Family and Friends Forum

I also just listened to this was interesting to listen and so glad that more awareness is being raised, but I do hope next time they have someone who has remained with their partner.

I only caught the end of it, but they did say they'd have someone on that had decided to keep in contact with their family members.

I will listen in full when it's on BBC Sounds.

To me, it just blows my mind to hear someone talking about experiences, emotions when faced with 'the knock' . Yes, there ARE people out there that know exactly how I feel...... sad they are on this journey but relieved in a way I am not alone. See what I mean?

I 100% admire these ladies - and not forgetting our very own Lee, that fight our corner - become our voice. So inspiring.....

I certainly will continue to listen....

It was me on woman's hour today. Many hours were spent with the journalist, and only 15 mins was used. I hope my view that my decision to leave was down to me and my situation and values, and not right for everyone, came across. There really is no right and wrong. But it was right for me in my situation. I really trust the journalist, and I am sure there will be a different perspective tomorrow.
I was careful about details that may have identified me, but I have always been open and honest about my feelings here and I do hope that I haven't and don't offend anyone,
I cried when I listened to the broadcast, again I was taken back to that terrible day but by my own voice which felt really weird.
I just really hope that I help someone.xxx

Thanks Lee. Yes, the WhatsApp group was my first experience of talking to others outside of the forum. The group I talked about today was a group of women brought together by my therapist. When we had our first video call it was amazing, to see people face to face and understand each other. I have since met up with them, and others, for coffee/lunch...and have made real friendships. We continue to support each other.
I have tried very hard to influence change, through various outlets. I am now focused on looking forward and putting this behind me, I need to put the energy into other things now. I have tried my best. it's now time for me to live MY life as best I can xxx

Thank you Lola. It was very emotional to do and listen to. I did and do feel a burden of responsibility to 'get it right'. I'm sure tomorrow will make it complete xxx

Tabs

i thought you were amazing and i you could hear every emotion. There is no wrong or right on staying or going. My husband didn't communicate with a child or attempt to meet but I think if he did my feelings would be different, he had conversations on kik with another male sharing videos which I still can't get my head around. I would love to hear about people staying so I can feel like it's ok even though I know it is and shouldn't care when people think.

Hi confused wife, i know people who have left and others who have stayed. Every situation is so different. I honestly don't judge anyone for whatever decision that they make. Nor do I believe that these men are monsters. I believe that society needs to start having mature and informed conversations about this rising crime....xxx

Tabs I thought it might have been you, I recognised the story but also your need to always be open and honest.

Thank you for being brave and telling your story (and everything else you do). I resonated with so much of what you said from being grateful for not having children (I'm sad we haven't buy grateful to not be navigating this with all the additional complication and heart ache), to feeling like I'm doing something wrong when I spend time with children, seeing faces of other partners who look normal.

Whilst I haven't been as open and as honest as you with people around me, it is the one thing I've found so painfully difficult.

You sound like you have some great support around you in terms of your friends.

Well done

Thank you so much Sal. I am so blessed with the support I have. It seems strange to say that I was lucky to have have had no control over information being spread around by social media following the sting which was live-streamed in facebook. Whilst it compounded the pain initially, it meant that I had no choice in people knowing and I am So very lucky to only have good and kind people in my life.

I totally get why you would want to keep this to yourself. It's a huge risk to share, and I'm not sure whether I would have taken it if I had the choice.

Xxxx

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It's a series. Ep 2 is on today. Ep1 is now available to download.

I thought today's piece was really good. It did address the reasons for supporting offenders. I was, again, in tears, particularly when she spoke about the victims when looking at her own children. Whatever position we are in, and however we chose to deal with it, it is a painful thing to go through, and this is what brings us together, the fact that we 'get it'. xxxx

Thank you Tabs and Daffodil for contributing to this. I was having a particularly lonely day as it is one of those days when the wider consequences of The Knock has impacted my children (nothing direct, but just something avoidable had we not been in this situation). Hearing Evie's story made me cry, and as Tabs said, particularly in how she discussed the victims.



It was comforting to hear the voice of another in a similar situation x

Yest programme resignated with me personally, very much so.

So little said with so much that should be discussed in the open, but anything is a step forward.

I would love certain family members to listen to this, but I don't want to reopen any healing wounds by suggesting it.

Just wanted to say I listened to all three days articles re "the knock"on womans hour. Thank you to the brave ladies who took part and for Lucy faithful for fighting our corner . Would love to see this discussed (with the same sensitivity) on a more prime time tv programme.

Just listened to todays show.

listening this week makes me appreciate people/charities that take the bull by the horns and work hard in their attempt to break barriers down.

I feel it's such an massive hill to climb - to attempt to alter people's perceptions of this crime, to realise the pain and suffering everyone goes through, to understand how common it is and how things must change.

Certainly a mammoth task, quite daunting but they fight on and personally I carnt thank them enough how they have helped me pull through and carry on with my life x

I really felt, listening to yesterdays programme, that we have some people on our side, alongside some sympathetic politicians and police, and an ever rising population of our own, and we are starting to be heard and understood Positive things have happened even in the 4 years since I have been on this journey, new charities, more spaces to be heard, more chatter...it's all got to help.
I do hope that there is more coverage now, and some open conversations about the accused too, and how they got to be involved in this. Although I left, I did support him, through the long wait, court and prison, so I do understand those that stay.

xxx

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I'm with Blue Sky on this one. Get to the roots of this problem without attaching stigmas and labels, why do men get hooked on these images and why are they SO easily accessible on the internet.

These men aren't perverts, monsters or whatever labels people throw at them. They have parents, families, friends, employment, responsibilities- children. It's just very hard to explain and frustrating........... we say it all the time, you have no idea until you live our journey.

A belated well done and thank you to everyone that was involved in this. Whilst it's extremely disappointed that the 50% of women that stay were not represented it is a stepping stone in this being spoken about more widely and raising awareness. I'm so sorry to hear that some people's interviews were not used, I can only imagine the feelings that evokes whilst you are already in a vulnerable and emotional position. Well done and thank you for putting yourself out there.

I joined a call at the end of summer for those writing about this journey, we covered a brief bit about talking to the media and I think the lady is going to do another session on it. I will share the website. It really made me think about some of the emotional and practical aspects I'd not thought about.

The stats provided by LFF are shocking, this has to just be the first step in raising awareness of the prevelance and routes to offending. Unfortunately I don't think society is ready to swallow some of the realities but maybe talking about it more opens the door to be able to talk about it in the future.

It's just dawned on me, the show completely ignored the experience of those with children and the huge impact it has in partners and their children - This is the part that strikes me as the most painful and practically has the biggest impact.

I think, and hope, that this will be my last post on this forum. I'm now hoping to move forward and leave this behind me. It will never fully leave me, as it's shaped me into the person I am. But I owe it to myself to move on after a painful 4+ years.

I am very sorry, Lee and Daffodil, that your stories were not used. There are many hours of unused interview from me too, however I am very grateful that some of mine was used, as I would have felt upset had it not. It was very upsetting and triggering to recount the experience and then upsetting and triggering all over again to hear yourself on the radio.



I have had many positive interactions about this, and I believe it has provoked some thought around the subject. I know it's not enough, but it's something.



BUT! What I would really like to hear, is not just us loved ones banging the drum, but also the offenders. My ex is too scared to speak out and to question and challenge, maybe all offenders are? Whilst we can and do fight very hard for us families and friends to be treated and understood better, the offenders themselves need to be brave, own their part in this and fight for themselves, and try harder to get their voices out there in order the highlight how they got to that point of breaking the law in the first place, and to identify what needs to change for future generations. Not sure how, but there surely must be a way?



One day, I'm sure, we will look back and wonder how it was ever permissible for us all to be looked on and treated by society in the way we are!



I wish you all the very best of outcomes, and a positive and peaceful life moving forward

xxx

I agree with everything you said Tabs, 100%.

Best wishes to you, I'm so pleased for you I almost feel emotional and being a relative newbie here these are the first of your posts I have read!

Hi TABs / it's always sad when someone says 'bye' but it's brilliant you have rode the storm and reached the other side, no doubt reaching a 'new' normal for you and yours. A time to look forward.

I send my love and wish you every happiness and just a simple 'well done' xxxxxxxxxxx