, you still have your kid's and no one has died so there is a silver lining to our black cloud.
Just take each day as it comes, keep coming on here and take care of you, make sure you're not always last!!
Xx
This is something I struggled with in my mind- the judgement of others. The fact is the majority of these people don't know you, they don't know your drivers for doing what you are doing, it's also none of their business. There will always be those who to give their opinion and think it is valid (as they believe they have a clue about what they would do - ha!), but this little precious family is yours and you are taking your time to make decisions that will have an effect on your family.
So much has been taken out of your control by what he has done - you need to do what you feel or think is right. Sometimes that is take immediate action and leave. Some times people stay. Sometimes you just need time - you invested a lot in this already. This is your life and your kids lives - not theirs.
It's difficult. This is such a learning process, it's a sensory overload. I have wanted to run. Sometimes I still do. I am finding more reasons to stay but everyones experience is different. I just wish I had some concise helpful words to make things better. I am sticking my finger up at the window. Hopefully someone somewhere notices. xx
So much has been taken out of your control by what he has done - you need to do what you feel or think is right. Sometimes that is take immediate action and leave. Some times people stay. Sometimes you just need time - you invested a lot in this already. This is your life and your kids lives - not theirs.
It's difficult. This is such a learning process, it's a sensory overload. I have wanted to run. Sometimes I still do. I am finding more reasons to stay but everyones experience is different. I just wish I had some concise helpful words to make things better. I am sticking my finger up at the window. Hopefully someone somewhere notices. xx
Hi Crystal
So sorry to read you are having such a bad time.
I have found taking one day at a time has really helped me, not looking even at tomorrow, just today. We are a year since the knock and my partner is released under investigation so no news, the waiting is hard tho.
i feel for you so much, it is so hard not to feel very sorry for yourself with whats happened to you and your family.
It is completely up to you what you decide is best for your family, you know your husband and it’s nobody else’s business, I too have stayed with my partner, he is a brilliant dad and not a bad person at all.
You are doing so well just getting on with every day, keep checking into the forum and posting, there’s so many people on here with good advice, also ring the helpline. I had a long conversation with them and I felt better afterwards.
just keep swimming as Dory says!
wishing you all the best
Mabel x x
So sorry to read you are having such a bad time.
I have found taking one day at a time has really helped me, not looking even at tomorrow, just today. We are a year since the knock and my partner is released under investigation so no news, the waiting is hard tho.
i feel for you so much, it is so hard not to feel very sorry for yourself with whats happened to you and your family.
It is completely up to you what you decide is best for your family, you know your husband and it’s nobody else’s business, I too have stayed with my partner, he is a brilliant dad and not a bad person at all.
You are doing so well just getting on with every day, keep checking into the forum and posting, there’s so many people on here with good advice, also ring the helpline. I had a long conversation with them and I felt better afterwards.
just keep swimming as Dory says!
wishing you all the best
Mabel x x
It does get easier in time. I still have odd days where I'm mad and angry that I've lost my freedom and he hasn't. The burden of responsibility feels all mine. But seeing my kids laugh and smile and doing fun stuff as a couple and as a family I know it's worth it. My partner is a kind, funny, loving person, I'm devastated he lost his way somehow but I can see the man I married more and more, this issue doesn't dominate our lives quite so much. People will always judge and gossip, even good friends that support us have said hurtful things (they dont mean it they just dont understand), and I've heard the 'if it where me I would have divorced, murdered etc etc him' but before this happened I would have said the same. Everyone loves to judge other people dont they. Try to enjoy the small things in life, only worry about the people you care about no one elses opinion matters, you do what is right for you, it's not easy but do what makes you happy.
Lee1969,
You are a force to be reckoned with. I wish I had your strength, I am trying to stick by my husband and help him but I fear what's in the future if it all gets out. The only people who know are my two grown up children, my boss and one other at work and my neighbour and very good friend who even came to the police station with me. Everyone has been non judgemental, well at least to my face, but I know if it got out, I would really struggle.
There abouts in the UK do you live. Obviously I don't expect you to tell me exactly, just north, South, east or west. Feel we have a lot in common. Would be lovely to be able to meet up. Need to try and sort mumsnet. X
You are a force to be reckoned with. I wish I had your strength, I am trying to stick by my husband and help him but I fear what's in the future if it all gets out. The only people who know are my two grown up children, my boss and one other at work and my neighbour and very good friend who even came to the police station with me. Everyone has been non judgemental, well at least to my face, but I know if it got out, I would really struggle.
There abouts in the UK do you live. Obviously I don't expect you to tell me exactly, just north, South, east or west. Feel we have a lot in common. Would be lovely to be able to meet up. Need to try and sort mumsnet. X
Hi Crystal,
I hope it will all get better for you. I can only imagine how hard it is having young children and being in this situation. Mine are grown up. It must be hard not having that freedom to go out when you want a breather from it all. After all you need me time. Is there nobody else that could come and babysit, or do SS say it has to be you.
Keep positive, I'm sure it will get better. Xx
I hope it will all get better for you. I can only imagine how hard it is having young children and being in this situation. Mine are grown up. It must be hard not having that freedom to go out when you want a breather from it all. After all you need me time. Is there nobody else that could come and babysit, or do SS say it has to be you.
Keep positive, I'm sure it will get better. Xx
Thank you everyone for your kind words of support.
This feels like the hardest time and I'm sure there's plenty more to come, I'm just controlling the things that I can and hanging in there for the sake of my children and hoping I'm doing the best I can for their futures.
Sending lots of positivity to you all.
This feels like the hardest time and I'm sure there's plenty more to come, I'm just controlling the things that I can and hanging in there for the sake of my children and hoping I'm doing the best I can for their futures.
Sending lots of positivity to you all.